A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts!! My ex boyfriend just called to ask if I would be willing to attend his undergrad graduation in June 11th. He and I dated for 6 months and broke up twice both times because my best friend let me know he was cheating on me, though neither event was ever confirmed and I still don't have closure. I have never met his family, since our relationship was primarily long distance because we attend different universities, so I think I would feel really uncomfortable attending. However, our two break ups ended well and after we broke up we occasionally texted/talked on the phone but neither of us thought about getting back together. He had brought up his graduation multiple times during our relationship but did formally ask me to attend, until now. While on the phone, I said accepted his invitation but after thinking about it I am really unsure if I actually want to attend. On the phone he said he wants me to attend because I was an important part of his life but I am not entirely over our break up and again, anticipate that I will feel very uncomfortable. I want to be supportive because aside from being my our relationship, I truly believe he is a great person and am proud of his accomplishments. So aunts, should I attend? and why/why not?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2016):
 No, you should not attend.
I don't even know why he is laying it on so thick with the " part you had in his life " - unless nobody else will be attending his graduation !, and / or he sort of wants to keep you on the back burner just in case.
Anyway, ... uh ? You dated for 6 months, during which you managed to break up twice, both because of his indiscretions. ( he either cheated on you - or at least acted in a reproachable, not crystal clear way that gave rise to your annoyance and suspicions ): part of your relationship was LD, you never met his family, after the break up you have been in touch loosely and occasionally as most ACQUAINTANCES would. Nice thing that you can be civil to each other, regardless of the probable cheatings, but, really, these are not terms that would warrant your presence to his graduation, In quality of what ?
I don't get either why you entertain the idea to possibly attend. Unless you are so not over him taht in the back of your mind sort of hope that hanging around him may give you a chance to reconcile.
Just tell him that you hve accepted on impulse but on second thought you don't feeel it's a ggod idea, or just that tbh you don't feel like going- you've got other priorities. Be polite, apologize for the change of plans, send him your best wishes and congratulations then- move on. For real this time.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (7 May 2016):
 You don't have closure? Closure to what OP? The man cheated on you and that too twice in a matter of a mere 6 months. This is enough for you to despise him and block him out of your life for good. What do you even mean by closure? Do you want him to give an answer as to why he cheated on you? Will that make you feel better? To have him tell you that you weren't good enough, sexy enough, didn't satisfy him the way that he wanted?
OP I don't mean to offend you but you were a part of his life for six months and he cheated on you twice in that time. You were in NO way important to him. Don't let him fool you into thinking that you were and don't flatter your ego by thinking that you were. I also don't know how and why you think this man is "great". If you mean good academic qualifications then good for him but again, that doesn't make him great in any way. He cheated on you. Twice. Enough said.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (7 May 2016):
For the reasons mention, I'm with the other aunts on this one. Do not attend.
I'll add that if you do attend, you'll probably see him hugged by various attractive girls and it'll set you to wondering which of them he's slept with. Your expectations of spending some time with him may be shattered when he tells you he has other obligations (to family? to other girls?).
Be nice about it and wish him well. However, this whole deal is a mine field and if you do go you'll likely return home being less happy than when you left on the trip.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 May 2016):
 Im sorry but I just don't get the connection between you being an important part of his life, so much so he cheated on you twice? If you want closure call him up and say " I only accepted to be polite, truth is I really cant be bothered, good luck with everything because I wont be in contact again".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2016):
 Don't take offense but..... You dated 6 months, you are NOT that important to him. Which is quite obvious if he cheated on you twice.
I would not go, I'd send him a card and I would BLOCK his number.
There is no need for "closure" here. He cheated, he wasn't worthy. That is closure enough. A person don't HAVE to fess up or apologize for "closure" to happen.
The reason you feel you are lacking in closure, is because you have allowed the line of communication to stay open. You haven't cut him off 100%. And YOU haven't moved in.
Come on, OP stop wasting your time on a guy who couldn't be bothered to be faithful for 6!! months.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2016):
 No, you shouldn't. The guy cheated on you. You don't feel "closure" because you refuse to close. How can you "confirm" cheating unless you were in the room while he was in the act.
When breakups occur, the closure happens when you break contact and move on. You don't feel closure because you still maintain contact. You need to *be* your own closure, and going to his graduation is the very opposite of closure, and it wastes your time, and keeps you from moving on.
And why do you feel the need to be supportive? He didn't share your sentiments when he was cheating on you. Stop getting played. There are a million people who graduate college, get Master's degrees, get doctorates, some on this site even.
The only accomplishments you should be celebrating should be your own, and you can start by accomplishing the clean break from this guy.
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