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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 4 July 2016: You have definitely made the right decisison, - and now you can sleep in a clean, smoke free, mold free environment too :)
May I dare to say, to " better late than never " ?
It is always interesting to see how posters tend to give us the whol... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 26 June 2016: OP, not to antagonize you, because obviously you are entitled to your opinions, about capitalism and about everything,- but I am just curious. It seems we are living in two different Europes, and have been living in two different USA . Europe is ... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 25 June 2016: I have to agree with Serpico- although personally being an European and a laid back, unambitious person :)
That's not slavery, it's capitalism, for good and for bad. It's a system that has its obvious dark side, and it's obvious advantages. Adva... (read in full...)
Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 23 June 2016: Then thanks God that he did not want to come to Italy ! No offence , but we have already enough loafers and benefits scroungers , real whizzes at working the system , both national and foreigners, without importing the German - based one. Let ... (read in full...)
Is he serious about our future?
Q. Hi all, I am in a long-distance relationship. I am from Italy, my partner is Spanish and has been living in Germany for over 15 years now. He was unemployed for ages but now has a good job, it is on a contract basis but they love him and have sai...
A. 23 June 2016: I must say that, being from Italy myself, I was a little perplexed reading your post.
Maybe yours is the more adventurous free - lance mentality. Or maybe , lucky you, you earn so well that you have a bit lost touch with the life of someone who'... (read in full...)
We agreed to remain friends but I haven't heard from him!
Q. A guy i was seeing for 5 months ended things with me a couple of months ago. From my persepctive everything was going well and had been fine between us leading up to him ending things so it really upset me as it was totally unexpected. When he ended ...
A. 23 June 2016: " Let's stay friends " is like " Let's do lunch soon "- most of the times you don't have to take it literally, it's just a polite way to disentangle oneself.
It's a gentle way to soften the blow - but it means more something like " Let's not ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband nicely that due our circumstances its not a good idea to have his kids at our home?
Q. My husband wants to get his kids (16 boy,13 girl, and 8boy)today but we both work from 6am-6pm M-F. There was no date given when they will be going back home (mothers house), last visit they stayed 3wks. We are having some financial issues right now ...
A. 22 June 2016: I think too it's a bit strange that there's no regular schedule in place for visitation, like " alternate weekends " or whatever, and things are kept so casual and unpredictable.
Anyway- whatever works - if your husband and his ex have agre... (read in full...)
Why does he give gifts to ex's kids but plays the "gift game" with me?
Q. Hello my bf and I have been together for two years. He's had a close relationship with his ex during this time. Texting, emailing, calling, and seeing her. He's also very close to her daughters. He attends their games, buys them gifts and keeps ...
A. 22 June 2016: I sort of understand the first part of the story, i.e. he being close to his ex's kids. I also understand very well how it can bother you, but , at the end of the day, as Eddie mentions, your sons and daughters are a different thing from your ... (read in full...)
Can a friend forget about you while they are away?
Q. I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...
A. 22 June 2016: Maybe my point was not that clear, anyway it was :
Ok, she was your best buddy... but were you HER best buddy likewise ?. Apparently not, if you never met once outside the office or after she left it. I think she was content that you were just... (read in full...)
Can they really expect more hours without overtime pay?
Q. Hello, I moved to the US few months ago and I'm working in financie field and have an exempt full time position. I was hired for 40 hours work per week but my supervisor stating that we all must put some extra hours every week. I do come early ...
A. 21 June 2016: Of course they can expect extra hours without paying overtime - " exempt employee " means precisely that you are an employee who is exempt from the application of the Fair Labour Standards Act in re. to minimal wages and overtime.
Check if you ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Don't want it rubbed in my face. But she says I'm offloading my insecurities by being upset with her
Q. My friend upset me again talking about interacting with another man who she has a past with... I've covered with her in the past that she's to have as much fun as she can with whomever she feels like regardless that I'm mad about her. We have f...
