A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl on an online dating site a few months back. We had a great emotional and intellectual connection and got along great. However, we made the mistake of not meeting quickly enough. So while our connection deepened significantly, we still hadn't met each other. When we did finally meet, the date went very well. I quite liked her in person but she was slightly disappointed and couldn't hide it (although didn't say it).We met a few more times since but she recently remarked that our real life chemistry wasn't like our virtual chemistry. I'm slightly old-fashioned and on none of our dates or meet ups did I try to kiss her or hold her hand or break the touch barrier, so I don't know how she would have responded to that. Since our last meeting - although she does respond or acknowledge my messages - she's been less communicative and her tone is different. She's had to travel for work and her brother was recently hospitalised, so I know she may have other things on her mind. My question is this: I really like this girl. She's funny, cute, nice, shares my interests and is a whole lot of things that'll fill pages. Frankly, I haven't felt like this in a long, long time. However, I can see this heading to a place where she tells me that we don't have any potential for a relationship. Is there anything I can do, or, if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2015): Hi - OP here. Thank you everyone for your advice (and femmenoir, for your kind words).I did speak to her over the weekend and well, she doesn't see this going anywhere (put much nicely). Although she's great and I think I'll make an honest effort of being friends. If possible, after some time. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, BE125 +, writes (24 October 2015):
I understand your wanting to try and make things work. In this case it seems as though your gut feeling is giving you the answer. If you want to know for sure what the deal is, I think it's perfectly fine to just come out and ask her how she feels and that you've noticed a change in her. I think you need closure here one way or the other. For me, knowing for sure is better than wondering. When we wonder it can cause us all kinds of unnecessary distress and anxiety. I wouldn't want to see you go through that so I would have that conversation with her to find out exactly why she was disappointed. I think she owes you that much. Maybe it can be rectified, maybe it can't. But at least you'll know for sure and I think that will help you to move forward one way or the other. Best to you.
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A
male
reader, BE125 +, writes (23 October 2015):
I understand your wanting to try and make things work. In this case it seems as though your gut feeling is giving you the answer. If you want to know for sure what the deal is, I think it's perfectly fine to just come out and ask her how she feels and that you've noticed a change in her. I think you need closure here one way or the other. For me, knowing for sure is better than wondering. When we wonder it can cause us all kinds of unnecessary distress and anxiety. I wouldn't want to see you go through that so I would have that conversation with her to find out exactly why she was disappointed. I think she owes you that much. Maybe it can be rectified, maybe it can't. But at least you'll know for sure and I think that will help you to move forward one way or the other. Best to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 October 2015):
 Is there anything I can do, or, if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it?
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Sorry, OP - there isn't. You can't MAKE people like you or feel something for you, they JUST don't feel.
Instead of keep trying with this ONE girl, learn from the whole thing. Next time met up earlier.
You could definitely ask her (even though I think she already told you and her level of communication and interest shows that the interest is waning for her.)
Sorry.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 October 2015):
 "Is there anything I can do, or, if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it?"
You've answered your own "question"..... IF the fish aren't biting, it's unlikely that you can get them to jump in to your boat!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2015): Hi,
I was also in an "online thing" for about 3 months. We never met because he is in a different continent. And he eventually went out on dates with other girls and I think he may have liked that. So we stopped talking. He didn't tell me anything, it just happened. What I do know is that he wasn't in the right place, and he may still not be.
So I never got my "Oh I'm sorry this might not work out" or "Oh I'm sorry I am sort of busy and may not be able to talk to you as much". It was abrupt, I waited for a month and when he didn't respond I took the step of cutting ties by removing him from my friend's list.
That was my way of saying bye cos I don't like things to be left hanging.
Most people will not say this is over so sometimes it is for you to decide. If you feel like it won't work out... take that step and let it go. It will be easier for both.
If you feel you want to try you can hold on for a bit and see where it goes.
You can ask her how she feels about you. That would help you decide. It might be hard to take rejection but its better than wasting time over something which may never pan out.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2015):
 Sorry OP but as for me I really think that if she is not feeling it, she is not feeling it.
After all, it's not as if this girl has been capricious and superficial, like, cutting you off after one date because, say, she did not like the shape of your nose. She did the p.c. thing by going out with you on more dates, to see, I suppose, if your intellectual compatibility makes up for lack of real life chemistry- and unluckily it seems it does not, she is still not feeling it.
If she is a sensitive person now she is in a pickle because she'll want to let you down easy, without hurting your pride and feelings, hence the "other things on her mind ": I am not saying she is telling you lies, I am sure there ARE work trips and a hospitalized brother, but, being human nature what it is ,do you think these things would prevent a person from trying to " seal the deal ", so to speak, if the person was really interested and attracted ?... Heck no ( unless the brother was agonizing, of course ).
Nobody stops you from asking her " where do you stand ", if you wish to do it, but IMHO she TOLD you already where do you stand, i.e. not in the position of a future bf ; you just did not get the hint.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 October 2015):
 Hi,
as a woman myself, i want to spare you any further worry, stress, anxiety, or anything else that you may be feeling.
You should go straight to the source and ask her in a polite manner, where does she see the connection that the two of you, have so far built going.
Be completely upfront and honest with her, as you've been with us readers and let her know that you really like her and see potential, relationship wise, for you both, however, it takes two to tango and you really want to know how she feels about your connection too.
Let her know also, that you're pretty old fashioned, you respect women, hence not wanting to rush into anything and let her know that you don't want to waste time, investing in the wrong reltionship, so it's best you know where you stand now, rather than later.
What you will be doing, is simply the flip side of what any normal, intelligent and level headed woman would do, if she felt as you do.
Don't come on too strong, don't say anything that may freak her out, or scare her away, but make it simple and be mindful and respectful of her feelings too and always remain courteous.
By the way, not all girls like the 'bad boy', or 'bad boy' stereotype.
I am female and i love a gentleman.
Most of my gfs love somebody who doesn't throw themselves at women, demanding quick physical contact.
When two people take their time, they get to see the 'real' other and they get to know each other on a much deeper level, hence enhancing anything, that is possibly yet to come.
I could easily add many other things, factors, tips, etc;, however, if you feel comfortable about it, please try what i've suggested first and see what the outcome is.
I wish you all the best and please get back to me and let me know how you get on. :-)
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