A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We dated for three years. He went through some tough times and I was always by his side, helping him and never leaving him.We went through a bad patch, argued every day. He said we needed a short break. He said he will always love me and be there for me no matter what. He said we will always have a bond.During the first year after the break up he was still there for me when I needed help or just to talk about things. He even took me to lunch once for my birthday. All that only lasted about a year. Suddenly he stopped answering my calls and never calls me back even when I leave a voicemail saying it's urgent. His current girlfriend and I have mutual friends on Facebook. Whenever those mutual friends comment on her posts, I see them. I see pictures of them. I see him cooking with her, painting with her. He is doing everything with her that he refused to do with me. It's like he changed to a whole new person! He even looks so happy doing those things with her! They are now engaged after less than two years together! I was with him for three years!!! I did so much for him! What has this girl done for him? Why does he treat her so much better than me? Why did he break his promises to me? He said he will always be there for me, always care and always love me!! We were suppose to only take a break like we've done before. We were suppose to not give up and fight for our relationship! He gave up on me!! WHY???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2015): I had an ex that wouldn't marry me even though we had children and were together 8 years. He wouldn't do the housework, he was terrible with money, he hit me, all kinds of things. He wouldn't take us on holiday he wouldn't do lots of things I asked him. We argued all the time. But n the beginning of the relationship he did lots of nice things for me and I'm sure your ex was the same, it just faded.My ex dumped me for another woman, he married her within 6 months and had a baby after a year, he took them away on holidays and he does everything for her.The reason he wouldn't do things for me is because he was unhappy and very young. I wasn't happy with him and I'm so glad we split up. He's now matured and he's great with our children and we have a good relationship. He probably does these things with her because she's more compatible and they get on well.I don't care about all the things he does for her now because I can do those things with other people. I've had some good relationships where my boyfriend would do all the things he didn't. So rather than concentrating on what he's doing for her try and find a new relationship with a guy who does these nice things for you because you get on.As for Facebook, the world would be a lot happier if we didn't have the opportunity to see stuff like this and compare. Also people can put the happiest photos up but in reality it's not perfect!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 October 2015):
 Question(s): " What has this girl done for him? Why does he treat her so much better than me? Why did he break his promises to me? He said he will always be there for me, always care and always love me!! We were suppose to only take a break like we've done before. We were suppose to not give up and fight for our relationship! He gave up on me!! WHY???"
Answer: What difference does it make?
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 Here's another opinion. It's correct that constant arguments is a sign of incompatibility and it takes two to argue. However arguments don't come out of nowhere unless one of you had been provoking them on purpose. To make you conform, to test your submissiveness, to make you learn that it's his way or the high way.
I had been on both sides of the story. I had been the young, naïve woman that my ex husband married after he abandoned his first family. I had been the one dumped and had to see my ex go after an older woman and form a serious relationship. Now that I am older I can see clearly that it's not about who got the better quality but who could make a smoother relationship and not question, even when the man is not making good decisions in life.
Your ex could have been saying to his current partner that you used to do this, argue with that, as a warning to her what not to do. So she vowed she would be the opposite of you. He's manipulating her to believe that if she does what he says, then she gets the commitment.
Assuming this might not even be a compatibility issue and you are clueless about how your ex thinks, there are two books that might help you. One is "why does he do that," the other one is "psychopath free".
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 Another question might be "What is she doing for him that I wouldn't do to get him to do all these nice things for her?"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 October 2015):
 I agree with the aunties and uncle.
Breaks rarely work in relationships. The only time they actually work is when there is a break so the ISSUES can be worked through separately. You two didn't do that.
He initiated a break up, but he called it a break most likely because he felt that was dumping you in a "nicer way" than saying I'm so done, it's over.
And YouWish is right, you two were not a good match. He SAID a lot of things - like "he will always love me and be there for me no matter what. He said we will always have a bond." Pretty words, but NOT backed up by any actions.
You then got strung along for a WHOLE year because you only relied on what he said, without looking at his actions. His actions? HE ENDED it.
He then cut you off after a year, because he presumed that YOU would realize there is not going to be a reconciliation. And that keeping you around is NOT good for his new relationship.
There can be many reasons as to why he moved slower with you than with her. 1. you said he had a lot of issues that you helped him with - when those issues were dealt with and he no longer needed someone to be strong for him, he moved on. And maybe he realized that even though you were his rock for years, you weren't "the one" that he could see himself grow old with. She however is.
I have to agree, that I can't IMAGINE arguing for days in a relationship, it must be exhausting! And long term? I wouldn't want to be with one whom I can't seem to resolve issues with, but instead have all that pent up drama. I just couldn't live my life like that, it's too draining.
You really need to let him go. Because he IS gone. He has moved on, you need to do that too. He isn't your friend. He is your ex.
