A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?!I went away for a five day mini break with a group of friends from work, and when we came back I went straight to my boyfriend's flat, because I had missed him, and let myself in. I have a key, so it's not like I was breaking in. Anyway, I went to the bathroom to freshen up and since I keep a change of clothes at his flat, went to the bedroom and got changed. I just glanced in the bin, saw a sliver packet. I knew what it was, so I picked the bin up and found there were two empty packets as well as the used condoms themselves. I emptied the bin, and left the flat. I told him that I couldn't see him until the weekend, which he wasn't happy about but he never mentioned the fact the bin was empty or if he did do anything. He kept saying he missed me and he wanted to see me, but I said no and told him I'd see him when I could. He hasn't rang or text me today but I did agree that I'd go round after work. We have been together on and off for nearly two years, and I know he has cheated on other girlfriends. I don't know what to say or do, but.I want to know what the hell he has done.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Heh, sorry Cindy! ;)
One other thing - going with my plan - if he pulls the "it was a friend's condom" trick, just get a q-tip and a small sandwich bag and tell him you want a cheek swab of his DNA so the lab can typecast it to the semen inside the condom. They wouldn't be a match if it was his friend's, right?
heh heh heh...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 YouWish scared me today :)- that's an evil genius 's masterplan !
Yeah, OP, do what she says . At least, seeing him squirm and climb on mirrors will be fun, and partial compensation for your dismay and mental anguish.
Because you KNOW what's happened, OP. You would not even need to ask- you know. What else could have happened ??
Yeah, I have heard ( but never met IRL ) of guys who use condoms for self pleasure, because it's tidier and less of a mess. Bah. My guess is that if he can leave two fluid-filled ,sticky condoms sitting around in his bedroom's wastebin ( yuck ) , he is not enough of a neat-freak to use this method, and anyway that if he did that routinely, you probably would know it already . So, it's suspicious that he started this habit JUST the week you are away.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2014):
You say that you've been with him for nearly two years? You'd know by now if he used condoms for masturbation, right? Some people do, you know, and it's typically to avoid a mess. That would be unlikely unless your boyfriend is a complete and utter neat-freak. They use condoms, or socks, or baggies, or a big Kleenex, or whatever.
Too bad you're not in the medical field, because definitively speaking, DNA testing those condoms would turn up a woman's DNA if it was actually used for intercourse (I'm sorry to be so clinical. I know it's no small thing for you.)
The others are right in watching closely his reaction to confronting him, so I'd do the same, with a twist. I'd tell him you found two condoms when you went to the flat for your change of clothes, after which you kept them and emptied his bin.
Look him in the eye and then say "this is your one chance to be truthful to me" and ask him to explain them to you. Then, if he talks about using them to get off or whatever on his own, then tell him that you hope the anytimelab.com you sent the condoms off to for DNA analysis will back his story up, because they will identify the female DNA on the outside of that condom right down to the nationality, and that you should find out the results very shortly.
If he's telling the truth, he won't flinch. If he's lying, he'll go white and he will freak out and either come clean (unlikely) or go off into a frenzied tizzy about trust and love and loyalty and all that. You didn't mention whether or not you kept the condoms, and I wish you had, because then it wouldn't be a BLUFF, and you really would have been able to catch him red-handed as neatly as if you'd have caught him in the act itself.
That's why I don't date known cheaters, especially serial ones like you talked about. It's likely he was up to something while you were gone. Time to make him squirm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Unless he loaned his apartment to a friend who left his empty condom packets there he is cheating- no doubt about it. You already know he is a cheater. Confront him and see what he says. Guys who don't use condoms have it easier to conceal cheating, lol. Just shows how dumb men can be to leave the evidence there for you, don't be dumb and believe his lies anymore!
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A
female
reader, mirage051 +, writes (28 September 2014):
Yes you should ask him about the condoms. Always as questions watch gor the reactions and decide if is his over reacting
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Sounds a little iffy to me as well. Don't know many dudes who put on a condom to wank.
I think you should ask him. Tell him you had missed his and showed up at his place and found those in the trash and THAT is why you left, because you needed time to think.
I think you have every right to ask. That is not snooping.
Personally, I would ASK him in person, not over text or phone. That way you have a better chance at reading his body language.
If he cheated and you KNOW he lied... I'd walk away.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Duh, the mice will play..got him! He'l tell you a yarn about usingthem to pleasure himself and avoid the mess,but you'll know better,right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): If he lives alone then there's only one explanation. Asking him probably won't get the truth out of him.
Plus the fact that he's cheated in the past. .. It doesn't look good.
He probably cheated.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (27 September 2014):
 I am very sorry to hear you are going through this.
I can't think of a good alternate explanation for why your boyfriend would have multiple used condoms. Assuming he has his own place (no roommates who could be responsible) I would definitely ask him about it. The discovery alone sounds fishy enough, and you say he has a history of cheating into the bargain, so yes, in your shoes I would be very suspicious. Tell him you found the condoms and watch his reaction very carefully.
You may want to prepare mentally for a confirmation from him that he did sleep with another girl or girls and decide in advance how you would respond to that, whether it be leaving him or giving him another chance. It sounds like the relationship is rocky to begin with and you don't say what about it would be worth saving.
If he admits to having cheated, your best bet is probably to let him go and look for a partner without a history of infidelity. If you find out he cheated but do stay with him, sex from here on out should include STI testing for both of you and protection for YOUR safety, whether he prefers sex without condoms or not.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 That is very suspicious. If you confront him, you may not get the truth. He may say it was his friend or use some other lame excuse. By all means ask him about it. Listen carefully to his excuse, and then just be more wary of signs of cheating like keeping his phone with him at all times, using work as an excuse for not being home on time, lipstick stains on his shirt, change in his sex drive, him going out and he can't account for the hours, but most of all listen to your gut. If it's telling you he's cheating, then he is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): Ask him outright why he had used condoms. Be firm and show him that you're not weak or blind to his actions, if he denies it then you're only going to get into an argument so you need to know what your decision is going to be before you even see him.
In your heart you probably already believe that he has cheated on you, but you need to know what you want rather than what you 'think' you know. I say think because he hasn't admitted anything yet and you don't know the circumstances around the used condoms, the obvious thing is that they're his. Does he ever have friends round and let them use his flat for anything? Think carefully about what you want and what you want to know but don't back down, be firm.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (27 September 2014):
I don't see any point in ASKING him about the condoms because he'll probably try to come up with a lame-ass excuse or foist the blame onto someone else.
TELLING him that you've found them and that you're now dumping his sorry ass, sounds like a much better plan of action.
But don't get into a talk about the why's and wherefores of his cheating or listen to his explanations. It won't change anything - he'll still be a cheater.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): ". . . would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?!"
No, because I don't ask questions when I already know the answers and I don't ask questions when I know the answers I'm going to receive will be lies.
". . . I know he has cheated on other girlfriends. I don't know what to say or do, but.I want to know what the hell he has done."
You already know what the hell he has done. What you should do is dump him, but if you're foolish enough to stay with him then you should start insist he uses condoms with you given that you have no guarantee that he's using them with all the other chicks he's banging/has banged behind your back.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (27 September 2014):
 You need to ask him. But it sounds like even if he says nothing happened you'll find that hard to believe. If he's a cheater that's a pretty big red flag
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