| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi I have been with my fiancée now for 4 years an she keeps saying she wants to go on a girls holiday and I feel really uncomfortable with her going to another country clubbing with just girls. Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable with it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 August 2014):
 80 % yes, 20 % no.
80 % yes : you know this girl since 4 years, by now you should have decided if you trust her or not. If she is loyal, committed, faithful and in love with you, if she takes this relationship seriously. You should know that for sure ( within the human limits of what's possible knowing about another human being, which is never 100% ) , and , if you like what you know, you should rest easy. ( And this also includes knowing that she is level headed enough to not drink or drug herself senseless, and / or not to use drinks and recreational drugs as an excuse to act wrong ).
It may be a cliche' but it's true : trust is the base and core of any relationships. If you don't trust her, you should not even be engaged to her !
20 %: I find the choice and scope of trip a bit curious. I understand perfectly that after 4 years of almost- coniugal bliss, even if it has really been bliss !, she just wants some "me time" , some full immersion in " female energy " , where she just wants to hang out for a few days with the girls and do girlie stuff and talk woman's stuff- or , in any case, do things she normally does not get to do with you. You know, from going to a spa for a week of beauty treatments, .. to crossing the desert by camel if she is the adventurous type.
But you say they go abroad " clubbing ", it sounds like the typical single -girls- partying -in-Ibiza kind of thing. Clubbing is a prevalently single activity, because, let's face it, it's about showing off and impressing the other gender, if not just about going on the pull.
Of course, it may be that your gf just loves dancing, and drinking a few, that's all.. but, can't she do that with you ? Normally, as part of your nights out ?...
I am not saying she has bad intentions, I am just saying, won't she find it boring ? What's in it for her, if the focus of her ( presumably ) single friends is being up to a little of no-good, won't she risk spending a lot of time by herself, lounging by the pool ?..
Ah well, I would not want to have put unnecessarily a bee in your bonnet ,though. Maybe she is simply the one of the girls who's got a fiancee'- and she is tagging along just for company.
Moral : people are who they are, wherever they happen to be. They will behave or misbehave regardless of location. Why, if you had to go to Bangkok for business, first thing you'd do would be to make a beehive for the nearest brothel ?...
I hope nor . But if YOU are... maybe that's where your suspicions come from :).
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (16 August 2014):
Dear OP,
I can understand you, but you should trust your fiancee and let her go on that holiday. Me and my friends love girls' holidays and none of the girls who are in a relationship would do anything inappropriate. The point of a girls' holiday, for me and my friends, is not to find a guy to make out with, but to talk about girly things, go shopping, gossip a bit, talking about our relationships.. it's something that is really important to us.
If she loves you and is committed, she won't cheat on you and love you for letting her have this fun trip. You should think the best of her, because that's how you get a happy marriage.
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