A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles, I need some help here regarding a female Friend who has been asking my Boyfriend out. My Boyfriend and I discuss about boundaries with opposite gender friends and we both agree hanging out one on one with the opposite gender is a no go (this is just what we prefer and agree on but I know it's different for other couples). He used to have a colleague (colleagues for five years) whom he was friends with and now they no longer work with each other. Prior to that they saw each other a few times a week due to work and sometimes they went out for beers after work. Since they stopped working together seven months back, she has asked him out at least ten times and I think the frequency is increasing. Once she called him out of the blue to talk about her relationship problems. On another occasion, she asked my boyfriend's roommate if my Boyfriend was really as busy as he claims. My Boyfriend has been telling her he is busy and has no time but she doesn't get the hint that he doesn't want to hang out anymore. She just asked last week, but he ignored her. He was starting to get annoyed with her too. The next day she texted again to ask him out and if she had done anything wrong. Is it odd that when a Friend has rejected you so many times to hang out, you still continue asking them out? Anyway from where I am from, it is odd for someone who is attached to me hanging out one on one (even more so for activities like drinking and going to pubs) with the opposite gender. He has told me though, from where he is from, it is very normal for attached partners to hangout alone with opposite gender friends, and maybe even stay over at each other's places. But he doesn't do it himself and finds it odd as well.Anyway, both he and I are annoyed with this girl. I told him if it's in a group with her, I'd feel more comfortable. But they don't have many mutual friends in common so he doesn't see himself keeping in touch with her or staying Friends with her. How does one nicely tell a opposite gender Friend you don't want to hang out anymore? Or is there no way to do so? P.S. we are an interracial couple in a one year ldr relationship and we plan to move in together next year. He is from Europe. I am from Asia.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 I do not see why your bf could not simply tell this girl the truth : that both he and his partner ( you ) feel it is inappropriate for a person in a committed relationship to hang out one on one with someone of the opposite gender, and that you have agreed to avoid that type of situation.
Now, it is true that differente cultures and different people have different views about this ; some may feel just like you and your bf, while others may feel that's not a big deal and friends are friends whichever sex they are.
BUT, your bf does not have to convince this girl, or to defend his position to her. He just has to state it. The girl, if she has a minimum of class, will respect his choice, even if she does not share it.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 sorry I meant to say : socialising without partners is something we agreed NOT doing
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (19 November 2015):
Firstly I think it needs to come from your bf and secondly I think a quick and simple phone call should do it. Perhaps a soft approach with thank you for the invites however socialising without partners is something we agreed on and now that you are in a committed relationship simply don't have the time anyway. No need for a lengthy explanation.
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