A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were together for many years. We've been broken up for quite awhile due to various reasons and I've been moving on fairly alright. We're no longer friends on facebook but can see certain recent activity, if we check, and we both do as we've been messaging on there lately. Anyway, he's been wanting to get back together and I've been unsure in going down that road again. I noticed earlier on his facebook page he liked a bunch of sexy pages. One was nothing but pictures of girls asses. This is one of those things he did IN our relationship that ended up getting out of hand. Now, remember, we are NOT together right now and he has every right to like whatever he wants to but to be honest, it bugs me he wants to get back together (we've been speaking everyday for a week or so) and then goes on his fb and likes all this nude/sexy shit. It is turning me off and making me NOT want to reconcile. I just know he'll message me later as if nothing's happened and expect me to reply but I almost feel like blocking him just so I don't have to deal with it. He had porn when we were dating and all I asked is for him to keep it private, out of my sight. He would often make similar requests from me as to which I'd always oblige, so I wasn't ever asking him unfairly.I'm sure this is really MY issue but it kind of hurts that he thinks of me enough to message me everyday and want to get back together but so little he's off perving on facebook pages and doing so publicly. If I were interested in getting back together with someone the last thing I would do is go liking a bunch of naked men. I'd do whatever I could to try and reconcile. Any thoughts or good words?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2014): I do think it is inconsiderate and childish behavior. The behavior of a teenager really and yet plenty of grown men seem to want to brainwash everyone into thinking this is normal or ok or whatever. He isn't the one for you so don't get back together with him. There must be something more to him for you have been considering a reconciliation and I'm curious to know what it is? Has he said why he wants to get back together?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Yeah, after reading You Wish's post, I had another thought that I want to share.
I think, that, beyond questioning the benefits and wisdom of a reconciliation ( on which, the consensus here seems to be that it would not be a wise or beneficial decisision and that it would all be like it was before ) I think you should have to question your WISH to reconcile in itself, the WHY would you ever want that.
Now, I realize that it may come off as presumptous and arrogant of me questioning your tatses and choices in men ( .. God knows I have had my share of questionable partners my self )... but, well, yes, I guess it's what I am doing. Why would you even be attracted to someone like that ? Why would you not find his behaviour a deal breker but just an "annoyance" ? .. I mean, love is blind and all that, but people do draw the line somewhere, don't they ?..
They may fall in love with, say, a pedophile, but once they know he's one, hopefully they would see him under a different light. Or they would chose to love him.... from a distance. In their minds and memory,if they can't help it, but not to associate with someone like that in their daily life.
Now, your ex's behaviour is certainly not as dangerous or socially deviant as being a pedophile, of course, ... but it would be equally UNATTRACTIVE to most women.
The reasoning would be simple : all men love boobs, OK. But normal men also like other things. There are so many things to like and take an interest in, in this world !
Music. Sports. Art. Nature. Movies. Games. Books. Food. Politics. Anything ! From lofty and intellectual , to banal and mundane.
It seems instead , from what you say, that basically this guy's main and overwhelming , if not ONLY interest and passtime, is smut and being lewd and raunchy. Always looking, looking, looking at something sexual. Being DESPERATE about perving and fapping. Putting together a whole page of naked asses for all to see, and choosing to show all the world basicaly what's he is all about : naked asses.
Now, I guess my question would be - and pardon me for my lack of diplomacy, but I am genuinely curious : what is it that you like in a guy like that ? ... Isn't he BORING ? Isn't his brain sort of empty, but for lots of tits and asses ?... At least that is what he sounds like from your post - not just a regular hot blooded guy with a normal healthy liking for women - but a major, out of control wanker.
... Are professional wankers interesting / entertaining except maybe to fellow professionsl wankers ?
I'd guess not.
Have you asked yourself what makes HIM interesting to you ? ...
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Maybe this analogy might help a bit, because I actually see his behavior as a huge red flag and stress in the strongest terms to you that you should NOT reconcile and that you SHOULD block him and be done with him:
We know that all men have penises, but what would you think of a guy who walks around the mall in public during a busy Saturday with his penis hanging out?? He'd be arrested for public indecency, right??
Here's another analogy - What would you think of two guys in a day care center filled with little kids, say, 2-3 years old, and they're talking in the crudest terms about women's genitals, cursing and using profanity that would make the paint peel off of the day care center itself? Why, you'd have every mom in existence looking for the nearest judge to get these guys away from there.
Or say, how about you're in a park. Families are having picnics...nature is beautiful and the sun is shining, and you look on the next blanket, and there's a guy with a magazine and his pants down rubbing one off right there, making all those who can see him choke on their food and move out of there as fast as possible?
It's one thing to know that guys use porn for their solo private time. Fine. But in public, posting womens' asses, posting nudes, "liking" and making lewd comments so public that YOU can see it...and you're not even his friend! That's lewd, inappropriate, offensive, and disgusting. Being in a relationship means you find out things about people, and sometimes, things are uncovered that are serious turn-offs NOT to be ignored.
