A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario:My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister Allie. Susan was sitting next to me. Her and I instantly became friends and chatted all night. Allie, sat accross the table from us.My first impression of Allie was when everyone commented about how one of the dishes served was salty, she jokingly said "No, it's actually pretty sweet." My boyfriend had the biggest response and laughed and I saw he was impressed with her. I didn't say anything of course. However, through the entire meal he did use her "That dish is so sweet joke quite a few times. The second impression of Allie was I saw how impressed my boyfriend was as Allie had a competition with another guy at our table and won as she quickly downed two bottles of beer. My boyfriend appeared very impressed at how Allie can drink. Last, but not least, we were all chit chatting at the table and Susan mentioned how Allie is her sister. My boyfriend loudly said "No way, you can't be sisters. You don't look alike. Allie is so much prettier!". My instant response was: "Hey don't say that about my friend, she is pretty too" Everyone laughed but I could see how my boyfriend looked at Allie when he said Allie is so much prettier. I saw how they looked at each other. Then Allie went on to ask where I got the ring I was wearing. I felt she was trying to figure out the relationship between my boyfriend and I. She also went on to ask how long my boyfriend and I had dated and how we met. My boyfriend was reluctant, but I asked him to answer all those questions. I may be wrong, but my gut feeling was that he was making if known to Allie he was interested in her and she was expressing interest in him too. I was upset and we talked about it and he blamed his comments on having one too many beers. I felt he was disrespecting me when he kept repeating Allie's "sweet" joke and when he clearly openly commented on how pretty he thinks Allie is. He said I shouldn't be upset and just understand that's how he is. I told him I will never act that way and I expect the same of my partner.Am I over reacting?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2016): I just don't get why so many guys are such pigs. I will be blunt here.
This kind of behaviour seems so common.
We women should just tell them to go and f#ck off. And see if they ever find better. Betcha they won't!!!
Men have problems with ego. They are generally insecure and feel that the more women they attract, the better they are as a human being. More macho and more masculine. They love to plump up all their feathers! All that bull shit. When in fact they are just disrespectful, oblivious dogs. Because REAL men know how to treat their woman right. And that means not disrespecting her publicly and around other women. Real men know they must always continue to treat her right in order to keep her. Otherwise, another dude will come in and do his job for him!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): He humiliated Susan. He humiliated you. No you are not in the wrong but if you cannot accept that his behaviour is socially unacceptable full stop and that any excuse he makes just makes him less and less attractive then we cannot help you. It's really a case of the scenario you describe very clearly really being a deal breaker. Remember.. how a man treats other people in public will absolutely be an indication of the way he will be with you privately.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2016):
 He would be an ex-bf in a heartbeat if that was me. Rude, obnoxious, lame and then... blaming HIS behavior on you.. Yeah, he would be out with the trash.
Sorry, I think your BF showed a side of him he had previously hid from you. But THIS is who he is as well.
Now I get that you don't like Allie, or that he paid more attention to her than you - not really Allies fault... I lay the "blame" at your BF's feet solely.
And like Cindy said, since he is over 3 years old, he ought to have learned to think before speaking.
Good luck with it...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 I just read your last update OP, and ... in case your BF is planning a career as a lawyer, tell him not to, he would not convince anybody, his argumentations make no sense .
Why should he have as his main goal to make a sarcastic ( in fact, offensive ,not sarcastic ) comment about a stranger's appearance ? How is it his business what Susan looks like and how does he figure such a bad taste joke can be construed as " sarcasm " ?
And, assuming that saying Allie is so much prettier than her sister that they don't even look related, is just the factual truth, ... who the heck is he, the herald of truth, to go around spewing his " facts " whether it's appropriate or not ? How old is he, 3 ? If he is 3 , he has a point. " Mom , look at that fat lady , she looks like an elephant ! " " Shhh, Tommy,....don't say that " " But, Mom !, it's true ! She IS fat ! She DOES look like an elephant ! " If he is more than 3, he should know better, and act better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2016):
 "He said I SET UP....to MAKE HIM"
do you see how he is trying to make HIS BAD behavior YOUR fault?
he can't even own up to the fact that he was wrong.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 May 2016):
Ok, so he was not drunk, point taken.
