A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since Dec 2013. We met online and in one month, we will finally meet in person. She will introduce me to her family and relatives, and well even be going to an island resort for a few days together. However what has been on my mind lately, is how i would like to make the best of my 3 weeks with her. I am not exactly sure when well see each other again (planning on 2015), so i would like to have some intimacy with her. I dont mean intercourse, because i know i'm not ready for the relationship to go that far yet. I guess what i mean is along the lines of making out, sharing a bed, or maybe giving her oral sex on my last ngiht. Today i told her that i would like to talk to her about intimacy. I brought it up so that the expectations would be set and we could compromise on the topic. However she got upset as soon as i told her exactly, "the topic is intimacy." She asked me if i was joking and said she wasnt sure yet if she was comfortable with me yet...I am not sure how to take that I guess. I feel a bit hurt learning shes not sure if shes comfortable with me yet after all I invested in this relationship emotionally, but that could be due to my selfishness... Is my way of thinking right? I love her, but I feel like intimacy when im there is something i need to keep this relationship going.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2014):
 Ok I'm going to be Debbie Downer here. You are not a teen and your time frames are skewed.
Part and parcel of an LDR is spending time and money FAST to be together. IF you don't have the time or the money to visit regularly (at least once a month after the early initial meeting, I don't see how you can make this work long term.
You have NEVER met this girl. You have been "dating" for 10 months and NEVER MET. I do not blame her for not wanting to commit to being intimate with you in any way. Can I ask why you have not met yet?
If you meet next month and won't see each other again for MONTHS and MONTHS (October 2014 till SOMETIME in 2015) after nearly a year of dating tells me it's either a VLDR or one or both of you is avoiding real life. What has prevented two adults who are "dating" from meeting for nearly a year?????
Do not plan intimacy. In fact, I would assume that meeting her this trip would be a "getting to know you" thing. I would suggest staying in a hotel and courting her the proper way. Do not impose yourself on her home for THREE WEEKS... what if she does not bathe regularly? What if she is a terrible housekeeper and the dust is 3 inches thick in her home and you can't breathe?
What if you get together and the chemistry SUCKS?
Planning intimacy with someone you have NOT met yet is a bit presumptuous on your part.
You don't love her. You love the idea of her. You love the idea of having a gf.
have you had a gf before?
Since you love her (your words) what is the plan to end the distance? If you (or your lady) don't plan to move shortly after meeting, then why not?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 She does not even know if you two will be really mutually attracted in person ( and the same is true for you )... and you already start negotiating rules and regulations ?...
Yes, you like each other, yes , you both have invested in each other emotionally. Hopefully your meeting will be romantic AND passionate. But don't take too much for granted, and try to work with her timing. You may have wtitten loads to each other, yet.. it's still all words She does not know if she will be ready to do X or Y with you on day 7th or 14th or when, and it's futile of you to try making her commit to some sort of contractual obligation when you haven't even seen each other.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 She doesn't know if she is physically attracted to you and doesn't want to be intimate or think about it until you have had face to face time.
For now your a friend she is meeting up with. She doesn't want to think you only want sex either.
You come across as decent and you will have to wait until you see if she is both genuine and interested in taking the next step.
So, wait until your together before you mention it again.
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