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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My boyfriend is punishing me for his ex girlfriend's behaviour
Q. I've had this boyfriend for about 8 months, in general we have a very steady relationship, but he has trust issues. His ex girl friend hurt him and i feel as if he punishes me for it sometimes, i told him that i made plans with two of my good ...
A. 18 May 2016: Look, I don't know if this is valid advice, because normally the classic, and sensible advice when a couple has communication issues , and about minor, mundane stuff, is to tell them to sit the partner down and talk it out, in a calm, non ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 17 May 2016: OP, really ! Do you even read anything of what we write ?, do you ever trust that ,who knows, any of us may have the wisdom and life experience to be telling something sensible ?
Again : you don't need a precise match , sexually speaking. It's... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: Sorry, I beg to differ . The other ladies are reporting occurrences that are like oranges and apples to the OP's case. The anon lady was , basically, assaulted, she never saw it coming. And Chigirl could never possibly have imagined that her ... (read in full...)
Help ! I need help to learn how to let go of all this hate I feel for this woman who so belittled me and hurt me so much.
Q. Hi everyone. I posted on here September 2014 time- about my cheating boyfriend of 5 years. Well I decided to give things another chance and it's the best decision I ever made. Whilst I don't mean this literally, him cheating was one ...
A. 16 May 2016: I was wondering the same as Anonymous 123 : how come it is harder for you to forgive a stranger that owed you no loyalty and never said she loved you, than your Bf who DID.
Ok, so this woman is a crazy nasty b...h with no class and no mora... (read in full...)
Is my Bf trying too hard? And is my reaction to my Bf's courtesy unreasonable?
Q. I think there is something wrong with me. my boyfriends ways get on my nerves. the way he has to go out of his way to hold the door open for very one. they don't even have to be close by, they dont even thank him. still he will stand there and ...
A. 16 May 2016: So, let me understand , you are complaining because your boyfriend is a gentleman with deeply engrained good manners and a natural inclination to be kind, compassionate and attentive ? ....
What can I say : I wish there were MORE people with... (read in full...)
Why am I selfish because I want romance but no sex?
Q. I think I am asexual. Now I had sex before and I didn't like it. But that's the problem, I hear "you did it before so you must've liked it" and "you just weren't w the right person" no. I just really hate sex and oral. But I like dating and romance. ...
A. 16 May 2016: Let's start by saying that romance, tenderness and affection do not necessarily disappear as soon as you start dating, or even later on, as for that. Why , my friend's parents are in their 80s and they still walk everywhere hand in hand and call ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: Sorry, but IMO , yes !
He is a guy who , as you say yourself, is not a close friend of yours, or even a social acquaintance, I mean, it's not even like he is one of the regulars at the bar or coffee shop you both patronize. Basically you are... (read in full...)
How do I turn down men who want my number?
Q. This happens all the time. I talk to a man on the bus, in class or in a checkout line or wherever and they want my number. So then I have to awkwardly turn him down bc I have a boyfriend or if I don't, I have to make one up. Even more awkward is ...
A. 15 May 2016: But if you are not tryng to make friends, why do go chat up strangers to talk to them ONCE ? what's the point ?
What difference does it make in the greater scheme of things if you shoot the breeze or not with a perfect stranger whom you'll neve... (read in full...)
Who do I choose? My best friend or my crush?
Q. there is a boy in my class and i really and i really like him but i know my friend does too. i know if i try telling him i love him then my friend will get mad at me and fall out with me. who do i choose my best freind or the boy i love...
A. 15 May 2016: You don't " love " him, yet- you don't even know him ! You just fancy him, and you have no idea if he might like you back. Plus, he might like you back.. and tehn not like you anymore after a couple of months as it so often happens with boys ( ... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong for being jealous of his best female friend?
Q. I have been with this guy for a little over 1 year. We literally fight every day over the same shit. He has a friend thats a girl that he calls sis that he supposedly has known for 20 years, and she has tried to break him and I up and so I told him ...
A. 14 May 2016: " Can I still get your ass " is not the kind of message of a brother to his sister, or of a man to his best platonic friend. He's just making a fool of you. ... (read in full...)
Why am I selfish because I want romance but no sex?
Q. I think I am asexual. Now I had sex before and I didn't like it. But that's the problem, I hear "you did it before so you must've liked it" and "you just weren't w the right person" no. I just really hate sex and oral. But I like dating and romance. ...
A. 14 May 2016: It's not wrong per se, but it is not mainstream.
What you are seeing is simply the law of supply and demand in act.
Most people want both, sex AND romance.
Some people want sex without romance.
Few people want only romance, no sex.
If you... (read in full...)
Do I try to cancel out the weekend with a friend or ask my boyfriend for money?
