A
female
age
26-29,
*eekn'boo
writes:He hasn't texted me :( So my ex boyfriend and I recently began talking. We talked great and had basic conversations. Before we broke up we would tell each other "i love you" but since we broke up I don't feel comfortable telling him that again. Of course I still love him but I want to be sure that I'm ready to say it because I want it to be a meaningful phrase, in the past we overused the phrase and for me it lost it's significant. We are currently not back together but we call each other babe/baby and he still says "i love you" after every phone call. When he tells me that I ignore it :( (but not in an obvious way) and don't tell him I love me back and instead say okay goodnight baby i'll text you later or okay babe. We texted everyday for a week and called each other every night, low key it was getting a little annoying but all of a sudden on day, he didn't text me good morning or good night. I took it as okay he maybe busy and forgot, so i text him "hope you have an amazing day." He quickly called and we spoke about our day and all was gravy. I was the last to text him and we haven't spoken since that call, which was two days ago.I don't want to text him because I don't want to feel like I'm bothering him but I'm super curious as to why he stopped texting me :(. Did i do something wrong? We went out for 3 months before we broke up and we have been broken up for a month now.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2015):
 Good luck in with your classes and rock your GPA! You won't have to worry about what he's doing and that might actually give you a mental break. :)
A
female
reader, peekn'boo +, writes (6 October 2015):
peekn'boo is verified as being by the original poster of the question @Tishna-1 (: lol thanks will chill and thanks for the advice (:
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2015):
Oh, and P.S. if he's a bright guy he surely knows you want to impose some restrictions on his party style. He may not want to discuss that so he's keeping the convos quiet and not about super deep stuff just yet.
You've only been dating 3 months, and have been apart for one month.
A friend of mine has a beautiful daughter (bear with me) who dated and then broke up with a uni boyfriend. They went their separate ways, were apart for years, had other boy/girl friends in that time frame. About 10 years after graduation, they reconnected at a reunion and *boom* it was fireworks and it was all new and bright and they reconnected to the point that they are now have a beautiful baby after marrying a few years ago.
What's the point of this story? It illustrates that ancient saying, "if you love someone, set them free." If it was meant to be, they'll come back to you.
I think you are being too available and he knows that you would take him back in a heartbeat (with said guidelines in place). So I think your wiser move would be to open up a gap and allow him a chance to miss you.
Get super busy with friends and activities. Make sure some of those friends and activities involve super handsome fellow classmates, that there is photographic evidence of same on your social networks (obviously no grinding pics), that you don't reply for a day or two yourself.
You are too available. You are also demanding something from him that he's not 100% sure he wants to give. Therefore, stop being so available. And don't demand anything.
Make him wonder if you might not find a hotter "better" boyfriend right there where you are and he'll have lost his chance with you.
If he doesn't try to close the gap? Well, I'm sorry, he's just not invested in the relationship as you are.
Chill, woman, chill.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2015):
I remember reading your post about suggested guidelines for your relationship: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/this-is-a-second-attempt-at-our-relationship.html
You sound like you are a very earnest and optimistic young woman who is doing her best to salvage this relationship. I'm just wondering if he's truly an earnest and optimistic young man who is doing his best to salvage the relationship as well. It takes two to fix this, ya know? :/
I know, that's not the advice you want, but what I think is that he's not as invested in saving the relationship as you are.
You two are 6 hours apart, he's the president of his fratenity, he's going to be at parties. Did you present these guidelines just yet or are they on the slate to discuss when you two get together again?
How did you two become boyfriend/girlfriend if your universities are so far apart?
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A
female
reader, peekn'boo +, writes (5 October 2015):
peekn'boo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSupplementals:
@CindyCares :) your advice was really helpful (: but we attend different universities :( and we are currently 6 hours away from each other. Although, we will see each other for major holidays and special days, I have decided to not recommit until we see each other again and talk relationship expectations and guidelines. The reason I want to give our relationship a second chance is because I love him and our passion and goals are very similar. Also he is so sweet and has made himself vulnerable, which for him is huge so I want to reciprocate his efforts but thanks so much for the advice (:
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A
female
reader, peekn'boo +, writes (5 October 2015):
peekn'boo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSupplemental information: We broke up because my best friend told me she saw him dancing (grinding) with another girl at a party. I wasn't there and when she told me I was mad so I impulsively dumped him. After a month of not talking, I was able to rethink my decision and I also felt that I acted too impulsively, not giving him time to explain. He called after our break up but I didn't do much to continue the conversation. Eventually, I got over the situation and talked to him again. We talked over what happened that night and he said he was drunk but promises he didn't cheat. It seems very stupid to trust what he told me but I decided to believe him. Although, I highly doubt my friend lied to me, she has disliked him since she met him and she was also drunk that night.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 It would help to know why you broke up ( over what ) and who dumped whom.
Because what you are doing now is sort of bizarre and pointless and ineffective either way, i.e. whether you can patch up things, or you can't.
It's like you haven't really broken up, if you keep flirting and throwing around all these baby baby and I love yous, and you are in daily contact- and you count on it so much that two days of NC give you the jitters.
That's not what Exes do. Exes stay out of each other's way- ir, some manage to stay " friends " ( so they say ) but friends are friends , not lovers, they do not romance each other as you two are doing.
So, my point is :
if it was just some silly lovers ' tiff and you broke up over some none-too-serious ego thing , and you are officially still " broken up " out of stubborness... come on, kiss and make up :). If you still love him and you want him back- then just tell him already, so you can start again being loveydovey in person and not just by text, which is inappropriate and a tiny bit ridicolous .Why texting if you can SEE each other.
If instead the break up comes from some big deal breaker for either of you ( cheating, verbal abuse, major lifestyle incompatibilities )- then be mature about it and STOP sniffing around each other. If what divided you was a big thing- neither of you has changed in less than one month, there would be no point in getting back together and also the text flirtataion needs to go so that you can both move on. What's the point of staying in this romantic limbo ? I see it makes you anxious and frustrated , you should, I think, know where you stand, - and if you two for some reason cannot / shoould not be together, then you have to be brave enough to stand alone.
I know that his does not answer your original question, which was simply : why has he not texted me in the last 2 days ?
But I don't think any Aunt has a sensible answer to this, we are Aunts not mind readers . How would we know ? Maybe he is feeling under the weather, coming up with a cold or something and does not feel chatty. Maybe he has met a new girl and is texting to her. It could be everything.
But rather than sitting there wringing your hands and tryng to guess what he wants , you'd better take charge and decide what YOU want. You want to offer him ( or be offered ) a second chance ? Tell him.
It sounds as if a second chance would be a waste of time ? Then stop clinging ( or letting him cling ) ! , and move on.
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