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age
26-29,
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writes: I'm having difficulty with one of my uni friends and have been for the past year and it's really winding me up. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it.When we first met, it was over the internet because we knew we were on the same course and we were looking to know a couple of people before we went to uni. We hit it off great, we seemed to have a lot in common and we got on well - over the internet.When we met, I realised my friend was not living in reality, she lives in a fantasy world that she sometimes gets mixed up with reality. She doesn't even know what's real anymore and believes the characters in her story (that she hasn't written yet) are her real friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's great to live in the world of the fantasy, but she's got no independence. Literally every night before class, she would text me asking if we had any work to hand in for the next morning, but she never asked at a reasonable hour while there was time to do it, she always asked really late at night and if I didn't answer in time, I got a facebook message and then another text asking if I got her text or fb message. I can guarantee a text and message every single night before class.We have our first class today and sure enough, I got a text through asking if we had any work to do. But we haven't seen our lecturer and he never asked us to do anything in the email. She woke me up to ask this when I told her not to text after a certain time due to my alarm clock being broken and I had to use my phone as an alarm.I feel like I am the one getting her through uni. She's a clever girl, I don't understand why she can't check these things herself. Okay, so I get double checking the work, but when we get emailed the work and we all get told the same thing, why can't she check her emails? Last year, she would have dropped out in the first semester if it wasn't for me helping her to get through it, I proof read her work along with another friend's work, I told her what work needed to be done and often how to go about doing it, I helped her with her spelling.I'm starting to feel annoyed all the time and I'm getting to breaking point with this, I need help. She tried the same thing with someone else after we all made friends and this other girl was hard on her and told her when to go, but I don't want her to feel I don't care, I just want her to understand that I can't answer her questions all the time. I've got my own problems at uni without dealing with hers as well. I feel like I'm playing the part of mum and I really am getting annoyed about it. Honestly, am I just being hard on her or is there something I can do to stop these constant messages?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you help :)
You're completely right, I know it's my fault, but I thought I was doing what was right at the time because of how shy she was and she had no friends, still has no friends.
Thank you for your time, I'll sit down with her and chat about it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 Sit her down and lay out the rules.
She can call and text between (let's say) 9 am and 9 pm) after that you will NOT respond. (and YOU have to stick to it) The FIRST time she ASKS you (in the given time) if you have any work to turn in, tell her check your e-mail. If she tells you she can't so can't you just tell her, tell her no. SHE needs to take responsibility for HER courses and work load.
Now IF she still calls/text you late night, TELL HER I have MY own workload to sort out, I'm HERE for MY education NOT yours. And if you CAN NOT respect that call hours of 9am-9pm, I will BLOCK your number and I will block you on FB too.
TREAT her like an adult.
There are some people that will take a mile if you give them an inch, but you gave her a MILE and now she expects 10 miles ....
Like Cindy said, YOU made this happen. YOU got her so used to not having to rely on herself, that she thinks she can't do squat without talking to you first.(my guess is because you wanted to help out).
Tell her YOU need some space to focus on YOUR workload.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 Sorry but you've got only yourself to blame.
There's a big difference between helping your friends, in a pinch, and taking on yourself their duties and responsibilities. You haven't helped her, you have babied her.
Stop being passive aggressive ( doing what you feel is not right for you to do, THEN steaming about it. ) Tell her only once more that the " have we got homework " service is over for good. You can't do that , and you don't want to . If she does not get it, or plays dumb, just ignore her reminders, texts and FB messages- she will get it eventually.
Be as " harsh " as needed- I'd call it just being frank and honest. You are doing her a favour anyway.
If she is just a lazybones who likes to take advantage, she will see that she can't play that game with everybody- and surely not with you.
If she has ADD, or learning disabilities, she will seek specialized help and support, which also will show her the tools to become more organized and independent.
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