A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:If you are in a long term, committed relationship with a man, and he decides to break up with you [either because he's found someone else, or has just tired of you, or whatever his reason], in your experience, what is the best way for the woman to receive the news? From the stories men have told me, there are two ways their exes have taken the news: Either she explodes, cries, is angry or dramatic ... or she quietly listens, then walks away and disappears from his life.Which response leaves the deepest impression on a man when he breaks up with his girl?Thank you in advance for all responses!
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 I think that the best way to leave is to accept the news by listening to what is being said and then wish them a good life along with every happiness then walk away and be gone from their lives forever. I see no point in throwing a bitch fit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): The best way to take a break up message is to agree with that person and say yes it's probably for the best I agree with you. Even though really you may be upset they will wonder why you are not bothered!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 I think that if he decided to leave you , and particularly if he has found another woman, or he is just sick and tired of you, he won't particularly care either way. His focus will be on how to get you out of his life as expediently as possible, and not on your emotional response and reactions. If he cared about these things... he would not be leaving you.
Of course if you go berserk and throw a fit, that's more likely to leave an impression, .. but a negative one. He can pat himself on his back, thinking: " Wow ! Crazy drama-queen. I really did the right thing in getting rid of her ".
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 A screaming banshee response just gives them just cause to believe that you are one crazy bitch that deserved leaving. A dignified response of disappointment yet still manage well wished release far better., especially if being left for another woman. Far more empowering to have them leave with a little bruised ego that they were not worth fighting for. You can go berserk behind closed doors.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Calm and collected. Keep your dignity.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 May 2016):
 Of course it depends on the reason for the breakup, but if there was no cheating, and it was a breakup, I wouldn't cry, scream, or do anything to compromise my dignity in front of the guy or in a message or phone call or whatever (face to face is really the only way to do it in a non-cowardly manner). If I didn't see it coming and I loved him, I'd probably tell him that it hurts me immeasurably that he didn't want to continue, but I'd wish him well.
If he was cheating on me and broke up with me having seen her for a length of time behind my back first, I'd most likely tell him that he's already blown his relationship with her by showing her how he treats girlfriends, and then tell him goodbye (no well-wishing).
Then with BOTH ways, I'd cut contact, never offer or plead for friendship, and then delete him off of everything. If he talks about staying friends, I'd tell him that keeping contact isn't good for anyone.
I would never do my crying or anger or drama in front of him. I'd do it, mourn the death of the relationship in my own way, call my friends and get their support, and in time, move on with my life.
I don't think I could be quite so sanguine if I caught the guy in my bed cheating or something like that. I already caught an ex-boyfriend cheating with an ex, and I *was* pretty angry. I'll never forget that feeling as long as I live. I thanked his ex for showing me how worthless he was, wished her good luck when it was her turn to be cheated on by him, and stomped off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): I spent nearly half my adult-life in a loving relationship that ended in the death of my partner from cancer. I never had the benefit of learning how to recoup following a sudden breakup or being dumped; so I had to learn as an adult how to deal with the feeling of rejection, the humiliation, and the anger from being discarded after investing your feelings.
I learned it all in one big clip; when I finally decided to come out of a period of dormancy and hiding from romance. I avoided sex and romantic intimacy after my partner's death. You could say I shutdown into the widower's period of celibacy. I met a lot of nice guys; but of course you deal with a lot of promiscuity and meet a lot of players. I was so indifferent, it didn't really matter whether some guy wanted to put me in the friend-zone. What he didn't know, was, as far as I'm concerned, I put him there first. Until I met someone who stirred those feelings again. I took the risk, and it turns out that was the very guy to dump me. The whole experience taught me a lot about myself, and how sheltered I've been. I've always had love around me.
I've learned that when someone decides they no longer want you, you must preserve your dignity. You don't give them power over your feelings; even if you have to put on an act that would put Meryl Streep to shame. You can be emotional, but you've got to let them see they didn't take all your strength with them. You go through grief from loss, but let no man feel he has your life in his hands. He wants to go, let him. I couldn't understand why I was dumped. We had a lot of fun, we never fought, and the sex was great. He just decided to move on. So no matter how much it hurts, you've got to let him. I was in shock. I put on the best face I could. At the same time I was devastated. I came to DC, and shared my feelings in a series of articles. I bared my soul to strangers, and it helped me to heal.
