A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles, I need some help here regarding a female Friend who has been asking my Boyfriend out. My Boyfriend and I discuss about boundaries with opposite gender friends and we both agree hanging out one on one with the opposite gender is a no go (this is just what we prefer and agree on but I know it's different for other couples). He used to have a colleague (colleagues for five years) whom he was friends with and now they no longer work with each other. Prior to that they saw each other a few times a week due to work and sometimes they went out for beers after work. Since they stopped working together seven months back, she has asked him out at least ten times and I think the frequency is increasing. Once she called him out of the blue to talk about her relationship problems. On another occasion, she asked my boyfriend's roommate if my Boyfriend was really as busy as he claims. My Boyfriend has been telling her he is busy and has no time but she doesn't get the hint that he doesn't want to hang out anymore. She just asked last week, but he ignored her. He was starting to get annoyed with her too. The next day she texted again to ask him out and if she had done anything wrong. Is it odd that when a Friend has rejected you so many times to hang out, you still continue asking them out? Anyway from where I am from, it is odd for someone who is attached to me hanging out one on one (even more so for activities like drinking and going to pubs) with the opposite gender. He has told me though, from where he is from, it is very normal for attached partners to hangout alone with opposite gender friends, and maybe even stay over at each other's places. But he doesn't do it himself and finds it odd as well.Anyway, both he and I are annoyed with this girl. I told him if it's in a group with her, I'd feel more comfortable. But they don't have many mutual friends in common so he doesn't see himself keeping in touch with her or staying Friends with her. How does one nicely tell a opposite gender Friend you don't want to hang out anymore? Or is there no way to do so? P.S. we are an interracial couple in a one year ldr relationship and we plan to move in together next year. He is from Europe. I am from Asia.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 OP, I just answered your previous and identical question a few hours ago. I imagine that , if you reposted the question right after, unluckily you have found the answers you've got, including mine, ineffective or unhelpful, and you want to hear something different.
Which is perfectly fine, of course. No Aunt can come up with the right solution to every dilemma . But, at this point, ... I am just curious, I guess. Curious to know why you feel he could not / should not just come clean and tell her the truth. Your bf has been acting quite passive aggressive so far ; perhaps other women might have gotten the hint by now , that their invitations are not welcome ,- but by no means ALL women would, so basically your bf ( and you ) are getting annoyed with this woman... because she is not a mind reader ? Not fair.
Your bf is an adult, and as such, he should be able to OWN his opinions. If he believes that going out alone with a female friend is wrong, then he should have no problem in stating clearly what he believes. He would be simply acting upon his moral principles, which I don't think it would give offence to anybody. And if it does... it's the offended person's problem.
Example : suppose that you kept inviting me out for a nice steak dinner , and I were, instead, a vegetarian. If I told you :" No thanks, I am a vegetarian and my policy is to never eat meat", would you be offended ?.. It's nothing personal, it's just an individual life rule that clearly was not been embraced just to spite you . If then you decided to take it as a personal insult- that would be your choice, not my fault at all.
I guess what I am a bit baffled by, is : why you and your bf are looking for other ways to deal with this issue other than the civil and truthful one. And also,even IF this woman should CHOOSE to get her feelings hurt about it- why would that be such a problem ?; considering that your bf has no intention to carry on the friendship or having anything to do with her anyway.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (19 November 2015):
Your boyfriend needs to just suck it up and tell her about your agreement. She is wondering why her good friend is suddenly shunning her, and she's got a right to know. I would certainly wonder what the hell I did wrong if one of my dear friends suddenly started ignoring me. He's being kind of a coward about it IMO.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 Hon, this is your bf's problem. He needs to block his person from all social media, and block her on his mobile.
If she is indeed chasing after him after all he has done to block her, then maybe she is stalking him? Possibly then a matter for the police or even a letter from a Lawyer asking her to stop harassing him?
And for what is worth, it makes no difference as to whether you are an interracial couple - not sure why you included that in your post!
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