A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just got engaged yesterday. We had talked about it for a while before hand so I knew it was going to happen... I just didn't know when! Anyhow my fiance and I had just booked a months holiday to California so we were going to secretly elope in the Nevada desert while there and have a celebration party when we got back - just something casual. Neither of us enjoy a big fuss. Anyway when BF asked my dad for permission, my dad insisted on helping out with the wedding and said he'd always wanted to give his daughters away. So we have extended our elopement idea now to include immediate family. However my parents are separated and they have never met each others partners. I don't know how to broach it with them. My dad's GF is quite socially awkward and I think she's jealous of my mum. I don't want it to be awkward but I think she's the type of person to get offended if I didn't invite the partners. What should I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 The whole point of an elopement is that you do it without asking anyone’s “permission.” You sneak off and get married without anyone you know there.
So, as your fiance and father have tanked that idea by changing your plan from eloping into a small wedding, ask your father how he wants to handle the girlfriend question.
Presumably your parents are grownups and capable of conducting themselves civilly at a wedding, right? The unknowns are their new partners. I would throw this back onto Dad to sort out. “Dad, as you have changed our plans to a wedding, I’m going to leave it to you to figure out how to manage introducing your partners to each other. I expect this should happen before the wedding. I can set up a little dinner beforehand but you’re the one who will need to figure this out.”
“Mom, we are getting married soon, and I think it would be a good idea for you and Dad to sort out how to navigate the etiquette surrounding meeting each other’s partners. Our first inclination was to elope but that wasn’t popular with Dad.”
“Mom, Dad, if you can’t figure out how to manage the situation that both of you and your partners, if you and they are amenable, are included in our wedding, then we will have to go back to plan A and elope.”
This shouldn’t be your problem to solve. I would set that responsibility back on Dad’s shoulders and Mom’s as well. If they try to put you in the middle, politely back out and let them sort it.
You can always go back to eloping if they are incapable of acting like mature civil adults.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2016):
 We "eloped" to las vegas... we invited who we wanted and took everyone out to dinner after the wedding. We did not have a tacky wedding at all even at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel.
We made tons of introductions at the wedding as many of the folks there did not know the others. Everyone was fine.
I would invite everyone and assume they can all behave like adults for a bit.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 You invite the partners, and I assume you will be seating people at round tables of .... say 10? Mum and new partner, Dad and new partner, grooms mum and dad, 1 set of grandparents both sides, and they all act like adults. If no grandparents then you sit somebody there who your dad's partner is comfortable with, if there is somebody available, otherwise she just takes her chances.
If there are no siblings to be invited, sit yourself and the groom with the mob as above, if there are siblings, or a younger group then you and the groom can sit with them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 Technically immediate family means your mom and your dad. In your place I 'd just invite them , without partners. Also because if it is supposed to be an elopement, -you should try to keep the number of attending people down to the barest possible minimum... 8 people feels more like a mas prison break than an elopement, lol !
Anyway, if you are not brave enough to risk displeasing your quasi-stepparents, no big deal . Bring them all along.
They are all adults, and I bet they know this is about YOU not about them. I don't think you plan to send them vacationing all together around USA; all they have got to do is to act civil for the short time of a Las Vegas ceremony. Add a bridal lunch or dinner... it will be a couple of hours . Everybody can stay on their best behaviour for 2 hours, particularly for a good cause :):
If your Dad's Gf is jealous of your mom- then she is, too bad for her. Maybe she won't have the best time ever at your wedding, but most probably neither she will take this chance to have a nice catfight !, which is all you need to avoid. The rest, is not really your problem. Focus on your big day and the start of your new life, not on what X or Y may think or feel !
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