Q. Hello, I have this friend I met about a year and a half ago. We're not very close, but we do talk and she invited me to her bachelorette party. The plan was to rent a house for the weekend along the beach and have a girl's weekend. I figur...
A. 13 May 2016: Perhaps you'll be butthurt too if you happen to organize some event or vacation for June and people cancel on you mid-May. Not that it is all your fault, s..t happens, people get sacked ,etc., but you can't expect that the party girl is ... (read in full...)
He can't break her hold
Q. Why can't a married man give up his long term mistress? Even when he has tried more than once to stop the affair due to guilt and fear of being caught? Why can he NOT let her go? Despite so many attempts? His mistress has told him she does n...
A. 12 May 2016: I did not mean that all men are serial cheaters ! Some did not ever cheat in their whole life and never would !
And I confirm my opinion that those who do cheat very often keep their affairs going on , out of sheer habit , convenience and ... (read in full...)
Can I get over my insecurity and jealousy in this situation? My Gf had sex with someone else shortly before we started dating.
Q. So this is my story, I don't know if I overreact or not. I chatted up this girl in late November last year through a dating app. We talked a bit but there was nothing going on, she said she was busy, working on a project day and night and had to...
A. 12 May 2016: I don't understand why you would be jealous of this specific guy, though.
If you are one who's jealous of the past ,so be it - but then why you are not also jealous of the guy before him, and the one before that etc.etc. ? I mean, when you ... (read in full...)
What age is too old to have a baby? 40? 41? 42? Or beyond?
Q. Is 40 (me) and 43 (my husband) too old to have a baby? We both have kids from previous relationships but I would really love for us to have a child together. He has hinted that he thinks we're too old. I don't. We have talked briefly about it at the ...
A. 12 May 2016: From the country of older moms :)- of course it is technically possible to have a child in your 40s ,- my mom was born when her mother was 43 and sure way back then they had no IVF or FIVET or whatnot to give nature a little push. And with or ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?
Q. Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...
A. 12 May 2016: I don't know and don't think that it is necessary to " play games " or " play hard to get " to get attention from someone ( who HAS an interest in you, of course ).
But I am sure that attention flows more freely, warmly and spontaneously when... (read in full...)
What’s the best response to a break up message?
Q. If you are in a long term, committed relationship with a man, and he decides to break up with you [either because he's found someone else, or has just tired of you, or whatever his reason], in your experience, what is the best way for the woman to ...
A. 12 May 2016: I think that if he decided to leave you , and particularly if he has found another woman, or he is just sick and tired of you, he won't particularly care either way. His focus will be on how to get you out of his life as expediently as possible, ... (read in full...)
He can't break her hold
Q. Why can't a married man give up his long term mistress? Even when he has tried more than once to stop the affair due to guilt and fear of being caught? Why can he NOT let her go? Despite so many attempts? His mistress has told him she does n...
A. 12 May 2016: Although I agree that, if the OP knows she is being regularly cheated on , and her husband is not repentant, not making an effort to repair their marriage and regain her trust, but is instead hell bent on having his cake and keeping it too, the ... (read in full...)
Does every relationship become boring like this?
Q. Does every relationship get so boring that there is no excitement anymore and it feels like you are just friends? When I was first with my boyfriend I wouldn't say I was infatuated or obsessed but I liked him a lot. That lasted for about a year but...
A. 12 May 2016: No. Certainly not. Not every romantic relationship becomes boring or brotherly , and definitely not after only one year !
Although I must say that relationships where , after 20 years together, you still can't keep your hands off each other, or y... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?
Q. Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...
A. 11 May 2016: I am not sure I got the timing right. If you texted him around 11 .... don't tell me that you texted him a few minutes before 11 and when he did not answer instantly you proceed to spy on him right away !?
That's extreme. Very OTT.
You haven't ... (read in full...)
I should go at all?
Q. So I really liked this guy, who at first liked me too, but who now has feelings for my best friend instead. My best friend isn't into him in that way because she has someone she already really likes but on my end it still kind of hurts and is weird...
A. 11 May 2016: Fourth Aunt . Don't go.
Much ado about nothing. You don't really want to go, she does not really want to go- then don't go. The only one who is interested in this outing is the boy and he may be disappointed, but,hey, he'll get over it. ... (read in full...)
Is my nudity, inside my own home, in front of my 44 year old stepdaughter, OK or not?
Q. My wife and I are in our late 60's - just average people except that we like to be nude at home when it is warm enough. Now my 44 year old step daughter is living with us and strongly objects to me being naked even though it is my house. Her mo...
A. 11 May 2016: As for that , I am sure that you will agree that God has also made your digestive and excretive system ( and what a brilliant masterpiece of chemistry and physics it is ! ) :
But , when you are in your own home, do you go in your own living room... (read in full...)
Is there a grain of truth in the feedback she gave me?
