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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I would love to ask this waitress out. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Q. I like a waitress in the town near to where I live. She has served me on several occasions, and said hi and spoken to me. I would love to ask her out, but my bottle always goes!! It was my birthday yesterday, and on the way out she said 'Ha...
A. 14 July 2016: Of course you can do it .We had no doubts about it.
I must say that I see it somewhere halfway between Andie and Serpico.
I.e. : while I don't think the Macho Man approach is necessarily the winning one, and personally I don't like guys " w... (read in full...)
Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 4 July 2016: You have definitely made the right decisison, - and now you can sleep in a clean, smoke free, mold free environment too :)
May I dare to say, to " better late than never " ?
It is always interesting to see how posters tend to give us the whol... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be feeling as I do? And despite years together, I am always anxious around my husband
Q. I am in my 40s and am married to a very good man. Kids are grown and out of the house. My husband was away for a month, as his parents recently passed away within 3 months of each other, and he closed business for a month to spend time with his sist...
A. 1 July 2016: Live by yourself and just meet your husband some times ? Well, tbh I don't know if that would be a reasonable request from you, and surely it would not be fair to your husband, I mean if he got married I am sure it was because he counted on having ... (read in full...)
Based on my observations, does my crush have a boyfriend? Or am I getting it wrong?
Q. I am friends with a female who ive got a crush on at work. I really like her, and she is a kind and friendly person with a beautiful face. We talk now and then to each other and say the odd hello how are you, as we don't get a chance to talk muc...
A. 30 June 2016: Ah... just only one of those strange DC coincidences then. When two different people pop up in the same week with the same issue ( and the same way and words to describe it ).
The solution is simple then : ask her out .
If she says on ... (read in full...)
Based on my observations, does my crush have a boyfriend? Or am I getting it wrong?
Q. I am friends with a female who ive got a crush on at work. I really like her, and she is a kind and friendly person with a beautiful face. We talk now and then to each other and say the odd hello how are you, as we don't get a chance to talk muc...
A. 29 June 2016: If this is the same girl you asked out for coffeee and turned you down, you should not handle it at all, IMO.
If she does not want to date you what difference does it make what she does with whom in her free time ?
Anyway , it figures that she... (read in full...)
What are we ? Last night he told me "you're not my girlfriend".
Q. I'm having the most troubling time. I'll start explaining from the beginning. (lets call him J) I met J my first year of college. At the time we both had someone we were dating, so we never bothered getting close or anything. maybe 2 months p...
A. 29 June 2016: You should stop at once,like yesterday, having sex and cuddles and whatnot with this guy. He says you are not his girlfriend- so don't do with him things that pertain to a girlfriend.
Of course there are other girls you can have repe... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be feeling as I do? And despite years together, I am always anxious around my husband
Q. I am in my 40s and am married to a very good man. Kids are grown and out of the house. My husband was away for a month, as his parents recently passed away within 3 months of each other, and he closed business for a month to spend time with his sist...
A. 29 June 2016: I think it's normal for your particular type of marriage and of husband.
The main professional hazard in helping professions is "caregiver burn-out " : a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion that often may be accompanied by a chan... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 4 years has been speaking to his ex, what do I do?
Q. Hi Guys, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years with a brief break in the middle. I have just discovered that he has been texting/sexting his ex from around 5-6 years ago, possibly his first official relationship. From the beginning, we have b...
A. 29 June 2016: Lucky for you, your Bf has just come up with some creative bullshit, but it's still bullshit.
I say " lucky for you " , because, imagine if what he says were true : what a nasty piece of work he would be.
" He wanted her to want him so that he ... (read in full...)
If he hates other men looking at me why does he find it ok for him to go and look at other women.
Q. Firstly I want to start by saying that I am not a prude at all, I have no problem with pornography and stuff like that, I'm very open when it comes to things like that. I've even taken my boyfriend to a strip club before. But I've been with m...
A. 29 June 2016: He does not get your point , because he knows that anyway all he can/will do is to look at these women through a glass partition. While your boobs' ogler, in absence of your bf, can not only ogle your boobs, but approach you, and try and flirt ... (read in full...)
