A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have an older sister who I feel is making bad decisions but I don't know if it's my place to say anything. Growing up I admired her drive and work ethic but since she got with her child's father she has changed. They are no longer together and I feel like it's broken her. She doesn't want to work, doesn't properly care for my autistic nephew and is very insecure. For the past 10 years or so she has just been sort of floating along and depending on men and government assistance. My family also enables her in my opinion. We help her out financially at times and she depends on us for transportation. I am at my wits end. She has entered a new relationship with a much younger guy and is depending on him financially. I don't see it ending well. Should I say anything? I don't want to seem judgemental but I want better for her. She is physically capable of working and caring for herself but I feel as long as she keeps getting "help" she never will stand on her own two feet.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Although I am not particularly fond of people who make a career out of depending from government's assistence, it needs to be told , though, that generally governments do not assist you if you are young, strong, fit as a fiddle, issue free and with not a care in the world.
So if your sister is getting assistence, something must be the matter with her and her life. It could be that you, in her shoes, would be more resilient, more proactive, would by now have bounced back and be able to stand on your feet- but everybody is different and everybody has different coping skills. It's great that your family is able to assist her financially, but from what you say it seems that she is also in dire need of psychologiccal / emotional support, and maybe she is not getting it at least in the quantity and type she would need.
Perhaps you should make an effort to think more like a sister and less like a disgruntled taxpayer,( even if that would be your right ). If you cannot / prefer not to give her any more of your money, that's understandable, it's a legitimate decision and does not make you " mean ", everybody's got their priorities. But other than that , I would not interfere with her life nor try to tell her how she has to conduct it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Do you have full time care of a disabled child? that's very tiring (My 32 yr old is on the Autistic Spectrum and lives now in a group home)
Also if a younger man is paying for an older woman..he's getting something out of it and HOW or WHY their relationship works is NONE Of your business. (my husband is 13 yrs younger than I am and NOT the father of my children)
IF you choose to no longer help her out, then let her know that 'Sis I am sorry but i no longer can help out financially or with transportation"
and let your family know you will no longer help out as that's your choice.
You say she is PHYSICALLY capable... is she mentally and emotionally?
I am currently letting my husband have "a gap year" (at 43) because while he's physically struggling with issues he is also emotionally unable to function due to issues that are being addressed but take time, perhaps your sister needs more emotional/mental support than the family can give and she should be directed towards professionals that can help her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): What do you want to tell her exactly? You'll probably be opening up old wounds. Do you know why she and the father split? If it was her decision, then she may feel like she made the wrong one. So she doesn't trust herself anymore...and got depressed and everything. Unless you know the whole story I wouldn't recommend saying anything.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 I am afraid it will look like you are interfering if you say anything to her. Yes you are worried about her, but she is an adult and she is capable of making her own decisions. If you fear that your nephew is being neglected well then yes you should step in, but in regards to her relationships, or work that is her business.
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