Q. The other day a couple of my close female friends were telling me about how girls have different opinions of people than they show in person. I was curious and asked what they thought about me in the thoughts they keep to themselves. After p...
A. 10 May 2016: OP ! I am pretty sure that many Aunts and Uncles had told you already, more or less, what your friends just told you. Several times, and also recently. The wording might have been different but the gist was the same. And you always sort of went ... (read in full...)
Not sure if this is a crush?
Q. Hi, so I've recently become sort of friends with this guy in one of my college classes. We make each other laugh and he's just a great guy to talk to and be around. I'm having feelings and I don't know what kind of feelings they are. Either I...
A. 10 May 2016: To me it sounds like a crush allright... not full blown yet but on its way there... like when you don't have a cold yet but you can feel it coming on...anyway, I concur with the other Aunts, why do you need to label " it " ? Just relax, and enjoy ... (read in full...)
How will I handle these delicate decisions about inviting and seating guests at our wedding?
Q. I just got engaged yesterday. We had talked about it for a while before hand so I knew it was going to happen... I just didn't know when! Anyhow my fiance and I had just booked a months holiday to California so we were going to secretly elope in ...
A. 10 May 2016: Technically immediate family means your mom and your dad. In your place I 'd just invite them , without partners. Also because if it is supposed to be an elopement, -you should try to keep the number of attending people down to the barest ... (read in full...)
I miss him when I can’t see him and I like being around him, but do you think this might be too toxic?
Q. I'm very much into this guy i've known for several months he is sober and in a 12 step program as I am and I guess that for me is me a bit of comfort. Having a similar background not having to explain myself to him I know he likes me but he also ...
A. 10 May 2016: I thought that people in 12 steps program were supposed to stay totally away from relationships at least for all the first year of their recovery ? Isn't " no relationships during the first year of sobriety " a big important rule ? ... (read in full...)
Are all European women this agressive? How about men?
Q. My wife and I move around a lot because of my work. We have been together for 18 years (married for 15). We both wear rings. And please understand that I am not writing this to brag, I have never been chased by ladies, I would really appreciate some ...
A. 10 May 2016: It's hard to answer you . Europe is extremely diversified in everything , from food to politics to drinking habits etc.etc.
A 3 hour car trip may plunge you into a different world even within the same country, so go figure.
Widely generali... (read in full...)
Would our guests from Scandinavia be horrified to see ants in our home?
Q. We live in the USA and are not really into using poisons. Thus we have a fair number of ants in our house. Mainly the tiny little ones that don't bite or anything LOL Anyway, we have some houseguests coming to visit from Europe (Scandinavia). D...
A. 10 May 2016: And are you also against using cayenna or black pepper... cinnamon ... vinegar... lemon juice...baby powder...crushed mint ...tea treee oil ...and another dozen or so of effective, natural anti-ants remedies that anybody can find having a look ... (read in full...)
Am I missing the point, or is he being over dramatic?
Q. Im not sure what I am asking, but I guess Im wondering if this is acceptable behaviour or not. When I asked my boyfriend today if he could do me a favour, he replied not right now. I said it needed to be done right away, and he just said he cou...
A. 9 May 2016: Ah but then it's different- the dog's pee is just the tip of the iceberg. The real problem is not that he does not take enough care of the dog, it's that he does not take enough care of your relationship. He is not putting his energy into it, in ... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?
Q. Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...
A. 9 May 2016: I just read your last update OP, and ... in case your BF is planning a career as a lawyer, tell him not to, he would not convince anybody, his argumentations make no sense .
Why should he have as his main goal to make a sarcastic ( in fact, offe... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?
Q. Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...
A. 9 May 2016: Ok, so he was not drunk, point taken.
Therefore, yes, he did not care if he was rude and juvenile.
As long as he could show to fast drinking Allie that he finds her attractive.
And ?... Is that OK with you ? Are you fine with dating a guy... (read in full...)
Should I choose a University in London to give our relationship a chance?
Q. I really love this guy, we haven't gotten into a serious long term relationship yet but he continues to tell me he loves me and wants me in his life for a very long time however we have never directly talked about marriage as it is too soon and i ...
A. 9 May 2016: Be smart and put yourself at the center of your life, not a ( for now ) casual relationship.
Just go to the best uni for you, wherever it may happen to be (... and maybe it will be in central London,who knows. What is it , central London is G... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?
Q. Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...
A. 9 May 2016: Maybe it was a whole lot of beers too many.
Otherwise, if " this is who he is ", well, then he is an oaf.
I can't believe it !, who in his right mind would say to a perfect stranger ( not that it's much better if you say it to a friend , but at... (read in full...)
Should I consider this relationship as a possible LDR? How would I raise this with him?