Why do some people not say hello? Especially at work?
Q. Why do some people not say hi back, especially in work or social situation? I was told once to always say hi as i walk into work or in a social situation and im introverted, saying hi is hard but i do! So why do colleagues and some others igno...
A. 29 June 2016: No. It depends from the environment- habits- current code of conduct - general context.
When I lived in L.A., I had to re-train myself quick to sai " hi " to strangers in the street, or respond to their " hi " . Maybe because pedestrians are ... (read in full...)
We both feel uncomfortable around the other's family. Is this normal?
Q. I am confused with my relationship. Long story short. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years but we are still trying to be comfortable with each others' families. Although when he talks with his family, I feel left out and he feels ...
A. 29 June 2016: Yes, it's normal. Lots of people feel uncomfortable around their own family !, imagine someone else's-
Family are little microcosms, each has its own traditions, habits, mannerisms, preferences, which may surprise people from the outside, or m... (read in full...)
I would love to ask this waitress out. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Q. I like a waitress in the town near to where I live. She has served me on several occasions, and said hi and spoken to me. I would love to ask her out, but my bottle always goes!! It was my birthday yesterday, and on the way out she said 'Ha...
A. 28 June 2016: Personally, but I think many women share my preference, I don't like arrogance but I like confidence. It may be a fine line.. but it exists.
OP- it's just a date. You are asking for some of her time, not for one of her kidneys. No need to twis... (read in full...)
I feel unwelcome at work
Q. Im new to the area NOT the workplace or job (i have been there a while) some colleagues wont even introduce themselves! I have said hi and introduced myself to some and some give me a " who s she?" Look and wont introduce themselves. I like my job ...
A. 28 June 2016: I guess it depends.
From how many people work there, for instance. If it's a huge outfit things will be a bit impersonal.
I am a normally well mannered person, I hope, but in NY I lived for few years in a building that was 36 floors, 10 or 12... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?
Q. Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...
A. 28 June 2016: If you refer to those kind of massage parlours where the whole point if the massage is to get to the happy ending- as shown by the fact that you pay an extra for it - then sure, of course it is cheating, what else ? Unless you think Bill Clinton- ... (read in full...)
What does the appearance of her toothbrush at my place mean?
Q. I've got a bit of a humorous question, however, it's also a serious one. Ladies, what does it really mean when you leave some of your belongings at a guys place? The girl I've been sleeping with for a while now just left (Cue the music: "Don don ...
A. 28 June 2016: Oh yes, SVC ! I remember the drawer question, even if it was a long time ago, and I remember I answered : Sure ,it is meaningful- in "Friends ", when Chandler decides that he must get over his committment issues, what does he do ? He gives Janice a ... (read in full...)
I would love to ask this waitress out. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Q. I like a waitress in the town near to where I live. She has served me on several occasions, and said hi and spoken to me. I would love to ask her out, but my bottle always goes!! It was my birthday yesterday, and on the way out she said 'Ha...
A. 27 June 2016: I agree - no need to fake " keen ".
I did not mean to jinx your date, OP :). It's just , that you know how they say : Expect the best. Prepare for the worst.
Best of luck ! ... (read in full...)
What does the appearance of her toothbrush at my place mean?
Q. I've got a bit of a humorous question, however, it's also a serious one. Ladies, what does it really mean when you leave some of your belongings at a guys place? The girl I've been sleeping with for a while now just left (Cue the music: "Don don ...
A. 27 June 2016: I think she got tired of going around with an used toothbrush in her purse, and she thought, that after 8 months of sleeping with you, respecting the terms of your casual arrangement, not invading your privacy, not demanding exclusivity, and not ... (read in full...)
I would love to ask this waitress out. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Q. I like a waitress in the town near to where I live. She has served me on several occasions, and said hi and spoken to me. I would love to ask her out, but my bottle always goes!! It was my birthday yesterday, and on the way out she said 'Ha...