A. 21 June 2016: Eh that's why I say that being " friends " with someone you have feeling for is impossible- and also underhanded, in a way. You accept to play by rules that you can't stand, then when the rules are applied, you complain. Not fair.
Now, I must... (read in full...)
I've asked my ex 3 times if he wants to hook up. He always says yes but it never happens
Q. Okay, so I've been horny lately and I ended up asking my ex if he was interested in hooking up and he said yes. But we never did it. I asked him 3 times, each time after I waited 2 weeks. The last time I asked was 4 weeks ago, and he said he was ...
A. 21 June 2016: Your disappointment is understandable, but in future, try to remember that in practice, " casual " anything, and particularly casual sex- means " I can take it or leave it ".
Suppose that you are lounging around in your P.J. and fancy, say,... (read in full...)
Can a friend forget about you while they are away?
Q. I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...
A. 21 June 2016: I can't but reiterate what the other posters say : a true friendship can stand either one or both taking a
" sabbatical ", due to various circumstances , from a changed , more hectic schedule to simply a moment when either one does not feel too ... (read in full...)
I've asked my ex 3 times if he wants to hook up. He always says yes but it never happens
Q. Okay, so I've been horny lately and I ended up asking my ex if he was interested in hooking up and he said yes. But we never did it. I asked him 3 times, each time after I waited 2 weeks. The last time I asked was 4 weeks ago, and he said he was ...
A. 20 June 2016: Maybe he does not care whether he gives you the wrong impression or not, or if he fosters expectations that are going to stay unmet. He just does what 's easy, practical and convenient for himself- like all " ghosters " do.
That's the limit , IM... (read in full...)
I've asked my ex 3 times if he wants to hook up. He always says yes but it never happens
Q. Okay, so I've been horny lately and I ended up asking my ex if he was interested in hooking up and he said yes. But we never did it. I asked him 3 times, each time after I waited 2 weeks. The last time I asked was 4 weeks ago, and he said he was ...
A. 20 June 2016: Why ?
1) For the same reasons tons of people " ghost " the date they are not going to go out with anymore , rather than just spelling it out . They prefer to fade away and / or make excuses, hoping that the other person gets the hint . Beca... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to quit his job after only 1 week. I told him I'd break up with him if he does so!
Q. Hello, I would like your advice on whether I am being too harsh on my boyfriend. My boyfriend was without a job for quite some months and recently landed a customer service job. He has experience working in a call center environment before so hi...
A. 20 June 2016: Bad idea . Not only, as You Wish says, you have painted yourself in a corner. Imagine what a fool you'll look like if he does quit this job .. and you don't dump him at once. Zero credibility for the future.
But I also think that very poss... (read in full...)
How can I stop being used by men?
Q. Ever since I turned 21 - now I am turning 30 I have always gone above and beyond for men. I would characterize myself as a young successful woman - I hold a good corporate job and two degrees and really Kee up with my appearance. Inside though I am ...
A. 20 June 2016: It is a good thing that you signed up for therapy, the point of which is, in time, to give you the tools to learn being assertive and boosting your self esteem. Of course if this of letting people walk all over you is a problem you had all your ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going on a "men's day out"? no women allowed.
Q. Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going out for the day with his male friends?. He is going out for the day with his male friends this afternoon. He said no women are allowed. He said they go on a day out together every year. He also to...
A. 20 June 2016: Well, congratulations. Maybe you don't see this like a happy ending right now, but it is. He sort of forced you to throw the towel, but he saved you time and stress since it was going to happen anyway because of your basic lack of ... (read in full...)
I've asked my ex 3 times if he wants to hook up. He always says yes but it never happens
Q. Okay, so I've been horny lately and I ended up asking my ex if he was interested in hooking up and he said yes. But we never did it. I asked him 3 times, each time after I waited 2 weeks. The last time I asked was 4 weeks ago, and he said he was ...
