A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the first time ever I feel I might have made a connection with someone I met online, but I can't help but think she's seeing other guys whilst she's texting/chatting with me. I noticed she's registered on multiple dating sites as well. Does not exactly inspire confidence. And since I haven't met her in person I'm too afraid to ask. Ruining any chance I might have.I hate this feeling of uncertainty, is there anyone who knows how I might figure out if I have any competition?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell you're definitely right I'm taking this too seriously, I just really like this girl, and I'd be very dissappointed if it didn't pan out.
I've been on dating sites for over a year, and she's the one person I've talked to over an extended period of time, who I have alot in common with.
It's just annoying sometimes that when you get to know someone and it doesn't work out, you have to start over entirely with someone else. Has happened to me way too often over the past couple of years and I'm getting tired of it.
Thanks for your help by the way :-)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 Aren't you taking this a bit too seriously ? Too intensely ? The acquaintance with this girl is recent- and you haven't even met yet.
I get what you mean, in a way, and yes, I think too that if this girl was in love with you, or very smitten at least, her thoughts would be on you most of the time, and she could hardly forget whether she has a date lined up with you or not !
But... that's the thing : is she SUPPOSED to love you, to be in love with you, to be crazy about you- at this stage ??? Without even having seen you yet, without knowing you but superficially ?...Aren't you expecting and assuming a bit too much ?
She sent you signals because she is somewhat interested , ,otherwise she would not have accepted a date . If this interest can turn into something more, I guess you will have to go on the date to assess it, and take it from there.
Yes, she could also be similarly somewhat interested in some other guy. We do not know it for sure, but it could be. So ? It's not a matter of " trusting her ", because she is not doing anything questionable or suspicious at this stage. That's how it works with dating sites. If it bothers you that there MIGHT be other people after her, and that her curiosity might have been piqued by some other guy too- , and you want to meet someone who is clearly into you and you alone- then I suppose you'd have to stay altogether away from dating sites , because that's, all in all, the point of dating sites : giving you alternatives, giving you the chance to meet a few different people at the same time, while if you have to do that IRL just counting on chance and luck, it may take a lot of time to do it .
So maybe- maybe - she is taking a shortcut, which is not wrong per se. She accepted coming on a date with you, which is good , because it means she does have a certain interest in you. Now, if you want her to have an all-encompassing interest in you, and not to be able to think about anything BUT you, and not stand staying 2 or 3 days without you because that would pain her too much.... well, I think you are asking a bit too much, and I also think it would not be such a great thing if she was already in love with you and thinking of you all the tome , at this stage. It would mean she roots her relationships in fantasy rather than in factual reality.
So, relax ;go to your date, and see what happens. If she is coming on a date with you- that means she has not found " the one ", or at least what's she looking for yet. And what she is looking for, might as well be exactly you- why not ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been about a month now, and I managed to get her to go on a date with me. The date is set for next sunday. What bothers me is that I hadn't heard from her all weekend, and when I did talk to her today she thought she had forgotten to meet up with me this weekend. Kind of makes me feel a little unwanted and basically unimportant if she could forget the date or me for that matter.I really don't get it, during the past month she'd been sending several signals that she's interested. Unless I thought that but they weren't... It's just hard for me to trust someone who as I said before might be in contact with other guys, so I can't help but thinking one of those other guys carries more significance then me, and that's why her thoughts aren't with me. It's really confusing to me.I guess I'll see how the date goes.I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 September 2015):
Of course you have competition ! How could you not have competition ? She is registered on numerous dating sites, so I guess the idea is to get to know several possible candidates and then make her final selection from a number of possibilities. Plus, any female profile is so flooded with responses and attention, that even if she is picky, or has very precise criteria about whom she is looking for, it would be strange if she had not chanced into some other guy who piqued her curiousity same as you did.
Then again, you have not even met yet, never went on a date , you are just a chat buddy, or a suitor at best. Ir
It's not like she is betraying you or disrespecting you if she is also in touch with other males.
But, nothing ventured nothing gained. You do have a fighting chance, if she keeps chatting / texting with you ,- and you should use it, by making your move and staking your claim.
Otherwise what do you want to do... just blabber away forever and hope to seduce her by the captivating turn of your phrases ? Risky- while you talk , competition may act and snatch her away ; and anyway , it's often misleading and pointless to fall in love , or make someone fall in love, over a written page. Real life may be all different, you need to see the person, to spend time with them to find out if the connection is actually there, and not just ... literary.
So, don't worry too much about competition- be a good sport . You do your thing and have yout try and may the best man win. You might not be the winner ; but it would be worse losing her to somebody else for not having tried at all: wouldn't you feel like a big fool in this case ?
I guess of course that you could always ask her : have you met anybody interesting on line, or are you talking to other guys, or something. But probably she would sort of elude this question ( she is not stupid, she knows that if you ask this ,it's not to shoot the breeze but it's because you like her, so , if she wants to spare your feelings / ego maybe you cannot count on a 100%straightforward answer ). Besides, anyway, who cares ? If she is giving you a chance- USE this chance , and take it from there !
Or, do you go to job interviews only if you know for sure that they are not going to interview anybody else for that position, just you ??!!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 It is better to know now, isn't it? You just haven't plucked up courage to put it in a question. And if she is registered on multiple sites, of course you have competition. But the one who comes good might be you. You need to be brave and go for what you want. No woman wants a man who won't take a risk to win her. And anyway, what's the worst that can happen? You get turned down. Well, if you are waiting for other suitors to just fly away you are going to lose the prize.So, man up, and stake your claim.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): HiI have met people online so i understand your situation, and i'm not going to tell you meeting people online is bad or doesn't work, i think its a good additional way to meet people.The best thing to do is try to meet her in person, that is the way to eliminate the competition. You will always have competition for a womans heart even if she isn't registered on many sites like that, they are approached all the time. the best thing for you to do is see her in person and show her why you're the best she can get! :)You said you had a good connection, so i'm sure feels that way too. it takes 2 people to form a connection so probably she is thinking the same about you.I use online dating websites occasionally and if i met a girl i really liked, i would not delete the accounts, i might even login sometimes but it doesnt mean i am looking for someone else, i usually do that as i think the girl i like probably doesn't like me so if i delete them i'll have to make them again one day. so i think its best to meet her if you can and then take it from there, if you cannot then perhaps try something like a skype call :)if she is still chatting with you regularly, then i think you have nothing to worry about :) just take it easy and see where things go.
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