A. 27 June 2016: I'd follow the program and do what she said : next time you go to this place , ask for her and remind her your coffee date. If she meant business, she will arrange with you a day and time . If she was tryng to let you down easy ( alas this can ... (read in full...)
Is it too late to reach out? Do his actions speak for themselves?
Q. I've been dating someone for three months. The first two months were amazing. We saw one another 1-2 times a week and spoke daily. Our connection was wonderful. But during the last month communication on his side dropped immensely. He basically ...
A. 27 June 2016: Sorry, I must correct myself. You don't call this guy " my boyfriend " , at least in this post. I am under the impression that you have used this definition for him in one of your previous posts. But , should I be wrong, the gist does not change ... (read in full...)
Is it too late to reach out? Do his actions speak for themselves?
Q. I've been dating someone for three months. The first two months were amazing. We saw one another 1-2 times a week and spoke daily. Our connection was wonderful. But during the last month communication on his side dropped immensely. He basically ...
A. 27 June 2016: I think you are taking this from the wrong end.
You are clearly putting quite some effort in a mind - reading attempt : does he still like me ? does he still want me ? what does he want to happen between us ?
It's simpler if you reverse ... (read in full...)
It feels like he has checked out of the relationship.
Q. I feel like my boyfriend is taking me for granted. We are both 30. We've been together for half a year. The first four months were amazing. We always had a lot to talk about, he was very outgoing and chatty, and affectionate, and we did many things ...
A. 27 June 2016: Anon female : if this is how you feel personally because of past or current experiences, simply as a fellow human being I can't but feel sorry for your pain, and wish you healing, recovery and peace of mind. Nobody loves hearing that someone ... (read in full...)
I felt we were connection but she has gone quiet.
Q. Hey guys! I've been dating a girl for 2 weeks or so now and been on about 6 dates with her, we are meant to be going out tomorrow. She's gone abit quiet- less messages/ calls, I really do like her and feel like we are already connecting. I'm ...
A. 26 June 2016: Relax ! Are you always so anxious ?
It's 7 dates in 15 days. That tells you were you are at, and tells you that she is happy enough with how things are going to be wanting to see you , basically, every other day. That would be , for most peop... (read in full...)
Will a man in a sexless, long term marriage eventually have sex with another woman?
Q. I have a question and I am curious about what the opinions are out there. If a man is in a long term relationship or marriage and his wife was no longer willing to have sex (ie. she never did like it to begin with, she no longer likes it) with h...
A. 26 June 2016: Of course we go by generalizations in this thread and others. What else can we go by ! , dealing with a general, hypothetical question ? without knowing in depth and in details, a specific situation the poster has in mind ?
But the fact that... (read in full...)
Will a man in a sexless, long term marriage eventually have sex with another woman?
Q. I have a question and I am curious about what the opinions are out there. If a man is in a long term relationship or marriage and his wife was no longer willing to have sex (ie. she never did like it to begin with, she no longer likes it) with h...
A. 26 June 2016: Sorry, but I feel I was not veering off anything.
Your question was not about the importance of physical passion in general.
Your question was about someone who has a long term relationship, or a WIFE ( btw it's not exactly the same thing an... (read in full...)
When is the right time to take an ex back?
Q. I have not been seeing or contacting my ex for two years now. He sent me a text yesterday just to say hi on social network. As we text he tells me he is still inlove with me and wants to be the best guy for me. He blames himself for the break up ...
A. 26 June 2016: I am tempted to say : Never ! , but I'll modify it in an : almost never. Exes are exes for a reason.
Take yours, for instance .You had to break up because he was flirting with other girls ( which clearly does not sit well with you ). He migh... (read in full...)
Has he agreed to see where things lead?
Q. I had been seeing a separated man for 2 months. He has been separated for 18 months. He has been very open and honest with me about his difficult divorce he is in the process of. From the start he told me he wasn't sure how much he had to give ...
A. 26 June 2016: Oh he can see where things are going, things are going in the direction of a nice FWB.
He told you that much, you are choosing to give it a different spin.
He CAN'T be in a relationship, he can't make any committment , he can't arrange regular ... (read in full...)
