A
female
age
41-50,
*rmy 31
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years just told me he cheated on me...by text message. He met this girl, got her number, has been hanging out with her, going out in groups, hanging at her house, and having sex with her. He told me and seemed to think that since he told me it was now in the open and it was okay! When I said she had to go he then said he was leaving me because I was drawing lines and setting rules. There has never been any question that we are in a serious, monogamous, long term relationship. We are currently in a long distance relationship and he has used that as justification to ask to have sex with other people. I have said I am not okay with that. Given that he cheated on me should I fight for us? Or should I sit back while he leaves me for the girl he is cheating with?
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cheated on me, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2014):
 You HAVE to draw the line at what YOU are comfortable with and if that is, MONOGAMY, then he can't DATE other girls. However, he doesn't really care what you want, because he wants what he wants..
What is there to fight over? LDR's are hard enough but with a guy who is also cheating on you? And who tells you this in a text? Like it's no big deal?
Let him go. BLOCK him from your life, first his number, social websites, e-mail and so forth. Go no contact.
He sounds like a loser, honestly.
I agree with Ciar, next time you date... find someone local.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): What's left to fight for? Next time he just won't tell you. You weren't in his mind when he took that girl to bed the first however many times, why will that change?
He sounds like an absolute scum bag. If he genuinely loved you he would've never put himself in a position to cheat and if something could have happened he would have made sure it didn't.
Forget him and focus on your own happiness. He doesn't deserve you, not now or in a million years.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 He told you he cheated via text? Really? SO nice and subtle then? Ditch this guy!
Mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Fight for what, exactly? A lying, cheating scumbag? STDs? I'm not sure why you'd even consider staying with him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2014):
 What??? Fight for a cheater? No. Him breaking up with you because you're not happy with cheating is hysterical. I would say that he's wanted to break up with you for a long time, and just now, he's set you up so that not only can he ditch you, but in his own pathetic way, attempt to make you look like that bad guy. What a slick piece of toe lint this guy is.
Ciar is correct. Any long distance relationship that doesn't have either a very temporary status (i.e. a military deployment) OR a definite date (not a vague one of "a couple of years") that the relationship is NO LONGER going to be LDR is nothing but a fantasy. And yours just hit its expiration date.
Truly, the only thing you would be "fighting" for is your state of Denial. I would be kicking the guy to the curb and then finding my buddies, hitting the town and yelling "FREE AT LAST!" because I would be ejecting a piece of cheating garbage from my life. Add to that the possibility of no longer wasting time on a never-ending LDR and finding a local guy to have a healthy relationship with.
Yes, I know you'll mourn the end of this relationship. But don't lower yourself to sniveling groveler allow-him-to-blatantly-sleep-with-anything-with-female-genitalia girlfriend so desperate to hold onto the virtual relationship. Don't go buy a plane ticket to wherever he is and have a meltdown on him either. Just drop the guy. He is NOT WORTH IT. He doesn't want to be with you. This cheating thing is an excuse anyways. He's lying when he says you're the reason for the breakup. He just wants it over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): When you you ask whether you should 'fight' for this who exactly or what exactly are you fighting?
HE chose to cheat. He exercised his FREE WILL to cheat.
With this in mind, is it him / his free will you are going to fight?
See how utterly absurd the whole notion of 'fighting for a relationship' with somebody who doesn't value the relationship. You could be the best soldier out there but your efforts would be in vain because while you want to tango - he doesn't. You I know it takes two.
Link your wounds. Mend your heart. Move on. Save your dignity.
Acknowledge that this relationship is over. He chose to be disloyal and unfaithful.
I'm sorry it didn't work out with him.
I wish you well
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Sit back- let the other girl be the one who ends up with an arrogant, shameless cheater !
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Never fight for a man. Especially one like him. There is nothing to save here. Let him go, grieve in private, then move on. Unless one or both of you have solid plans and a date set to relocate there is no point in a long distance relationship. The sacrifices are too many and the rewards too few. Your boyfriend can't do it anymore.Take some time to regroup and when you're ready to date, find someone local.
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A
male
reader, Chancellor +, writes (28 September 2014):
You need to draw your own boundries. Obviously he is the one in control...the cheater is always in control of the emotions of the one being cheated on. Why? You give him the control. I would not state that you are "ok with that" because obviously you are not.
What are your boundries? Do you like the thought of him doing this? Will you think about who he may have been with before seeing him again?
You should step back, re-evaluate your relationship (which seems one sided--HIM) and decide if you are really willing to allow him control you by threatening to end the relationship because he is cheating.
Time to stop ALL communication with him and see what he does then. If he tries to talk and wants to work it out, you call the shots and keep your boundries. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!
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