The fact that this guy is so ate up that he must pollute his PUBLIC Facebook page with smut shows what he truly thinks of women, and that means you. Women have been reduced to "tits and ass", and he not only gets off on the porn, but he's so addicted that he gets off on the fact that he's exposed his lewdness on all of his friends, on the casual Facebook user, and you. I could not be around anyone like that. I have an uncle (by marriage) who is like that, and he wanted to fondle me when I was 13...I got away FAST. Before Facebook and the internet, he posted those very same kinds of pictures all over his garage until there wasn't a single clear space on the walls. It was nasty as hell, and so is your ex.
His compulsive addiction to being lewd will only worsen.
Run like hell.
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A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (25 September 2014):
 If you were moving on & you were happy why go back?
Especially if he is exhibiting the same/similar behaviour to what has caused issues in your relationship first time around.
Have a frank (face to face) conversation about why you find his behaviour upsetting/pervy/annoying.
The guy clearly hasn't changed & it's something that is obviously ingrained in his personality.
If you do get back together I can't see it going well
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 September 2014):
Well, at least you are seeing the shape of things to come. He is not being wily about it.
I mean, he could be showing you his best behaviour now, just to get you back, and THEN once he's gotten you back, turn around and start " fapping " like crazy. ( BTW, what does fap means ? I.e.- I get it intuitively of course, but fap stands for ?... is short for... ? ).
He does not have this kind of compunction. It figures. He feels that you are being childish and that's just a neurotic issue of yours. He feels that fapping is his unquestionable right ( he is only 50% correct, I mean, he has the right to fap, -being that he is officially single , but you have the right to not be thrilled about it ) so he feels that if you want to have him back, YOU will need to get over this.
Like I said- at least he is not being crafty. You know exactly what you can expect : to see history repeat itself.
Maybe you should not reconcile, and instead send him to.... fap off.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 You have every right to see his fancinations as 'pervy' but to most it's normal.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 September 2014):
Dear OP,
Of course.. in the end, every issue that anyone of us ever has.. is our own issue. That doesn't mean those issues need to be ignored and belittled. Your issue, or better said, your point of view matters. We are ALL subjective beings and there is hardly ever an objective right or wrong. So, you are entitled to your opinion, just as he is to his own.
A good relationship is based on two people considering their own, but also each others needs. If your boyfriend didn't get the point why you separated, and just told you that you are childish.. he won't make a step towards you in the future. He will tell you that every problem is your "issue".. not taking responsibility for his hurtful behavior or considering to change in order to make you feel more comfortable with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2014):
 It's not childish to NOT wants tits and ass in your face constantly. Or want to date a guy who is constantly looking for the next thing to "fap" to.
He doesn't understand that while it's OK to want to see flesh and "fap" - there is something in being respectful about and ... discrete. TO him HIS "fapping" and HIS "masterbutory aids"(aka naked or semi naked chicks) is HIS right. And if you find it lewd or crude then there MUST be something wrong about you. If he was 15-17 I could understand the whole "OMG BOOBS" but in his 30's? Seriously?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (24 September 2014):
Andhere we have yet anther good reason to stay away from fb.No one can have any privacy without someone "investigating"(snooping) and then getting all judgemental about it. My suggestion would be to leave him alone, youtwo are not an 'item' so what he likes or doesn'y like is none of your business. Get a life.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): Thanks for your reply. No, he'd never chatted on sex sites or anything like that but his use of porn and "sexy" material was causing a problem in our relationship. He'd never been unfaithful but I didn't realize he had a problem with "perving" until later on in our relationship. He would watch youtube videos of half naked girls dancing, or hula-hooping and always wanting to look, look, LOOK at something sexual. It finally got annoying. The night I broke up with him was because of this very reason. He'd asked me not to like this certain guy on fb and out of respect I didn't, 2 days later he went liking all of this skeezy bullshit and I'd finally had enough.
He tells me it's me being childish (maybe it is, i don't know) but to me it's inconsiderate to your partner and also to someone you're trying to get back involved with. I look at men, I find certain things sexy but I'm not so desperate to fap that I need to add it to my facebook to see on a daily basis.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2014):
You know you two broke up for a good reason and that issue (him and his chatting? on sex sites?) was never really resolved in a way that made you comfortable and NOW he is back to his old tricks and wants you back too.....
You two are going to have a repeat of the old relationship. Because YOU are already annoyed with his behavior and you are not even dating again.
It might just be YOUR issue that you don't want a BF who is Pervy on Facebook ( honestly I'd find that rather gross myself) but that is HOW you feel, and HE knows that. From when you two were dating i nthe past, and give gives about 2 fly farts about what you think/feel.
My guess is, he has added all the "sex-pages" now, so that YOU can not tell him to NOT have them on FB when/if you get back together.
For your own sake, I'd say don't re-start this relationship, you already know what's going to happen.
I wouldn't "just" block him, I'd tell him that you have thought about it and decided that getting back together is not what you want. After that you can block him or not.
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