Therefore, yes, he did not care if he was rude and juvenile.
As long as he could show to fast drinking Allie that he finds her attractive.
And ?... Is that OK with you ? Are you fine with dating a guy who does not care about being rude and juvenile as long as he gets to hit on the slick party girls he is attracted to ?...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): I'm the OP here. He denies he was flirting. He said what he did does not constitute flirting as his 'main goal' was to throw a sarcastic comment at Susan. He said I set up the question to make him a flirt. Everything I stated about his comment to Susan and his statement that there's no way they can be sisters because Allie is sooo much prettier is nothing but the fact.
He said it's only flirting is he had directly complimented her or followed up with an exchange of phone numbers. Well, if that DID HAPPEN, I'd call it cheating and not flirting LOL.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2016):
I'm an outrageous flirt. My husband has seen me do it and he finds it amusing. What your (hopefully soon to be ex) oafish boyfriend did was HIT on a woman in front of you.
He disrespected you and then tried to NOT own his BAD behavior by blaming it on the alcohol.
his "take it or leave me" attitude would have me "leave him"
He clearly is not committed to you 100% and he will now say "I was just teasing" or "I was joking" or anything else to try to backtrack on the fact that he would leave you in a red hot second if something better for him came along.
I'm sorry.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 What had you done to deserve that? It seems like he went out of his way to be rude and disrespectful to you. Come to think about it, what a rude thing to say to Susan.
If I were you I would cut all communication without more explanation. Let him work out what he's done wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): So you have a boyfriend who is an oaf, doesn't care if he's rude or juvenile and prefers party girls who can drink. So why are you staying with him? You now know more about him that you knew before. Personally I don't see why anyone would want to date a guy like him. Leave him to the party girls and go find someone with common sense, respect, courtesy and integrity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): He was flirting with her. Period. A bit too much to drink? Lame excuse, but even if it were the case, do you want to be disrespected each time he has a few drinks and feels like flirting with a pretty girl/woman?He made a rude comment and if he's not normally rude, he went out of his way to compliment Allie, which makes it even worse.I'm not saying that Allie is innocent in all this, but she is single. Your bf made a mess and acted totally inappropriate. And yes, her questions sound awfully ambiguous. On one hand, she is showing interest and making conversation, on the other hand she is gathering useful information.In a nutshell, you are not overreacting. And btw, I've just noticed your age range. If your bf is about the same age, he should know better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): I'm the OP here.
I honestly believe he didn't care if he was rude or juvenile. Besides, he only had 1 beer, if that. To me, he only cared about making one point accross - that he notices Allie and thinks she's pretty. (which she actually isn't) He is very attracted to party girls who can drink, and even more attracted to girls who are slick with words. She clearly reciprocated letting him know she's interested in the status of our relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 May 2016):
Maybe it was a whole lot of beers too many.
Otherwise, if " this is who he is ", well, then he is an oaf.
I can't believe it !, who in his right mind would say to a perfect stranger ( not that it's much better if you say it to a friend , but at least supposedly the friend knows already you have no filter and suffer from foot-in-mouth episodes ) who would say " You can't be sisters, your sister is much prettier than you ! " ?!
I noticed that you seem ( understandably ) annoyed by the fact that your bf was flirting too much blatantly right in your face , but not so much that he was so rude. Nor that he thinks gulping down beers very fast is an impressive , endearing qualiy in a woman.
So yes, unless it was just the drinks talking, this must be " who he is " . Do you really like who he is ?.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2016):
I think your BF was definitely flirting and rude all at the same time. Who tells a woman that she can't be sister to another woman because she isn't as pretty? WTF? Being friendly, polite and cheerful at a weeding, I get that... but he acted a tad juvenile if you ask me.
I wouldn't be surprised if your will see texts from Allie pop on your BF's cell.
And his statement..
" He said I shouldn't be upset and just understand that's how he is."
So now you know... this is who he is. Is that a guy for you, long term?
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