A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help after lengthy narriage I finally have been meeting some new people. However, I am finding this whole dating thing quite a struggle . It seems that I am competing against a world where men now want it all ... A thousand women , eternally young , shaved women, hairy women, tall women, short women , even she males. I've started seeing several men who at first seem lovely but it always seems to come out that they have these kinks or desires which seem mainly influenced by pornIt feels like as a normal everyday woman , that's simply not enough for a man anymore.Am I being naive to to think that a relationship with a woman is enough for a man now days . Is it normal that they all want something more but restrain themselves if they decide to commit ?If so then surely I'm better off alone Please men weigh in on this . What is the truth and how do other women deal with this if any other women experience these feelings
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): Dating is truly horrible for the most part. I don't bother now unless I meet someone who totally meets what I want. Go through several interviews before you even bother to go out with someone. Try to meet people in real life at outings etc. I went to a dating event recently with really pretty boring, not very intelligent, and some completely sketchy people. Even in real life you just never know for sure what you're going to wind up with unfortunately. The weird parts often come out later on, so I guess you can consider yourself lucky if they're honest about what they really want right away, then you won't waste any time. I wish you luck!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 If you limit yourself to dating sites, or make them your main hunting ground, yes, it's normal that you have this perception.
Nor thar all men on dating sites have necessarily to be crazy, kinky , perverted or superficial.
But... it's a bit like shopping for food , I guess. If you want to take care of your basic, normal, regular fare ( meat, fish, veggies, bread, milk.... ) you just go to the neighborhood supermarket, or farmers' market.
If you make the effort to dress up, make a reservation, drive downtown, and shell out some good cash ro dine in a restaurant, it's also or mostly because for once you want something new, something fancy, something exciting or exotic. And/or, something specific that you have in mind but you can't usually find in your neighborhood's grocery.
Erhnic food. Gourmet food. "Molecular " cuisine. A new experience. If you just wanted a plain egg white omelette and green salad, you would not bother, you can have that at home everyday.
Which does not mean than, after a period of experimentation, or evasion , you won't feel better and well satisfied with omelettes and green salads. But , you want to try different stuff first, before committing to a simple, healthy diet.
Seek out your men IRL situations- through friends, at social events, through sports or hobbbies or common interests. You are more likely to find someone who just wants a regular meal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): In the world of dating, adventurous people satisfy their fantasies first; and then they submit to reality. The average guy has been in several relationships over most of his adult-life. Some are just ending long-term relationships; and some guys just want to date, and aren't looking for commitments. They want more than just normal everyday women. That's what they had and wanted when they were in a committed relationship. There are more flavors than vanilla.
Isn't dating supposed to be about selection and sorting through types and personalities to find what suits your taste? You have to meet all types, you don't have to settle for anything you don't want. You can't be frustrated if it takes time to sort through the laundry. Yes, men do want normal everyday women, but they also want some fun and excitement before they settle down. They want to explore and meet all kinds of women.
Men pretty much need to get the kinks and frustrations out of their system. Just like women, they've been through the wringer emotionally, financially, physically, and psychologically. They've tried to commit to all sorts of personalities; and they've been through hell and back. Breakups, divorces, gold-diggers, and relationships with women whose medicine cabinets look like the corner pharmacy. Yes, some guys even like porn!
So some end up a little crazy. If they come rolling through your neighborhood; just make sure you stay out of their way. Those things you claim men are looking for are the extremes. Where have you been looking???!!!
The kind of guys wanting what you mentioned don't look for normal everyday women. They don't deserve nor want them.
Like anything precious and valuable. Good matches are rare and difficult to find.
If you make dating fun, and you're not pressuring yourself to find a husband or a boyfriend; you might enjoy the male companionship for what that in-itself is worth. If you approach dating on a manhunt mission, you'll have no fun. You're taking it too seriously and/or you've become too jaded; and you simply have a poor outlook and distorted perception of men.
Unless you're sorting through inmates or convicts; I can't imagine how you'd find so many terrible types in close proximity.
If your primary source of meeting guys is limited to online dating sites? You shouldn't be surprised to find such an assortment of freaks. That's because they can hide behind the screen of a device, lure in their prey, and jump out at you like the boogeyman. The same for clubs and bars. They look and seem great; until you're sober, and in better light.
Taking night courses, cooking classes, joining travel clubs, taking up golf lesson, getting acquainted with sports, will open a different place to meet and share time with a better quality of men. Don't be so judgmental and negative. It will reflect in your personality; and repel the type of good man that you're looking for. Nice-guys don't deserve to be with women who have a bad opinion of men.
Just be sure to stay positive, confident, and always working to improve yourself. Making sure you're not on the list of female-types good men are avoiding. Your idea of a "normal everyday woman" might need a few tweaks. If you're a good catch, it's only a matter of time before the right guy finds you. If you want a good man, you've got to be able to offer what a good man wants and deserves.
"Normal" shouldn't mean someone who doesn't take care of herself, or let herself go. Slick ladies try to slide-by with that one, and it doesn't cut it. It doesn't cut it for either gender. You want quality, you got to give it.
"Kissing a few frogs" is an old cliche; but the fact it still applies in these times, means you're not facing anything new in the dating world. Each type of man you meet along the way is teaching you something new, and heightens your awareness of the world you're living in. You'll learn to profile traits in guys that you may want to avoid. That's a good tool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): no kidding! I get a kick out of these guys that want a "10" but are at best a "2" themselves lol or the ones on the dating sites that say "looking for a REAL woman" but when they find her, haven't a clue how to treat her! men with strange fetishes, men who think they are just so great that they can pass on a handful of wonderful women, men who post ads for women half their age...the list goes on and on. one can raise their standards and play the same game, perhaps eventually the men would be a little more grateful, OR, like me, refuse to give in, or give up, and be happy with who I am, and let karma have their way with these "types" of men!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): I had two relationships with older men (54 & 46) who didn't watch much porn and also didn't like television. They grew up in a generation where women weren't sexualized to the degree they are today, and I think because they had less exposure to the media, they weren't shallow. I'm moderately pretty and I'm not fashionable at all, and I don't look like a porn star or a model or those other things you mentioned (seriously...hairy?)
Surely there must be more men out there who haven't been brainwashed by porn/media images. Guys?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 September 2014):
I personally prefer robots. Women have too many unpredictable emotions and can't lift more than a couple of hundred pounds.
For real though... If men didn't like "real women" (whatever that may be), then there'd be a lot less real women to like.
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