A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've had this boyfriend for about 8 months, in general we have a very steady relationship, but he has trust issues. His ex girl friend hurt him and i feel as if he punishes me for it sometimes, i told him that i made plans with two of my good friends (one being a guy who gets along well with my boyfriend) my boyfriend proceded by telling me to fuck myself, when i asked what his problem was he decided to ignore me, all of this was over text and he was with one of his friends, but ive never been given the silent treatment by a boyfriend before and i feel as though he doesn't care for me as much as I thought he did because hes left me upset, i just don't know how to handle the situation and what to say to him if and when he decides to answer, how do i handle the situation?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 This tends to happen a lot these days where people bring into a new relationship what's plaguing them from the past. I agree with the other aunts. You're still very young and shouldn't have to put up with your boyfriends insecurities and harsh words. As soon as you manage to get into contact with him, have THE TALK and let him know that although you do wish him well, you cannot put up with his issues any longer. He won't change so its best you change the situation.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 I have to agree with Cindy here.
DUMP him, if he calls you back, wish him well, but that there is no way in Hades you will accept being treated like that by anyone, let alone the guy you WERE dating.
Whatever ever his ex did, is NOT excuse for him to act like an immature toad. And silent treatment? Not cool, EVER.
YOU are in charge of how people TREAT you, so do NOT let this guy treat you in a way you KNOW is not OK.
YOU are not the ex-gf, thus punishing YOU for HER behavior is NEVER OK. He needs to grow up.
Let him go. Want more for yourself from a relationship and a guy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 Look, I don't know if this is valid advice, because normally the classic, and sensible advice when a couple has communication issues , and about minor, mundane stuff, is to tell them to sit the partner down and talk it out, in a calm, non judgemental way , you know : " When you do X, that makes me feel Y " etc.
But... you are so young ! 16-17 ! Are you sure you want to sweat it that much, for some guy that in any case has about 1% chances to still be in your life 5 years from now ? You have so many other possibilities, so many other chances to do better than this guy. The world is full of men, and rather than holding on one who at his Young age already has "trust issues " and most of all a nasty, direspectful attitude, - just move to another one who is not a fixer-upper and does not need a total " psychological remodeling " intervention !
So many women have the Florence Nightingale complex, and they feel it's their duty , and alas, pleasure too , to stay there and take any kind crap and verbal abuse while they "help " him through his trust issues, insecurities , and relational difficulties in general.
You know, that's not your job, you aren't a licensed therapist or a psychiatric nurse. If he 's got issues, and he's got baggage ,that's on him, and he is the one who needs to take care of his problems BEFORE he can date.
It's the same like driving a car : you don't go get yourself a car if you have no clue how to drive it, right ? First you learn to drive safely and you pass your test THEN you get a car.
With relationships , it's the same, first you must know , for instance, that you can only talk to your woman in a non insulting, non derogatory way , THEN you attempt having a relationship.
As a matter of fact, if you dump his moody, overbearing a.. you'll be doing him the best turn ever , and you 'll give him the chance to learn a precious life lesson : "the world does not revolve around him ".
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A
female
reader, Irish49 +, writes (18 May 2016):
 Yes, your boyfriend does have 'trust' issues. These type of problems come up in relationships when one person is extremely insecure. And this is what he is...insecure. Why? Well, as you stated he hasn't gotten over the 'hurt' caused by his ex. And he has brought that 'baggage' into a relationship with you. So, the problem with an insecure boyfriend is his unhealthy co-dependent behavior on you to keep him happy, in this relationship. That's unfair and you deserve better. It takes two to love and cherish in a healthy way. You will burn out, by constantly trying to keep him happy and tip toeing around his insecurity issues. Can you withstand the fact that everytime he percieves a threat to his relationship with you, or something makes him unhappy -a fight ensues, in which he ignores you? So what do you do about this? My suggestion is to cut him loose but this is ultimately, your decision. In the meantime, I'd let him think about things for a few days, do not contact him and when he comes back, be honest and tell him what "YOU" want. He really needs to work on himself and get over his insecurity problems. He's young, he has time but if he doesn't do the work, this problem could plague him in many future relationships, as well. Hope all goes well for you, be strong and I do wish you luck.
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