A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years officially. We met at 15 years old and have been happy ever since. As we met in school we have the same group of friends and regulaly go out as a big group. Me and my partner rarely if never argue we are like best friends who have a great sex life and are insanely attracted to eachother. A few months ago he suprised me with a trip to venice or our 7 year anniversary whilst on the trip he laughed off our friends hopes we would get engaged, and said he wasnt ready. i was never expecting an engagement but to hear he wasnt ready hurt my feelings. We've spoke about gettin married and children so i was confused. My question is After 7 years together if hes not ready now will he ever be? Can he be as in love with me as i am with him if the next step isnt within his sights?
View related questions:
anniversary, best friend, engaged, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2014):
 OP, I agree with your bf... an engagement is for when you are ready to get married and have a date for the wedding etc within a few weeks of the engagement.
NORMALLY I would say if after 5 years he's not ready to make a commitment to marriage that he is never going to be ready, IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE, however, due to your AGES I think that you can hang on until after the two years of travel... re-assess after the traveling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2014): I dont agree with any of the comments below It sounds to me that you are both in the same boat and neither of you are ready for engagement. I met my partner at 14 and have been happy ever since (im now 35) I dont think your boyfriend was fobbing you off nor were you putting any pressure on him. It sounds to me like your still in that honey moon faze enjoy that and have fun travellng things will fall into place
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 September 2014):
 I must say that technically your bf is right. An official engagement never meant, and should not mean, that you get to sort of call dibs on some guy or girl and make them wear a ring on their finger as a further deterrent for other people who might want to chase in your territory. It's not that.
An official engagement is claiming the person like yours in front of family, community and society and announce you are able and willing to do that, ( you have not only the intent, but the money, the place to live , etc. ) allowing just the technical time for bureaucracy / wedding preparations.
Like, in theory, you get engaged when you can set the date , when you can say , 6 months fron today, 18 months from today on the dot. It's a " putting money where your mouth is " kind of thing.
Otherwise, if you get engaged and you leave mariage for some vague better moment in some vague tomorrow... then is like not being engaged !, and is not different from the mutual committment and the choice of monogamy which you already HAVE now. So , no need to make further fuss about it.
Then again, tbh, I am not sure that your bf said that just to resoect the historical tradition, and the intrinsical spirit of an engagement.
I think he basically was saying - what you don't want him to be saying but it's natural he'll be saying :" Look, I don't know. I am only 22 ! Who knows how i will feel, and WHOM I will want to marry , in 5 or 6 years time, when I'll be able to consider it seriously in practice. Go fogure, I can't be held shackled to the choices i made when I was a KID of 15. Maybe by then I'll be a different person wanting different things, or different experiences . It isn't likely - I think, and guess, and hope, we'll still be together, and still in love, and all will be well, but , I can't be 100% sure, as you ask me to be.
So, let's play it by ear and let's cross that bridge when will reach there, won't we ?"
I think he gave you the only sensible answer thar a 22 y.o. very young man , who got involved at 15, can give you. I don't think he is being callous or fickle, I think he is being sensible and prudent. Even if it's not exactly what you wanted to hear.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2014): just want to say thank you so much for all your answers. I dont want to get married anytime soon untill im atleast 25/6. I decided to speak to my boyfriend about his comment which he explained when we get engaged he wants wedding plans to move from there. whereas i would have prefered a longer engagement. Anyway as long as the commitment is there I'm happy. We are going travelling next year for two years thats all the commitment i need at the moment! but thank you so much for taking the time to answer me!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2014):
 It's hard to imagine that the two of you have been "an item" for this long..... yet HE doesn't believe it is leading to anything other than what you have, now.... whilest YOU seem to think that YOU are leading to being married and a family....
Until and unless the two of you can discuss this matter.... and bring your (two) views in to concert... then you (not him) are wasting your time...
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2014): He enjoys all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibilities and so stands nothing to gain by marrying you. He is free to walk away at any instant with no obligation to you whatsoever. As my grandmother would have said, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"In his defense, 22 is still a relatively young age to be considering marriage. Since most couples do not pair for life at age 15 it's very reasonable that he still wants to enjoy his youth and freedom. You are both very different people than you were when you got together and neither of you are fully formed. Do you not have any goals, ambitions or dreams beyond getting married and having children? This is the time in your life when you should be pursuing them, not wondering if you're ever going to get married.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2014): 22 is young to get married, now if you were five years older and had been together 7 years then I would say that it might never happen (happened to me - I was with my ex for eight years and I split with him two years ago because at 32 he still wasn't ready) so don't worry! Lots of couples who start dating in their teens usually get engaged around the 10 year mark in my opinion! Enjoy x
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Nah, It's water over the dam or under the bridge or wherever water goes these days. he is never going to give in to making it "legal" he is a lost cause. In my opinion, if after living together more than six months there's no marraiage, there never will be. I'd plan on being single a while longer...a loong while. Good Luck
...............................
|
