A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiOkay so I've been friends with this guy for a while, we don't see each other often but have a catch up now and again. I think he's nice looking and have liked him for some time, I wasn't too sure of his feelings about me and neither of us ever made a move on the other so I just assumed we're just friends and left it at that.Last night though he invited me round to his for a drink. I went and after two hours I said I'd better go as it was getting late and I was tired but he said I could stay and leave in the morning. I accepted his offer and you can probably guess what happened next. We ended up having sex. It was amazing.I left this morning, he kissed me on the way out and I messaged him in the afternoon to say I'd enjoyed our night together. He said he enjoyed it too. I didn't want to make boring small talk with him so I didn't reply. I really want to ask him what his intentions are, whether he wants to see me again or if I was just another notch on his bedpost. I like him a lot but don't want to come across too clingy in case I push him away...do I leave it a few days before I contact him again or do I just accept that maybe it was just a one night stand?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 Notch in the bedpost ? Yes and not.
Yes, there's quite a possibility that he only wanted an one night stand, or at best an occasional, sexual relationship only. Since before he had not said or done anything to indicate that he was thinking of a relationship with you.
Then again, by the same token one could say HE was a notch on your bedpost. He felt attraction, he acted on it and wanted to have sex with you. You- likewise :). You had sex, it was fun, it was great , in fact. So why would you feel that you have been used, as opposed to being a willing and enthusiastic partecipant in a sexual encounter ?..
Well, I know why , I think. Expectations. You have expectations built on some mental code of yours which says : People should only have sex if they have feelings for each other , or People should only have sex if they want to build a relationship from there .
I am not saying that's a wrong code, or a silly code or anything. Just that probably this guy's code ( and a lot of other people's code ) is different. His code probably says : what you see is what you get; in lack of any specific mention of committment, closeness, etc- what I am offering is casual sex. If you expect more , that's your problem.
As harsh as it sounds, I tend to agree. It's " buyers beware ". If you only feel you are sexually comfortable within a committed, or at least ongoing relationship, then it would be safer and wiser if you waited to have sex until you KNOW that you are in such relationship.
If you decide to try your luck, to gamble, so to speak, that's perfectly fine too, but you have to be a good sport. You have to accept that a hook up , to which you freely consented, may or may not turn into something more , and forego the temptation to act and feel victimized.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): I know a couple who started as just friends and got drunk, hooked up at a party 4 years ago and are still together now. It is rare but it does happen. I would ask yourself what you want out of this situation. Do you want to move on and forget about it, have fun with it whilst option of fooling around available or turn into a relationship? I think it is possible that this might just be a slip up you can work past but it could also be a case of actual interest in you as a potential romantic partner. Ultimately do what makes you feel happy.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (18 November 2015):
Yes, go ahead and write this one off as a paid experience regarding the drawbacks of casual sex.If you told me in a month that you are seriously seeing this guy, I'd think he was with you out of desperation. This hook-up basically cost the guy a drink and that's probably the value he places on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): You've had sex. Now it's wait and see. He didn't show a lot of interest to begin with...then one thing led to another.
How will it make any difference after sex? He never romanced you, treated you like a friend; but one thing for sure, he always knew "you" had a thing for "him." So he took advantage of that.
Don't wonder if you're a notch. You didn't have to stay the night; and you didn't have to have sex if you didn't want to. It was consensual. The regret comes afterward; because he isn't acting like he's in-love.
Write it off as casual-sex, and don't let him touch you again; unless he asks to take you out dates, and romances you like he should have before you had sex.
Men don't necessarily attach feelings to sex like women do.
You should know how a guy feels about you "before" you have sex. Then you won't feel morning-after remorse when he doesn't seem too interested after the sex.
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