A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged and been with my fiance now for almost 3 years. We have not left the UK once because he does not have a passport. I ask him to get one all the time because I want to go on holiday with him.The only time we go Awa is to a festival that he has been going to for 12 years now and he just cannot miss a year but luckily i like the same music.Anyway he went to London for the first time with his uncle in 2013 to watch the NFL game and then went to BOTH games with his uncle last year (I didn't get invited to any of these) and then I put my foot down this year and said no you've been two years in a row now and still haven't went anywhere with me and he didn't go but only cuz he was saving for my engagement ring but his uncle has went anyway alone and has asked him to go next year and he's thinking about it trying to suss out finances.I'm cracking up!!! I want to go on holiday, I used to go abroad every year until I met him and he doesn't have a passport so I'm like ok but if your going to go somewhere in the UK at least go with me, dont ditch me to go with your uncle and then when I moan tell me you'd have to save more to go abroad because its not!! He saves £1000 per game for travel, accommodation and spending money when we could somewhere all inclusive for both of us much cheaper than £1000.Anyway am I being unreasonable and over-reacting and selfish? He keeps telling me I am and now I'm thinking well one of us has to be...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): I have bad news for you: if he doesn't want to travel, then he is not going to travel. It's obviously he has different priorities . It took me many years to figure out why I hate travelling with my husband and when I figured it out both of our lives became much easier. My husband not only doesn't like to travel more than a week, he is a very different traveler than myself. Beginning with making thousands of pictures, running ahead of me , dissapearing from my view for half an hour at a time, walking endlessly for several hours in a row, making me plan every single detail of our traveling, he also doesn't late if he eats at nice restaurants or stays in nice hotels. While I don't mind nature and a little ruffness but I like good food, and comfortable place to sleep. We are so different in this aspect that we really don't enjoy each other company. I get upset when he runs ahead of me, it's like I am travelling by myself. So few years ago I started travelling with friends, and will continue to do so. My advise would be to give up now and not waste your breath on this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): I don't know what the answer about not needing a passport is about. Here in the uk you need one - whether you're flying to mexico or flying to Paris.I don't see what his issue is with getting one, it costs about £80 and is valid for a decade. He sounds pretty reluctant to actually do much with you - so just don't do anything with him and go away with friends or family instead. If he has a problem then you can tell him you've waited 3 years and got fed up and if he wants to join you he can sort it out himself.Is he afraid of going aboard? My husband when we met had never been anywhere and was pretty nervous, but he knew I had travelled lots with my family and that he would like to experience new cultures etc...so he got his passport and we went away together at 18. Despite being afraid, he knew it was because he had never done it so just had to get on and experience it and he realised he loved going away too.Your bf sounds like he takes you for granted a bit and you need to start doing your own thing so he gets chances to actually miss you and want to do things with you. It's nice he does things with his family but he should want to do things with you too!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I did not get the passport issue.It is an issue only if you want to go very far away, but from the budget you mention, I think you have in mind something like Spain or Greece, and you don't need a passport to visit another European Union country, just like UK is.
Anyway : Is he selfish ? Are you selfish ? .....Yes and not .
Meaning, yes, for once in a blue moon he could do what YOU want, just to make you happy. A little sacrifice to humour the partner is not the same as a lifetime of blind acquiescence, obviously, so if for ONCE you ask for a change of his plans, well-.. he must be one who likes having thing his way, isn't he ?..
On the other hand, it's not as much a matter of selfishness, I think, as of having very different tastes and different priorities.
If it were me, I would NEVER spend 1000£ to go see an NFL match. I would not go for FREE. Heck, I would not go if they GAVE me 1000 £ !:)
Then again, I have spent nearly as much just to spend a long weekend in Wien and catch a couple of Mozart concets at the Opera Theatre. Why, some people would say. Mozart is the same even if you listen it on the radio, or from a CD. You stay home in your armchair, turn on your hifi and save a bundle.
True , but... also false. It's all another thing.
Same as your bf would not get one hundred of the satisfaction and enjoyment just watching the game on Tv from his home.. or from the holiday resort where you want to drag him.
Everybody has got differet tastes and passions, and generally half of the world can't even begin to understand those of the other half.
Maybe your bf has not got the travel bug, or is in fact one of those persons who feel uhhappy when they are far from home. Maybe he does not share your tastes in terms of vacations, say, you like suntanning on the beach, and he gets bored to death there, so getting him to FUND this kind of vacation would be like pulling teeth .
It all depends . If he is not always and onariably a " me first " kind of person, if he can normally compromise on stuff...if this is ONE expensive habit, and his ONE rabid passion, I'd say, let him be, let him go and don't spoil his fun. You do not understand what's the big deal in watching a sport game... and probably he does not understand what would be the big deal in going clubbing in Ibiza, when you have tons of clubs at home.
If that's the whole bone of contention in your relationship- agree to disagree and pursue each one your interests. As Honeypie says, who ever said that you have to be sitting at home waiting for him ? If you've got the time and the money, go with your friends for a vacation of YOUR choice, and enjoy it. You surely can stand to be separated from your love object for a week or so, I imagine ?...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Then go on holiday with friends? I mean if he doesn't want to go, why sit at home?
Though this kind of caught my eye, you write:
"He saves £1000 per game for travel, accommodation and spending money when we could somewhere all inclusive for both of us much cheaper than £1000."
Um does that mean you want him to TAKE you somewhere As in him spending HIS money on YOU and HIm instead of just him?
Or did you mean that if he can save up 1,000 to go see a game, he can save up for a real holiday?
Honestly, THIS is the time in your life you CAN do this EASILY. Once you get mortgage, kids, balance getting the same time off from work... ect... it becomes SO much harder to travel.
WHY does he not want to travel?
Personally, I don't get that at all. I have, however ALWAYS had a travel bug. I LOVE to see new places and even visit places I've been to before. I enjoy eating mediterranean in Greece, or Italian in Tuscany (you just CAN'T get the same kind of food elsewhere. ) I love to see history in form of architecture, art and people. So for me.... THAT would be really hard to grasp that there are people out there who don't seem to want to see the world (or at least a few unfamiliar corners of the world).
Saying he doesn't have a passport is not an acceptable excuse, unless you ask him to fly to Paris the next day, but it seems like YOU would like to PLAN for next summers holiday together. And it takes 2-6 weeks to get a passport, it doesn't cost THAT much and it will be valid for 5-10 years.
I'd ask him again, if he is NOT interested in travelling or just haven't thought to do it.
Are you overreacting? I don't think so. I mean I UNDERSTAND that he SHARE a hobby (NFL) with his uncle an that is FINE - he doesn't HAVE to bring you along for that. I'm sure the few days he is gone you can do things with friend or just enjoy the peace and quiet. A couple doesn't need to be glued to each other or joined at the hip.
But are you being selfish? No. I would LOVE to drag my husband and kids ALL over Europe, to the places I HAVE been already and many I haven't yet. TRaveling, discovering and generally enjoying each other on a relaxing or active vacation is pretty normal for couples if you ask me.
How come YOU are the one being selfish when you WANT to include him, but he isn't selfish for wanting to "get away" from you with his uncle for some NFL stuff?
Seems like a HUGe double standard there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): I understand you frustrations. I travel every year and when I'm not traveling, I go sightseeing nearby. I could never date someone who didn't share these interests because that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. What's the reason he doesn't want to travel (with you)? He clearly doesn't share the same interests as your OR there might be a bad reason he can't get a passport. I would dump him for someone who shares the same view on life. Could you put up with this for the rest of your life in marriage?
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