A. 20 June 2016: Yes, it would be very desperate. You already asked him 3 times and it never happened- obviously he is not interested. His words said yes ( maybe he was taken aback, or maybe he did not want to hurt your feelings by refusisng you openly ) but his ... (read in full...)
Overwhelming depression has descended on me knowing my Bf will be away with his family until July. How can I stop this depression? What do I need to do about this?
Q. My boyfriend is away on a trip with his family. He hasn't even been gone two days and won't be back until the first week of July. I am not sure if this is normal but I am severely depressed. I have been crying a lot and have isolated myse...
A. 20 June 2016: No, that's not normal- although technically you can't say you are " severely depressed " because for that you should have shown your current symptoms for at least 6 weeks.
Nevertheless, even if it 's just a bout of the blues, it shows itself in s... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 19 June 2016: ..Living in a bedsit ? Why does he have to leave in a bedsit- could he not come to live with YOU ? Could you not ( should you not ! ) rent a place together ?...
What the next excuse will be, that he can't leave because he loves the water pres... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 19 June 2016: Sorry- now that I think of it, the sentence I quoted is not Eric Fromm's ( who, anyway, says the same in a less literary language ), is Antoine St. Exupery's.
Never mind- the concept stands. ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going on a "men's day out"? no women allowed.
Q. Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going out for the day with his male friends?. He is going out for the day with his male friends this afternoon. He said no women are allowed. He said they go on a day out together every year. He also to...
A. 19 June 2016: As of now, I'd leave kids totally out of the equation ( and if you decide to be intimate with this guy, you should make sure you are on birth control ).
This is an on/off " relationship ", so... not even a relationship yet, it's a something whic... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 19 June 2016: No, female anon , we can generalize : what's life itself if not a process of desuming through experience and observation of a large number of individual instances, a general rule ?...
When the sky is full of big dark clouds , ..that's how we know... (read in full...)
Help ! What should I do? He treats me like someone he wants to string along
Q. I was with a relationship for 2 years. A few months ago i found out he had been two- timing me with his ex (i was apparently the side chick). I broke up. He pursued her like a crazed stalker for a month but she left him for good. Then he came for...
A. 19 June 2016: That's an easy question to answer,- I think nobody in their right mind would advise you to do anything but dump him.
Dump dump dump him, like, right now, today. Don't wait, don't procrastinate, don't fool yourself.
He hits you and punches ... (read in full...)
Why do work mates not socialise?
Q. At a work social event do you think it's usual for people to not say hi or say quick hi and not socialise with everyone, or is it a bit rude? Obviously we talk to those we like and feel comfortable with but shouldn't everyone try to talk...
A. 18 June 2016: I guess it depends from the size of the event. I have been to corporate dinners and parties where the attendance was 200 or 300 people, it's just not feasible to make small talk with everybody even if it's all people that know each other at least ... (read in full...)
What is my Bf's mother's problem? I try to be nice and friendly and she is horrible back to me.
Q. I went to visit my boyfriend (23). First thing she says is your eating at this time, looking down on me. She is then silent. I felt awkward. So I tried to start a friendly conversation. I said my sister got 3 kittens to look after. She said how...
A. 18 June 2016: Maybe you aren't enough of a good actress.
You loathe the woman, you can't stand her. You even resent her for getting up too early for your tastes in her own house.
I am sure you will have your own good reasons to dislike her, ... but the ... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 18 June 2016: The only unreasonable thing was that you stayed ten years in a clandestine relationship before getting sick and tired of your backstreet girl position. Don't tell me that you really believed , after maybe the first couple of years,... that he was ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid or is my husband a cheater?
Q. I have been married for over 25 years, but am currently separated from my husband due to various issues. One of the issues is suspected cheating, which my husband denies. I just wanted to hear other peoples perspective on this, as my husbands...
A. 18 June 2016: " Then he became physically abusive ".
That's the clincher.
OP .. do you have to CARE ? If really cheated on you, if his therapist actually gave him that advice, if he thinks you are crazy or guilty ??...
