A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I often let people run over me and talk to me any kind of way. Especially ones that are not my family. It's like my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. It's like my mind runs scared. But I get disrespected to the point to where I want to cry, once I think about it later. '''In my mind I run scared because I don't want no one mad at me or feeling awkward around them. I tell myself to stand up for my self but when the time comes that I must. I run scared to avoid a probably and letter it hits me and make me so angry and I start wishing I would've stood up for myself. When it comes to my family. I can stick up for myself fine but friends, managers, and co workers. I run scared to avoid a problem but it's now to the point where I'm feeling complete disrespect and I must do something because I feel weak. How can I come more assertive when my mind runs scared when I need too?
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female
reader, cynthia does wonder +, writes (26 September 2015):
I was very shy and soft spoken for a while... but I started to be slightly assertive by making good points and suggestions. I didnt want to be angry or mean. I just wanted to stick up for myself fairly. You need to choose your words carefully and dont be afraid to make your thoughts known... especially if you feel you are being disrespected. You most certainly will get better at it as you do that more.. best of luck
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 Actuallu, there are assertivity training classes. Commminicating in a way that's firm, ,clear and powerful without involving conflict, emotional meltdowns or fistfights: ) is a skill and like any other skill some people needs to none it a bit or to learn ot from scratch.
Just google it. I have seen that there are plenty of on-line classes if you can't find a psychologist who teaches one in your area, and, as for that, I have even seen advertisement for FREE on line seminars and courses. I have no idea if they are any good -then again, it may be worth a try.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2015):
 Start small. And don't expect yourself to change overnight. Learn to say no and mean it. Learn to say, that is pretty rude, I think I'm done talking to you. (if a person is rude to you).
Witty comebacks are nice to toss at people, but if you have a tendency to freeze up it's easier to stick with a "no" or "I'm done talking with you".
Can you give an example of one of the times this happened? Is it in work situations? social situations?
Being assertive means you can set boundaries for people around you. You have to believe that YOU too can do this.
Can you be assertive around family? Or do you let family "get away" with walking all over you too, just because they are family?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2015): My suggestion , imagine ur friends or co-workers are your family when you are with them, tell yourself they are family when your with them eventually you hopefully should feel more confident to say no to things and stick up for yourself after a couple of times of sticking up for yourself people will see your not such an easy target like you once were. Maybe write down what people have said to you and how you handled it (cross it out because ur telling yourself its not the right answer) and then write another way of handling the situation , what you would really like to say. so next time your in that position think bk to what you wrote and really want to say
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (24 September 2015):
 You can take self-assertiveness classes - there might be self help information online too.
Are you worthless? Or, are you somebody who deserves respect. If so memorise a few comeback lines so that if you need a quick retort you don't have to think one up on the spot.
It depends who it is and how badly you want to burn them.
Your retorts can go from the mildly sarcastic, "Did you think that one up all by yourself?" to "Please arrange this well known phrase or saying,'Go yourself fck'".
Whatever you choose, remember to smile. Then you can say, "What's the matter, you can dish it out but you can't take it?"
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