A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm inlove with a guy who already have a girlfriend and he told me he want to have the future with me a should give him sometime. When I ask him if he still love her his answer is yes.so I don't know what to do becuase I real love him and when the lady is around he tell me not call him and it hurt me. I don't know what to do please help
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 Actions speak louder than words. If he truly wants to be with you, he will know to break it off with his girlfriend. If he doesn't, then all he is telling you are lies. I wouldn't believe a word he says unless he can back it up with his actions.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Oh my goodness. Poor you. I am sorry but the situation you are in is so pathetic.
Dont be. Cut contact with him. He dont love you. He does not care. He is so unfair. He should be deleted into your life right away.
Why? Its not right to have someone and lead you on. He loves her not you. He cant afford to her but he dont mind if he hurt your feelings.
All i can say is move on, get a bf of your own. Cry a river of tears but u need to move on otherwise you will be pathetic. Plus you cant trust a man like that.
Honey im so sorry if my words are too harsh. I just want u to wake up and get the nerve to leave n dislike him. Its ok to love. But with someone who deserve and respect you.
Someone who makes you feel inspired everyday, not toxic and stressful. Love yourself first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): You're pretty naive, if you think a guy still loves his girlfriend and really wants to be with you. Or, you're pretending to be.
He is offering you the honors of being his friend with benefits on the side. Which means he isn't breaking up with her,and he is going to keep you around for sex on-demand.
It's pointless for us to offer advice to young women who allow themselves to be put in this position with a guy. They are asking for our approval and hoping someone suggests that there is a possibility he loves you. No, he really doesn't truly love either of you. One means something to him, and one is there for his convenience.
He doesn't respect either. It's all about his dick.
He has the benefit of having someone he can trust and who takes care of him. Breaking up with her will be difficult and dramatic. They most likely live together, and she is probably a drama-queen who will wreck his life and go ballistic if he tries to dump her for another woman. He gets a rush sneaking around with other women behind her back. The possibility he could bet caught gets him off!!!
You are the conveniently needy-female who doesn't mind breaking the "girl code" against cheating on a sister. You steal men from other women; because it's easier when they're already broken-in,and you like forbidden fruit. It makes you feel special; because he wants you so bad, he'll cheat to have you. He thinks he has you figured out. Tell you he loves you, and you'll fall for it. He's right. You have. Hook, line, and sinker!
Oh,I'm going to give it to you straight. You need to think.
You're sharing, but you get the short-end of the stick. He goes back to her after he has sex with you! She will find out about you, and might end up knocking at your door someday. She will do everything she can to get him back, if you do manage to get him away from her. She will be the secret messages behind your back. The reason he disappears and his time is unaccounted for. There will be an emotional tug of war, and he will enjoy it. His ego will be as big as Jupiter! Two needy females fighting over one cheating no-good sleazy "player."
His sleaze will rub-off on you, because he's a cheater. That officially makes you a cheater too. If you get together, you know he will cheat on you when he gets bored with you; or if he finds another girl to be sexier, or more interesting. He'll get tired of your insecurity and suspicions. He has no intentions of accounting for his time when he is missing in action. Don't be surprised if there are other girls he randomly fools around with.
The only future he wants with you, is all about sex on the side. Meaning, he hopes you'll be available for booty calls and sexual rendezvous when he's bored with his girlfriend.
"Love" is the magic-word players use that gets gullible and needy women every time. Only you are neither naive nor gullible. You just want to steal a man from another woman. It will make you feel special and more desirable then she is.
Stop and think about it. What goes around, comes around.
That's called karma! Save yourself. Find someone single and available, willing and able to really care for you. Exclusively! This is as intriguing as a soap opera or romance novel for you. It always ends in tragedy. Someone gets badly hurt. Heart-broken.
In truth, love has nothing to do with any of this. If he leaves her for you, she's the winner.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I agree with Cindy (as usual)
They guy don't want YOU as his new GF, he wants you as his "thing on the side".
He still LOVES his GF, which probably means he WANTS to BE with her, but just get some (sex & attention) from you.
Why are you doing this to yourself?
Why are you settling for a guy who supposedly LOVE his GF and then TREATS YOU like this?
Find a single guy, cut the contact with this fella, let him be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): You should just stay away. Men will always tell lies and make false promises. If he loves her the only reason he is with you or is in communication with you is because they have problems that they have not worked on.
The reason he will lie and make promises to you is because if he's honest you will realise that he's a waste of time.Men like keeping a backup girl.
Why dont you tell us a bit more about how serious the relationship is and and few more details ( not TMI) I could advise you more accurately because I have been in the other woman possition and I can tell you what my experience was and how you can try relate.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I fear your BF has no clue about love or monogomy. You may be better off alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Do you think so little of yourself that you are prepared to live like this? Second best? He is telling you how to live your life around his needs and because you 'love' him he can get away with it! He really has got everything he wants. If you let this go on you will be his long term mistress and very lonely and miserable. Get a lovely man in your life who is prepared to wine and dine you and isn't in love with someone else. Get some self respect!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Frankly I have trouble understanding your indecisison.
I could understand it maybe if you had told us that he has a gf but he says he does not love her anymore, and they are still together just because of ...( add stupid excuse ), but he is honest at least in this,and he says he stool loves HER ?
So, 1) he has a gf 2 ) he still loves her 3 ) you are supposed to wait quietly in the shadow until when he ends up with not loving her anymore, which for all you know it could be in one year, in 10 years, or never... and you have doubts about what to do ?. I'd say it's rather evident- stop letting him mess with you, stop letting him string you along and waste your time, stop being a dirty little secret and getting hurt- leave him all to his Gf, and you find yourself someone who is single and available !
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