Q. I met a great guy on an online dating site last summer. We only went out once, but I liked him. He's everything I'm looking for in a guy - Tall, Smart (med student), Asian, caring, compassionate, etc... The only problem is...he goes to school in...
A. 9 May 2016: Honestly I would not bother if I were you. LDRs are hard enough to carry on when both people are delirious with enthusiasm, when either one's enthusiasm is lukewarm, it's a still birth.
I am sorry but it does not sound like this guy has enou... (read in full...)
My fiance gave me the engagement ring his former fiance wore!
Q. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat here- which I assure you I'm not, I'd like some opinions. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. If I'm honest I wasn't keen on the ring- it was pretty but too ...
A. 9 May 2016: Eh, I am afraid I have to join the general consensus. Recycling engagements rings just it is not done in civil society ( unless they are old and precious family heirlooms ) , and this hints at your fiance' being either a cheapskate or a ... (read in full...)
When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?
Q. This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...
A. 9 May 2016: @ Tisha -1 : and you please forgive my tardiness in thanking you for joining my little survey, it was much appreciated. I am sorry if I caused you a writer's block :),... I must say you make it sound as if I were some minor Dorothy Parker , ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend invited me to his graduation. Should I attend?
Q. Hi aunts!! My ex boyfriend just called to ask if I would be willing to attend his undergrad graduation in June 11th. He and I dated for 6 months and broke up twice both times because my best friend let me know he was cheating on me, though neith...
A. 7 May 2016: No, you should not attend.
I don't even know why he is laying it on so thick with the " part you had in his life " - unless nobody else will be attending his graduation !, and / or he sort of wants to keep you on the back burner just in case... (read in full...)
Hookups where the women only get oral?
Q. Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...
A. 5 May 2016: Oh Lord-love-a-duck !, as the Brits would say .
You are not being naive here, OP, you are just being , pardon me, thick-skulled :
it would not be having vaginal sex ( or not having vaginal sex ) per se, or having / not having oral sex which wo... (read in full...)
One boyfriend too many. What should I be considering?
Q. I have this problem. I already had two boyfriends but I realized I really don't want one. I thought we would keep flirting like we always did and go on dates but my parents made that impossible and we had to sneak around. Which meant they promised...
A. 4 May 2016: While the idea of group dates is excellent , as suggested by the other posters , is sound and excellent and solves many problems, I am not sure it solves this OP's problem.
I think she has written before about that ( mentioning an older age ... (read in full...)
Should I say anything to my sister? I don't want to appear judgemental
Q. I have an older sister who I feel is making bad decisions but I don't know if it's my place to say anything. Growing up I admired her drive and work ethic but since she got with her child's father she has changed. They are no longer together...
A. 4 May 2016: Although I am not particularly fond of people who make a career out of depending from government's assistence, it needs to be told , though, that generally governments do not assist you if you are young, strong, fit as a fiddle, issue free and with ... (read in full...)
After our marathon 8 hour fight, what can I say to my LD guy?
Q. Before knowing my current boyfriend (lets call him S) I went to a party and kissed a guy who was way older than me, I was 16 he was 20. It was nothing else apart from a kiss, caused by being tipsy and 'lovin the single life' so yeah.. In my opinion, ...
A. 4 May 2016: You can say to him " Bye bye, have a good life "
OP , when he called you an average slut, that was your clue to exit the scene left. He is very quick to resort to verbal abuse , and make drama over small stuff- imagine what would happen if you ... (read in full...)
Hookups where the women only get oral?
Q. Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...
A. 4 May 2016: OP, I hope that the last sentence of your submittal was written in jest, because if you mean it literally, you ARE playing with fire, you are opening yourself wide up to be raped or beaten up.
You would not be fooling with the boy next door or y... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 3 May 2016: You'll be fine, OP, mark my words. You need, as you know, to keep working on your confidence and self esteem and then just ... dive trustfully into the sea of sex. Honestly, that's all. You are willing to learn and eager to please- that's the ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: OP, I know that all this preys on your mind a lot so I would not want you to think that I am making fun of you, but tbh something you say is quite funny and made me ( godnaturedly, I promise ) smile :
Ah so you would be Ok if she had had lots of s... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: I know I just told you myself that if you wanted a girl with your same low level of sexual experience *for the right reasons * that would be fine.. but then I had a thought that I want to share. A doubt, actually.
I don't have an answer to this... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: It would be fine if you were doing it for the right reason. Like, you want a woman who is not too impulsive and can exercise self restraint , or you want a woman who takes sex as seriously as you do and thinks of it not as a recreational activity ... (read in full...)
When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?
Q. This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...
A. 1 May 2016: Thank you, it was a super entertaining reading, just as I had expected. Each of you gave me interesting info , food for thought, or just something to chuckle over, so ... you get an individual mini-essay too :
@Aunty BimBim. Surprising ! Mayb... (read in full...)
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