A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i made a fake profile to test if i can trust my boyfriend, i added and chat with him and ask if he had a girlfriend and he says yes, but the next day i ask him to meet up at a private place and he agrees. after i confronted him he said he's sorry and its because the girl (the trap) forcing to meet and that's kinda true. what to do ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2015):
 I agree with Denizen
You set your bar too low. Do you think that because you tricked him once with this trap that he won't cheat on you ever again? Or that he will just be much smarter about it?
Your BF is "forgiving" you for setting the trap because that way.. he can weasel out of the fact that he was going to met up with another girl behind your back.
By staying with you he HAS a GF who PUTS up with his behavior. You staying with him, you are basically saying I know what you did, I know you will do it again, but I'm OK with that.
Games don't belong in relationships.
You say you have seen a lot worse relationship.. IS that what you want for yourself?
Want more for yourself and from your partner. Don't settle.
And when I said setting a trap is low I meant it, but HIS actions... meeting up with a girl behind your back after having talked to "her" for barely 2 days? THAT is even lower. He WAS willing to met up with another girl behind your back, and he will do it again.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 You set the bar so very low. You seem to think that a world in which partners routinely cheat or are 'bad' to each other is normal. This generally isn't so in northern Europe. I suspect it is also frowned on in USA.
I asked before and I put the question again: 'What did you foresee happening if you caught him cheating?'
He walked into the trap, and guess what? Now he is forgiving you for catching him.
I see a future in which you look after the home and the children, while he goes off playing around. You are a mug if you settle for that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): He doesn't want to break up because he has you and he can also meet up with girls on the side because you are so naive about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): thank you for all the answers and i know what i did is not right but he still sorry and still wants to be with me, some of your answers shows that you would never be with me again if you were my bf or he's bored or wants someone else, but why he dont want to break up? he knows that i set the trap.
and i already seen a lot worse relationship and they're still together, and a lot of single man is doing bad things. and by i mean bad is really bad and worse is the worst thing that could happen in relationship, i mean already cheat or having sex but they're still together the others that is not doing really bad things like that are only kids relationship in high school. is it my environment only or what?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (25 September 2015):
 What you did is very wrong on a very big level. The legal term for this is "entrapment" and that is when you set up a deliberate bait in order to criminalize someone who otherwise would not have done that had you no set up a trap. Those who entrap create an artificial environment that otherwise would not have existed in order to bring out evil in someone. This entrapment is so prevalent a story in the Bible, from Book of Job to what happened to Christ... and that sort of tells you on which side of this your actions stand as well as how dramatically bad it is what you have done.
In fact, not only have you entrapped your man, but you, yourself also technically cheated by creating an artificial (fake) account in order to tempt while pretending to be sincere. That makes you as complicit in cheating as much as you accuse him of being a cheater.
The fact that he apologized to you for the deeds artificially created by you makes him a rather meek person or perhaps one unaware of the entrapment. Personally, I would run away from you because in my book you have shattered any assurances that your aims in this relationship are for the good. Entrapment means that you aim to attach guilt onto someone who otherwise would not have had it had you not been around.
But that is me, and in this relationship, it is all about your guy so I don't know what he will do about this. But as far as what you should do, I think that you should own up to the gravity of what you did and get yourself another BF whom you may want to show love rather than temptations to entrap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Well honeypie, he know that i set it up and he is not find me low at all, not mad at all. He understand that what he did is wrong and he still trust me
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2015):
I agree with Cindy and SVC
He did fail BIG time. He had already told "the fake you" that he had a GF, so he could EASILY have told "the fake you": "look I'm with someone, I can't meet up with you."
And it wasn't like he wrestled with his conscience on this, HE was ready to met up with another girl the DAY after the first chat.
If I were you I'd dump him. I will presume that you had your doubts about him and thus the "trap", and well, he walked right into it proving you're right. You can't trust him, HE can't trust you.
However, and this is a "waggle my finger at you". I find what you did really low. Setting someone up like that is just not right. Someone did that to me? I'd never talk to them again, whether I failed or passed the test. YOU do not set up a partner. IF you have doubts then you pull back a bit and watch him or you end it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): You are 22? or 25? how old is your boyfriend?I don't know what is the correct thing is. But I can give you maths.It might take you 1 year to forget this guy... give or take a few months...The quicker you start to look the easier it will be for you 1) To forget about what happened2) Form a new bond with someone3) Not get stuck with feelings of guilt/hurt/anger/blame etcOn the other hand you have your bf... I'm assuming your relationship hasn't been for a long time.... Even if it has1) He is already bored. 2) He is holding on because he hasn't found someone to distract himself with possibly as shown by his behaviour3) He will cheat even if you stay togetherYou can 1) Leave him.2) Stay with him and hope he doesn't cheat and/or changes.3) Stay with him in an open relationship.4) Don't tell him anything, stay with him till you find someone better as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Well we've been dating for more than 3 years and i know he's going to propose soon. He used to play with bad girls, just texted them and not meeting them. (2years ago) show their friends how "slutty" this girls. And i kinda feel wrong about that. So before he's going to propose i want to check if i really can trust him and he failed. And what i'm so confused about is that i see a lot and lots of couple, (engagement, married, in a relationship) right now do a lot worse.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 No it is not kinda true. At all.
He was not " forced " ar gun point. I suppose that you mean that the trap was very persistent or very convincing in her approach . That just means that he was tempted and he is very weak in front of temptations, he is not able to say " no ". This in turn means that you could only trust him- as long as he is never tempted . But what meaning can "being fairhful " have , when you are only being faithful for lack of opportunities ?!
Then again, it's not routine to set up traps and tests for your partner just for the heck of it- so if you did , it must have been because his behaviour or your instincts were already telling you that there were bad news for you just waiting to be known. Bad news which have been punctually confirmed.
So, I think you already " what to do ". Because if it's trust that you want in your relationship, rhen you are with the wrong person.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 September 2015):
 NO it's NOT kinda true.
Why did you even feel the need to TEST him? clearly something about the relationship is not good.
YOU tested
He failed
both of you are wrong...
and no one held a gun to his head to "force him" to meet this new girl.
what to do?
end the relationship now...rather than later.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (25 September 2015):
 hmm how was he forced??? im afraid you wont be able to trust him anymore. im sorry
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 September 2015):
What did you imagine you would do if you caught him out? You wanted to know, and now you do. I imagine you already had your suspicions which is why you tested him.
No-one makes a person be unfaithful. It is already in their head before it happens.
You have a decision to make and 'Dear Cupid' cannot make it for you. Personally I think it is going to be difficult to ever rebuild the trust that has been broken.
Sorry, but you picked a wrong'un this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Rule No 1: Don't try & trick your boyfriend. If you don't trust him you shouldn't be with him in the first place!
It sounds like neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship - so I would both go your separate ways until you are more mature!
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