I want to date but am turning them all down ....
Q. A couple of months ago a guy i'd been seeing broke it off with me, i was really upset as it had been going on a while and i thought we were really good together. Since then i haven't openly looked to start dating anyone else, but on nights out with ...
A. 26 June 2016: Be patient. You are not over your ex yet- you are either stll carrying a torch for him, or the experience left a bitter taste in your mouth, which has not gone away yet, or both.
What's your rush ? I am surely not one to advise staying stuck in t... (read in full...)
Why do some young women go out to night clubs dressed they way they do?
Q. Why do the women at the night clubs dress like s^^ts?? So I'm talking here about women who wear clothes with plunging cleavages, booster bras, short skirts and the like. We went to a club last weekend and there were many women barely dressed. ...
A. 26 June 2016: I stand by the same answer I gave two years ago :
because it's a night club. And in a night club you wear night club attire. And for night club attire it is acceptable to be on the skimpy side. It is appropriate to the venue or occasion. What... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 26 June 2016: OP, not to antagonize you, because obviously you are entitled to your opinions, about capitalism and about everything,- but I am just curious. It seems we are living in two different Europes, and have been living in two different USA . Europe is ... (read in full...)
Not sure if 'No' means no for good
Q. Asked a female out for a drink from the office of where I work and she said she would get back to me. And she did, unfortunately it wasn't good news. It was a rejection reply. I absolutely hate them. Anyway she explained she wasn't able to see me ...
A. 26 June 2016: Very bad idea. At least , you can't try again in a couple of months but first send her a bitter written reproach about the disappointment she gave you and her poor decision. That's shooting yourself in your foot. Do you think she will like you ... (read in full...)
She rejected my invitation. I still want to be friends. How do I keep things light when I see her again?
Q. Hello agony aunts So this week I asked a female friend of mine if she wanted to meet for a coffee sometime and I mentioned we don't get opportunities to talk at work with our different schedules. Which is true as we don't do, anyway to cut ...
A. 25 June 2016: " What should I say to her ? " about what ?
If you are still referring to the weekend plans question : 3 of us think that you should say nothing , one, Ivyblue , feels you should say something and already detailed accurately what your words shou... (read in full...)
Four months into the relationship, so why is he choosing to sleep in a different bed to me?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm dating a guy younger than me for past 4 months. We hang around in his place during weekend. It's the second time I find him sleeping in living room because he says he steal his blanket and he can't sleep or I turn around a lot. ...
A. 25 June 2016: I guess it's a matter of opinions . In your place, personally I'd be concerned about all the rest BUT the sleeping arrangements.
My parents stayed happily married for decades although sleeping separately ( my father snored in a horrific way )
... (read in full...)
Will a man in a sexless, long term marriage eventually have sex with another woman?
Q. I have a question and I am curious about what the opinions are out there. If a man is in a long term relationship or marriage and his wife was no longer willing to have sex (ie. she never did like it to begin with, she no longer likes it) with h...
A. 25 June 2016: Edit :
" was supposedly NOT intimate "... (read in full...)
Will a man in a sexless, long term marriage eventually have sex with another woman?
Q. I have a question and I am curious about what the opinions are out there. If a man is in a long term relationship or marriage and his wife was no longer willing to have sex (ie. she never did like it to begin with, she no longer likes it) with h...
A. 25 June 2016: You haven't considered a not irrelevant detail though.
That, I am not going to say " all " cheating husbands of course, but many, many cheating husbands say they are not having sex with their wife and by now they live together like brother and ... (read in full...)
She rejected my invitation. I still want to be friends. How do I keep things light when I see her again?
Q. Hello agony aunts So this week I asked a female friend of mine if she wanted to meet for a coffee sometime and I mentioned we don't get opportunities to talk at work with our different schedules. Which is true as we don't do, anyway to cut ...
A. 25 June 2016: I would not say anything at all, you are making this a huge deal which is not.
Look, I am blessed with a better-than-average memory, and still at times I found myself telling people " So, what movie did you see yesterday ? Ah right. You told me "... (read in full...)