What women have to learn from men after a breakup, is how to suffer in private. You can't always play-out a dramatic emotional scene. It isn't going to stop anyone hellbent on leaving you. If he's found someone else, he has already let go of you; and he had a head-start in getting over you. He may miss you, but not much when he has your replacement already picked out and broken-in.
Learn to accept all the signs when a relationship is coming to an end, and prepare yourself; if he's decent enough to give you fair warning. If he dumps you, you'll only fall apart if you allowed your world to revolve around him.
My mother always told my siblings and me, no matter how much you love someone; save love for yourself. It's necessary to heal, and to let them know there's enough love left after they leave you'll survive. Nobody say's it's easy, but it's no easier clinging to someone who wants to go. What's the point of turning your heart and mind inside out when someone wants to end a relationship? Have enough dignity and self-respect to trust and believe you're the ruler of your heart and soul. You'll find somebody else, if you found him. Your ego may be crushed; because you feel his leaving says you weren't good enough to please him.
Well, he wasn't good enough to stay; and prove your loving him was worth the trouble.
You deal with it like an adult. You go through all your emotions and withdrawal symptoms later; but at the point of breakup, you really have no choice but to accept it. You don't contact him anymore, and if he comes back uninvited; don't take him back to hurt your dumb ass again. You don't want to be friends, you want your relationship back. If he's not coming back on those terms, let go. Find a new friend; don't recycle exes. It's toxic to the soul and the environment.
When it comes to a breakup, nobody suffers like people who can't take no for an answer.
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A
male
reader, Rhinocerous +, writes (11 May 2016):
 "Is that how you really feel? You want to end this relationship?
"Okay, if that's how you feel, then I accept that. I wish that wasn't the case but I hope the best for you."
Leave it at that. Then don't contact him anymore.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (11 May 2016):
 If my longer term partner called it quits, I’d be astounded given his inability for making any wise decisions. It’d be a welcome relief – GO! Can I help you pack? It’s being dramatic yet quiet at the same time.
However the deepest impression on a man is how the Ex and he argued over MONEY and or property! That’s the only deep impression that will stay with him of her, and well into his next relationship.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 In my experience and observation the least response seems to leave biggest impression.
Receiving the news in a calm, matter of fact way, with no debate or explanation is best, in my opinion. All that time spent contemplating breaking up with someone, how and when to do it only to discover, when it's done, that the person you're dumping doesn't seem all that put out by it comes as a shock to some.
'I'm sorry to hear that. Well, best of luck to you. Take care.'
Something like that.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2016):
 I agree with Auntie honesty.
There isn't a "generic" response that will receive the biggest impression.
I think there is a response of each person and situation.
If one person is DONE with a relationship, they have mostly detached themselves emotionally already, unless the break up is in the heat of the moment. So drama, tears, begging etc. might not do squat. And neither will the quiet acceptance.
So it falls to the woman to decide HOW she wants to end it. With her head held high? (quiet acceptance) or with drama? (emotional explosion).
Personally, I think the high road (quiet acceptance) is overall the best for the woman. Whether it is for the man? I don't care. Pretty sure most men expects SOME level of drama, tears or whatnot and thus the quiet attitude is more baffling.
And I think it depends a LOT of the woman's personality. I might be handling a break up quietly, another woman may not. Whatever works for THAT particular woman.
I wouldn't GIVE a fly's fart about making an impression on a guy who had decided to dump me. Who cares?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2016): I'd be really pissed off. Let all my emotions out. IF I really loved him and he left me for another. I would not make it easy on him. And rightly so.
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (11 May 2016):
 Second one. There is no point at a tantrum because it will not change a thing plus. No answer, no response, no contact... Then just move on. At least he can wonder why you haven't reacted to something that he was expecting a reaction to.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 I don't really think that this question can be generalized because all men are different as are woman. In my opinion if the woman walks away and he never hears from her again he may either think that she never really cared anyway, or else he may be thankful that their was no drama and he can carry on with his life without feeling guilty.
Same if the woman explodes, he might feel guilty if he has found someone else, or that he is hurting her. Or else he might just be annoyed that she could not be growing up about the situation if the relationship was not working.
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