And life is not a competition. She isn't "better" than you or more deserving - she is just a BETTER fit FOR him. It happens. And it hurts. But the longer you hold on to that hurt, the longer you are holding yourself back from meeting someone with whom you ARE a good fit.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 He gave up on you way before getting together with the second girl. He gave up on you when he asked for a
" short break " that , once you are out of teenhood, it's just lingo for " it's over by I don't know how to tell you without you going balistic ". Sometimes- often, in fact- you've got to be cruel to be kind , and , while your ex did not have the guts to hurt you by a clean break, and he thought he'd let you down easy transitioning you to a nice, cozy friendship, - that did not work for you and it only alimented your false expectations and wishful thinking ( obviously ! Exes can really stay friends only when neither has romantic lingering feelings for the other ).
Before chastising the guy , though, for being such a wimp and a coward etc., I must say he could even have been in good faith, I mean, maybe he assumed that, after one year, you had quite gotten the message that there was no future together for you two ! Come on, one year ?! Wasn't it supposed to be a SHORT break ?!
This , though, I suppose just retrodates your question one year back, as to why he gave up on you and why he does gladly all these things with the new gorl.
Because you two weren't compatible, and could not get along- and this takes the sails off a relationship even it there may be in it other things like sexual attraction, or strong emotions. For most people the constant bickering and arguing just gnaws away at the
" meat " of the relationshoè, so eventually ... there's nothing left to fight for, but the bare bones of something that USED to be good.
You were just not suitable, not made for each other, not likely to make each other happy in the long run. He felt he could be happier with someone else- and he is being proven right. Probably he should have been more outspoken, more direct and should not have let you hope in some rekindling- then again, in adult love stories ot is always buyer beware, and if you did not, and do not question the meaning of an ONE YEAR break, ...... the way you feel now may be not your "fault", but it's surely in large part your responsibility.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 October 2015):
I’m afraid YouWish is right. Unfortunately too many people try to hang on to relationships that are failing because the couple just don’t work together. This is where all this nonsense about taking a break comes from: naivity or the reluctance to be hard-nosed and spell it out that it’s over. Temporarily exiting a relationship in trouble, with nothing more than the stated intention of re-entering it at some unspecified time in the future fixes absolutely nothing and the fact that you remained in this limbo for a year is proof of that. Unfortunately the signs were all there that you should end things, but neither of you did. This has ultimately been made much worse by your continuing to rely on him for emotional support after the breakup, for that is what it was I’m afraid. The hurt that you feel is understandable because you have obviously comforted yourself for a long time with the belief that things are going to sort themselves out, but he’s finally done the right thing and moved on. He has probably learned his lesson the hard way through his experience of living through the messy decline of your relationship and you must do the same. Constant arguing and not being able to identify together why you’re arguing and find solutions that actually work to make things better are signs that as a couple you don’t work. In future, if either you or a partner wants out for a break, accept that it’s time to make that break permanently. If you really must have a break, at the very least agree a time after which you’ll re-assess the situation and if it’s still unchanged, walk away.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 October 2015):
 It's pretty obvious what happened. A relationship CANNOT withstand arguing, strife, and stress for days on end. That means that your relationship was not compatible. All the "we'll always have a bond", "short break", and "he'll love you and be there for you" are things people say to assuage their guilt in breaking up with someone. There *are* no "short breaks". Breaking up is BREAKING UP.
You dated for three years and stayed broken up for a year later while still having contact. That was one year too many. You can't live in limbo like that, and neither can he. Fighting for a relationship? What fight? You did all the fighting while IN the relationship! You drew on him emotionally after the relationship ended, and finally, he did the healthiest thing possible for the BOTH of you:
He moved on.
They're more compatible together, and you are no longer his girlfriend. If you were the new girlfriend, would you want ongoing contact with an ex whose goal is to get back together? Not a chance!
You need to do what he's done, and that's to move on yourself. He's moved on and is going to marry this new girl. It's time to fight for YOUR OWN LIFE away from him, and that means to stop surveiling the posts and pictures of both of them. It's got to end. It's over. The more you hang on, the more masochistic your actions will be. He isn't there for you because he's there for HER. The promises he made to you were while he was still with you, and anything he said to you after your "break" were in the name of guilt and not wanting to hurt your feelings.
He couldn't take the constant arguing, and on top of that, you were pulling on him emotionally, and he was doing the same in the beginning, and that is NOT what a relationship is.
Your relationship didn't last. It's happened to all of us. There's someone else out there more compatible with you, and I suggest never allowing there to be fighting and arguing for days on end, or every relationship that happens to wil; crack. That's neediness to constantly emotionally drain your partner through either strife or having them comfort you constantly. That's not what relationships are either.
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