In your shoes I would not waste on... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me to be a good girl while he is overseas on a trip?
Q. My boyfriend is travelling overseas to visit his family. He just texted me before boarding the plane saying he will miss me and that he'd see me in a few weeks. Then he told me to be a good girl for him while he is gone. That he will be a go...
A. 18 June 2016: Yeah, he was tryng to be cute. Or witty.
It does not mean anything, it's a way of saying. A rather common joke . " Behave ": "Don't do anything that I would not do ". I've heard it- and said it- so many times.
... (read in full...)
Lonely in a foreign hospital waiting for medical evacuation to a spinal unit and despite this my Gf is uncaring about the severity of the situation. Time to get rid of the Gf?
Q. I had a motorcycle accident last saturday whilst on holiday where I was initially paralysed from the neck down then recovered feelings. It will be a long term healing process as I struggle to walk, have spine damage etc. I am determined to do what I ...
A. 18 June 2016: Maybe she was just in shock. It's hard to know instantly and instinctively how to respond to such life altering news- one literally does not know what to say. Plus, there are different schools of thought about comforting people in serious distress. ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going on a "men's day out"? no women allowed.
Q. Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going out for the day with his male friends?. He is going out for the day with his male friends this afternoon. He said no women are allowed. He said they go on a day out together every year. He also to...
A. 18 June 2016: The once-a-year man's day sounds like a rather innocuous tradition. If your worry is that in that occasion he might talk to, or be approached by, other women, he does not need to go on a man's day out for that. It could happen any time he goes to ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend telling me lies, when there is no need to do so?
Q. My question is , me and my ex grew apart and decided to be friends this has been a few month and we both moved on. He told me he plans on staying single i said yeah yeah and he replied saying its so much easier to stay single , i will admit he...
A. 16 June 2016: Personally I did not mention any feelings and I thought my answer was clear , but I'll try to rephrase it :
Because even good friends may not feel bound to total disclosure about every little detail of their life, and do not want have to expl... (read in full...)
Why is my friend telling me lies, when there is no need to do so?
Q. My question is , me and my ex grew apart and decided to be friends this has been a few month and we both moved on. He told me he plans on staying single i said yeah yeah and he replied saying its so much easier to stay single , i will admit he...
A. 16 June 2016: Just because you are in friendly terms, not necessarily he must feel comfortable sharing every detail of his life with you . You have already shown a ( well meant, no doubt ) inclination to micromanage his love life, insisting for him to go on ... (read in full...)
How do I bring up that I'm interested in a casual relationship with no sex?
Q. First things first, I must establish that I'm interested in getting married in the next 4-5 years, but I'm currently busy on placement in another state. I will eventually have to return either to my home state or move to another country for work, ...
A. 15 June 2016: Define " make out a little ". What would you like to do exactly ?
If this is an euphemism for " abstaining from penetrative sex, but engaging in other sexual acts conducive to physical release ", I think any " casual relationship " column of a... (read in full...)
Breaking up and I've developed a crush on another guy already. Is my idea of moving on viable or a terrible idea?
Q. I need opinions... So my husband and I are ending things. For our own personal reasons. My husband was and is emotionally abusive and can't seem to change. We have a mutual friend that we both just starting hanging around. I, ( knowing th...
A. 15 June 2016: Bad idea .
Why must the choice be between living 4 hours away and living with this guy ?
Why can't you simply stay where you are , and live alone, or if you cannot afford it, share a place with (female ) roommates ? ... (read in full...)
My friend is trying to sabotage a budding relationship with a guy I like
Q. Not sure where to start but I guess some background information is a good way to go. Typical start to any of these questions but.. So there's this guy, and he's perfect. The problem doesn't lie with him, it lies with my friend. My friend, 3 y...
A. 15 June 2016: Maybe I am wrong, but I feel that girl's code does not apply here. This guy is not your friend's ex, and not even one she had an unrequited crush on since forever. He is just a guy that she happened to kiss once , 3 years ago, when she was drunk.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriends mom is overbearing. She follows him around?? Need help!
