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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: 4 years ago I had a brief fling with a guy. It didn't work out but it was good while it lasted. About 6 months ago we bumped into each other after a night out and exchanged numbers. Since then we've had a fwb situation going on. We spoke about it beforehand and said while we didn't want a relationship, the sex was always great when we'd been together so decided to give fwb a go. Last night we had sex and as always had a bit of a talk afterwards. He knows I won't be able to see him for a week or so now as I'm going away with work so when I went to leave he gave me a kiss and said stay safe, I love you. I didn't know what to say so I laughed it off and said don't be silly, no you don't. He smiled and said of course I do, you know I loved you when we were together and nothing's changed since that first day I said it, I've always loved you and always will. I was shocked to say the least but it wasn't awkward or anything. I don't know how to take it though, did he mean it or was it just post sex emotion? I don't want to ask him outright!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 CindyCares hasit correct.
A
male
reader, Vm  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Hey dear..do just one thing don't get physical with him in next 3-4 meetings if he actually loves you then he'll not force you to do sex..if he do..then understand one thing he wants you to have sex with you..not loving you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Talk is cheap, and words are a dime a dozen. Everybody can say anything for whatever reason- then see how they ACT to see if they mean it.
Another thing that, I feel, often generates confusion is the ( only, that I can think of ) big limitation of your beautiful, rich English language. You do not have an expression to differentiate among different kinds of love.
You " love " everything : your relatives, your lover, your favourite brand of cheese.
In my language, for instance, there would be no confusion. " I love you " in a romantic, passionate, realy SERIOUS kind of way , would be " ti amo ".
" I love you " - as you love your best friend, your favourite cousin, ... or a pleasant, satisfying FWB, would be " ti voglio bene ".
What I mean is, that he may be truthful in having expressed generic, positive feelings toward you. But , that these generic, vaguely affectionate feelings are actually more than " we get along and we have a good time together sexually ", it's totally to be seen and confirmed by his actions... like, uhm, maybe the one of upgrading you from FWB ?
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 The first question you should ask is to yourself. The question is - are you interested in taking things to an actual exclusive relationship status?
If the answer is no, then you don't have to clarify or DO anything with his declaration of love. Have you ever heard of the term "Girlfriend experience" or GFE? This means that even if the relationship is a "no strings attached" thing, the guy (or the girl, but much much more rare) treats the FWB like a girlfriend and says all of the flowery things that are usually spoken in relationships. However, if pressed into an actual relationship, that's where the actions don't line up with the words. They're just said to pretend, or in more nefarious cases, to get a level of service and care a woman would normally respond to someone she loves. This means he wants her to grow feelings for him without really reciprocating.
However, if the answer to your question of yourself is YES, then his declaration of love opens the door to a discussion. One thing you must come to grips is - if you are having sex with someone, then there is no topic that is off-limits. If you are interested in an actual relationship, then talk to him. Ask him - "Hey, we talked about love the other night, and you sounded serious about loving me. People who love each other enter exclusive relationships together as boyfriend/girlfriend. Is that what you want??"
If his answer is "YES", then you know he meant what he said about loving you. However, if he hems and haws and beats around the bush about not labelling stuff or keeping things as they are or anything ambiguous, then you've exposed his "Girlfriend experience" habit of talking up a FWB so that you would....in the grossest and bluntest of terms..."F**K him like you love him". In which case, he didn't really love you.
Actions speak louder than words.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 I would have asked him if he loved you since the first day how come he was okay with no relationship. Some fwbs are strictly monogamous while others have sex with others. When people say nothing they would just assume that he's not the only lover. If he loved you he would be very concerned that you only have sex with him. He could be saying he loved you so that you would stop having sex with other guys (that's only if you are).
I don't want to say that he could mean it and then you come back here and tell us he just got carried away and didn't mean he wanted a relationship. Love and serious relationships do happen out of fwbs but I would always be skeptical about him saying that. No one just loves but becomes so casual about it until 4 years later. He could be playing games with your head. It's also possible that as a guy he doesn't want to be just used for sex since women always fall in love. He wants to take the challenge and see if he can make you fall in love with him. The quality of sex is also higher when love is there. It gives him the power. It's a very dangerous game you are playing when you try to mix casual sex and love together. You will have doubts about his sincerity. When you do fall in love you will please him and figure how to make him commit in order to not feel like a used fool. That's already too late. If he really means it then let him wine and dine you, get to know you and form a strong connection outside the bedroom. Words alone should not make someone fall in love.
What I would say to him is that I need to be in a relationship to feel love. If you still didn't wish to be in a relationship then just ignore him. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and you are afraid of him confusing you, then tell him he's misusing the word and he has to stop it. The word love is reserved for solemn places and serious intentions.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen +, writes (24 September 2014):
 The only way you will find out is if you DO ask him outright! Wait until you see him in person again and then ask him what his feelings are for you.
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