A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 3 months now. He is 26 and im 22. We both are very alike, and very much comitted to each other. He even gave me a promise ring. I understand that we are still very new to each other since, we've only been together for 3 months. But when you know, you know. He lives an hr away from my house, so i spend every weekend at his place, where he lives with his dad. His dad, is a nice man, but he gets on our nerves about cleaning because he is a germaphobe and is always around. I really feel uncomfortable, to be going over there every weekend. I really wish my bf would get a place, so that we wouldnt have to be bothered by his dad all the time. Bec he never leaves his house. My bf has a good job and everything, and wants to move out, but he keeps second guessing the decision since he is scared he wont be completly financially able. I told him, I would help him out n everything. I really need him to do this quick bec I really cant keep goig over there, its annoying and very uncomfortable. He cant come over my place, because I live in a one bedroom apartment with my mom. What should I do, to push things along faster if possible?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2015):
 3 months of dates - on weekends only - and you already want to push him out of his parents ' house ? Unmm.. isn't this veryn... pushy ?
Plus, at leasr he has a place , even if not of your complete liking, where he can have you over. You can't even offer him the same, so, if any- and since YOU are the one who has a problem with his place and his father; he does not - logic says you should be the one to leave YOUR parent and find a place whwre you can have your bf over.
What are you saying ?...That you would do it but right now this is not convenient / affordable / financially sensible or prudent for you to do ?...
There you go; evidently, neither is for him atm.
Why do you want to push him doing something which you would not appreciate if other people pushed you to do ?
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (16 October 2015):
 I think you are rushing this way too fast.
It has only been 3 months...12 weeks...90 days.... it isn't a lot of time together if you only see him at weekends.
To decide to move in together at this point would be exceptionally damaging to your relationship, and suggests a little lack of maturity on your part, because from your question it does seem to be you pushing for this.
Your boyfriend seems happy to let things naturally happen. You are the one forcing the issue.
It is incredibly generous of your BF's Dad to be letting you stay so often. Are you contributing to the household finances for all the food etc that you use? Do you offer to do anything round the house, or do you just treat it like a hotel?
"I really need him to do this quick bec I really cant keep goig over there, its annoying and very uncomfortable."
This statement is so rude. With that attitude I am quite sure he finds you annoying too. And quite possibly ungrateful as well.
Relationships are a 2-way street. BOTH parties have to make sacrifices to make it work. It seems like you don't want to. You are still only in the very early stages of dating, really I wouldn't even class it as a serious relationship just yet because you have spent so little time together in reality.
You do not yet have the right to dictate how your BF spends his money, or lives his life. The more you push this issue, the more likely your BF is to get cold feet and walk away from you.
If your BF was writing this question, saying his GF of 3 months was trying to force him to get a place of his own which he couldn't afford, I am quite sure 99% of the answers would be telling him it was a massive red flag and to run away as fast as he could.
The fact you are even asking this so soon, would make me worry what you would be like if you did live together. What else would you try and force him to do?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2015):
 How do I push my bf to leave his parent's house?
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You don't.
First of all, you have been dating for 3 months. Second of all while his Dad might be a clean/neat freak it's HIS house and if he likes it clean, the least you and the BF can do is not make a mess.
YOU are a GUEST at his (the Dad's) house EVERY week-end? So my guess is he expects you to clean up after you shower? Clean up messes YOU and your BF makes when you get snacks/food (which by the way I'm sure Dad also pays for) Which means, his house... HIS rules.
You might think you know he is one for you.. but again, 3 months of dating it not very long.
YOU BF is not ready to move out. So you pushing is not at all supportive of you. Can you imagine him moving out and then having to move back home because he actually CAN'T afford to live on his own? Or because you move in and you two can't stand living together? After all... YOU have only know each other 3 months!
Or like SVC mention room-mate situation. Maybe YOU can get a room-mate situation and HE can some stay with you on week-ends? DO you have a job?
As for him having a good job, that is great! but it's NOT up to you to decide how he should spend his money. Maybe he is staying with his parent so he can save for a car or a down payment for his first place.
You whole post is all about what YOU want. You are ignoring that in a relationship there are 2 people. And 1. he may not be ready to move out - 2. he might not WANT to move out 3. he might not really be able to afford to move out and have a decent living.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 October 2015):
 I suggest that you be "patient".... IF you and he are destined to be together (live at the same address) in the future... you can wait until such a move comes about more naturally (WITHOUT you're having to force the issue upon the two of you...)
Spend a lot of time smiling at his Father, and telling him (the father) how much you like spending time at his home....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2015):
 I wouldn't push him to leave his house
It's only 3 months you are together. Even a "promise ring" seems a bit premature.
pushing him to make a permanent move when he's worried about finances seems wrong.
Moving in together this early on is not a good idea either.
but perhaps he can find a roommate to share a place with.
I think if you two want to be together and not around his dad that a hotel every other weekend would work better than the stress of being in his place weekly.
also split the cost
and remember if you spend money on hotels the savings he needs to move out will take longer to accrue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2015): You can't push him its his choice. Its not his fault you don't have him at yours and you are the one going to his every weekend. This seems a bit one sided and way too soon after only 3months! Why not try planning a holiday together and see how things go with just the two of you, or weekend break? Seeing someone at weekends is not the same as licing together 24\7. My advice would be get to know this guy a lot better (and for longer) and the quirks and bad stuff before you rush into moving in. (Is that your idea or his? It needs to be both)
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 October 2015):
If you push him to leave his parents, would he be happy? Is he ready to move out? Can he live on his own? I don't think this matter should be entirely about you, considering your own living situations. Living on your own is a tremendous expense and he is justified by his reasons, after all, he shouldn't have to depend on someone else (you) as a basis for moving out. Just leave the situation up to him because if it doesn't work out, and he isn't happy then he will just blame you for it. I think it is too soon for you to tell this guy he should be moving out after only 3 months of dating. You guys should be able to plan things better, like little getaways for privacy which is a lot easier than moving out and leaves room for dating.
There are a lot of questions then about the type of person he is and wants to be, and the things he wants out of life but that is an entirely different matter. It can warrant saving money by living home. Rent will always be a constant expense and will leave no growth if your job isn't sound.
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