Q. We are both 23. He lives with his mother who has been out of a job for the past year. When I am there (23) and we are in his room she calls his name every 30 mins to do something for her. Its obvious he finds it annoying but he is always polite and ...
A. 15 June 2016: Ah these pesky Italian mothers ! what a nuisance they are ,lol !
Look, obviously for whatever reason there's not much love lost between you and your MIL, so it's best to keep away and minimize the occasions of conflict. And, going beyond the ste... (read in full...)
My Bf has developed an interest in larger size women. I don't know how to respond to him about this. What are my options?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. We're very open with each other sexually and emotionally, however a couple of months ago I noticed he had striked an interest in larger women (ie following Instagram and Twitter accounts...
A. 15 June 2016: I agree wholeheartedly with YouWish.
Life is simple, at the end of the day . There are things that one can do and other things that one can't.
A person in a committed relationship cannot be on dating sites sniffing around for other women ( ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? Should I persist and continue with this relationship?
Q. Hello, I have a lot going on in my life right now. I just got a new job that I love and my youngest just graduated from high school and is leaving the nest soon. I also started dating a new guy. He is very handsome, sweet and is in good shape. I like...
A. 13 June 2016: You are not selfish enough ! After a couple of weeks, you are on a mission to make a man happy who basically you don't even know, ... totally disregarding what makes you happy, or at least comfortable.
Talk is cheap. " I want a serious rela... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that we have finished for good?
Q. Should I tell my boyfriend that we have finished for good?. We have been in an on/off relationship for eight months. When he was 20, he had a couple of one night stands with women in their 40's and then had one other girlfriend before me, which was ...
A. 12 June 2016: @ anon female reader : I see what you mean, and anyway all opinions are valid so it's fine, and useful, to offer our posters different perspectives on their problem. Yet I would like to motivate why I disagree with you and, tbh, I think in fact ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that we have finished for good?
Q. Should I tell my boyfriend that we have finished for good?. We have been in an on/off relationship for eight months. When he was 20, he had a couple of one night stands with women in their 40's and then had one other girlfriend before me, which was ...
A. 12 June 2016: In short , yes you should.
It does not seem as this relationship is making / can make either of you happy. You keep going in circles because you both resist letting go ( maybe fear of the unknown ? fear of loneliness ? ) but I think you both real... (read in full...)
Are there people who just break up and feel happy and relieved and never think twice about their ex again?
Q. After being together for 2.5 years, I've finally beoken up with him yesterday. He called me last night thinking that I was just 'acting up'. As soon as I heard that he was still out, supposedly driving home at 1am, I didn't want to talk and ...
A. 11 June 2016: I honestly don't get you. You broke up with him twice. Yesterday and today. You confirmed him that you were not acting up, that you were adamant in breaking up, and that you did not want to hear from him any more.
What was he supposed to do ? To ... (read in full...)
When I asked for what I need and in response he broke up with me. How do I get over this?
Q. My bf broke with me unexpectedly Last week we were texting and after a couple of months of being in a relationship and me doing everything he wants The second I asked for some one on one time he had the epiphany that we don't see things eye t...
A. 11 June 2016: I think we talked about this already , pardon if I'll repeat my point of view.
When you say that there was no reason , or that he gave you no reason, for the breakup ,you are actually just saying that there was no reason that you can LIKE or find... (read in full...)
What were his true intentions? Did I do something wrong? Should I try to contact him again?
Q. I met a guy online who seemed pretty nice. He was very handsome, polite, and a complete gentleman. I didn't want to seem desperate so I would wait for him to contact me first, plus I was taught that if a man is interested, he should make the firs...
A. 11 June 2016: He just wanted to get laid - ( and the fact that you followed him home by the second date might have given him the impression that this was going to happen pretty soon ).
It did not happen by the ritual third date and he obviously did not have eno... (read in full...)
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