He's accusing me of not locking the door. Why would he become be so accusatory towards me??
Q. I just moved into an apartment with a room-mate. And there's been a situation that I would like your opinion on: My room-mate came home after being gone for a week, and discovers some boxes for him on his bed, that he ordered. So he asks me if I ...
A. 25 June 2016: Someone who comes through a third floor window bringing in boxes ?...
Santa Claus and his elfs ! I see that you are in Norway, somewhat close to the North Pole... so that is a distinct possibility :) .
This guy is a bit weird, but I think ( ... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 25 June 2016: I have to agree with Serpico- although personally being an European and a laid back, unambitious person :)
That's not slavery, it's capitalism, for good and for bad. It's a system that has its obvious dark side, and it's obvious advantages. Adva... (read in full...)
What's your opinion of age gaps? Does he really like me? Or does he have a different motive?
Q. Okay so first.. What's your opinion on age gaps?? What's to big of an age gap? There is a guy at my work ( I work in a factory) who works second shift while I work first. He is 12 years older than I am. When I very first started working there he...
A. 24 June 2016: Think ,OP, think ...What could it be the motive :) ?
Yes, THAT . You got it. He wants to get into your knickers.
I am not saying that some times a 32 y.o. guy could not be on the same wavelength with a mature 20 y.o. , and want a serious,... (read in full...)
He's accusing me of not locking the door. Why would he become be so accusatory towards me??
Q. I just moved into an apartment with a room-mate. And there's been a situation that I would like your opinion on: My room-mate came home after being gone for a week, and discovers some boxes for him on his bed, that he ordered. So he asks me if I ...
A. 24 June 2016: Don't take it personally.
He does not know you that well, if you just moved, and he cannot know if you are or not a person who would lie, or who instead would take responsibility if some mishap had happened.
This is a weird, uneplain... (read in full...)
How can I fit in with new work colleagues? Some are not very nice
Q. Some of our departments have merged at work, whats a good way to get along with new colleagues? Edit None of us new to the workplace but 1/3 of us ( maybe 13 of us) have moved to new much bigger a...
A. 24 June 2016: Relax ; everything is going to be Ok.
This is not sarcasm, this is encouragement !
You have nothing to fear .. but fear itself.
You are a competent worker , and a polite person, and you are one among many people who have been moved, so yo... (read in full...)
What would you do if faced with these situations from his family and the friends from his country.
Q. Hello I am middle aged and have been married for over 12 years. Both my husband and I are from diff countries and our cultures are different. I moved to Canada and married him, im from UK and hes from another country There have been times whe...
A. 24 June 2016: Different perspective here.
I agree with your husband. Let it go. Move on.
Yes she was rude. She was DRUNK ! Yes , she still knew what she was doing, as another poster says. But the fact is, when people are drunk, they know they are doing wr... (read in full...)
Is rejection good or bad? How does one accept and deal with rejection?
Q. I asked a female who is beautiful from work on social media if she fancied meeting me for a coffee to get to know me better. This was today, we are good friends on social media, and I decided the time was right to ask her and to seize the day. And...
A. 24 June 2016: Rejection is just a fact of life. It bothers you, some times it may even hurt, but hey life goes on. You put it behind you and move on. Nobody is always going to be accepted ( as a boyfriend, a friend, an employee, a member of a club, anything ) ... (read in full...)
Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 23 June 2016: Then thanks God that he did not want to come to Italy ! No offence , but we have already enough loafers and benefits scroungers , real whizzes at working the system , both national and foreigners, without importing the German - based one. Let ... (read in full...)
Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 23 June 2016: I must say that, being from Italy myself, I was a little perplexed reading your post.
Maybe yours is the more adventurous free - lance mentality. Or maybe , lucky you, you earn so well that you have a bit lost touch with the life of someone who'... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 21 June 2016: Of course they can expect extra hours without paying overtime - " exempt employee " means precisely that you are an employee who is exempt from the application of the Fair Labour Standards Act in re. to minimal wages and overtime.
Check if you ... (read in full...)
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