A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Does every relationship get so boring that there is no excitement anymore and it feels like you are just friends?When I was first with my boyfriend I wouldn't say I was infatuated or obsessed but I liked him a lot. That lasted for about a year but since then, things have been really boring. We are both 20 and this past year together to me has felt really monotonous and boring. I'm not sure if he feels the same but the thing is I'm not unhappy or anything, I just feel like the relationship is adequate.My mum said that not every relationship is meant to be really passionate and that she would rather I had something stable but is that really all there is?I know it sounds selfish but I don't want to end our relationship if this is literally all their is and every relationship ends up feeling like this anyway. I just need some other peoples' opinions on their relationships - are they still exciting after 2 years? Are they as boring as mine is? Do you feel really attracted to each other still and do you struggle to keep your hands off of one another?I don't want to make a mistake and regret it for the rest of my life when I can't find someone better so I just want to know if there is all there is. Reply to this Question
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reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 Not very relationship becomes boring. I think it mostly has to do with compatibility and/or whether or not the two of you have become too comfortable within your relationship to even try to do the small things that will bring back a bit of that spark. Rule #1 is never to become too comfortable because that's often when things become too boring.
Why not try to do something new together or try to do something sweet for each other just to bring back feelings of love and appreciation if that is what is missing. Try to go somewhere new or eat somewhere new. Maybe you're just all too familiar to each other, so much so that there isn't any spontaneity left . . . ?
I think that you guys may have just let all the fun escape your relationship in the small little ways and now you're feeling as though there's not much else left. It's good to remember though that the love is still the foundation of your relationship and that's the important part because without it, you'd just be wasting your time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Well, yes, it is perfectly natural for relationships to settle. But to become boring is another thing altogether.I think that although it is important to find a good friend and life partner with whom you are compatible with for the long term, it is also important to find somebody whom you are sexually attracted to and have chemistry with for the long term. I believe a strong emotional connection does sustain and fuel the sexual connection over time. Without a strong emotional bond, the sexual bond in time will fade. The novelty wear off sex with the same person over time and you will need something deeper and more lasting to keep you together. That does not mean you stop having sex or experiencing sexual fireworks, it only means the fireworks are different. But still there nonetheless.If that sexual compatibility fades within a year or two, then prospects for a long term relationship do look bleak. Sexual compatibility is very important. Too many people overlook that in favour of finding somebody who is just compatible. And not necessarily compatible sexually. Hence, why many affairs occur.And if you are bored only this short a time into the relationship, then I would say it is not going to be a long term match for you.But perhaps also look at your own expectations and what it is that you might be lacking instead of the partner you choose.You are young. You are not settled in life. You have much growing and experiencing to do yourself. So, obviously you are not ready to settle. Perhaps as you mature and have more experience, you will see that there is more to relationships. They should not become boring though. They are ever changing. And the work you put in is what you get out of it. Both of you.I would also venture to say that if you were not obsessed or infatuated with him to begin with, he might not be the best choice for you. You might have settled for him from the start. Because most people are infatuated or obsessed with the object of their desire out of the starting gate. We are bombarded by crazy chemicals in our body which tell us we cannot get enough of this person. If you did not feel that, I do think he might have been more like a friend or maybe you were too focused on finding a guy or getting into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship instead of really FALLING for him?Either way, if you are comfortable, maybe you can bring this up with him and see if he feels the same way. If you care about each other enough, maybe you can find ways to make things less boring and perhaps reconnect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): It's normal. The first year or two is the honeymoon period.. where you can't keep your hands off each other. I've been with my partner for 10 years. We went through that stage and the spontaneous romance, the butterflies and the knots in our stomachs have gone.. but what we now have is this deep love and a deep friendship.. and so many memories. Falling in love, it's a chemical thing. Those feelings you're talking about, they do wear off. I think a lot of people that have affairs, they're looking to have that feeling again. If you leave your boyfriend, you'll find those feelings again with someone else.. but once they start to fade, which is only natural.. and the relationship becomes more comfortable.. you may be left with nothing. It's the risk you take. I personally, even though we're not exciting like we used to be, couldn't imagine my life without my man by my side. He's my soul mate. It's different now, but we're happy and we've outlasted all our friends who have chased lust or been through divorces and are getting married for a third time. We choose to be together every day because we're best friends and it just doesn't feel right without the other. So, my answer is, yes, you do lose some of the sparks over time.. but what you should have is a deeper friendship and connection. Those things are what last a lifetime :)
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A
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 After only a year? I would not say that is the "norm", but each relationship is different.
What exactly is it that's boring? Is it that you two don't do things together, just sit and play on your phones in each other's company? Or is it that you don't feel excited at the prospect of seeing him?
If it's the first, then make a plan to change it up. Get out of the house, try new things together.
IF it's the latter, it's a little harder because affection, love is not something you can "just" develop.
So you DO need to figure out WHAT you are bored about and WHAT you can try to "fix" it. A relationship doesn't run itself, it DOES require work. It's like a lawn at the golf-course, it needs tending, cutting, watering etc.
You are 18-21, and often time what you want in a partner at 16-18 is NOT what you want at 25 or 35, etc. And I agree if you weren't over the moon about him to begin with, it's hard for that to happen, at all.
Relationships DO change over the years, and if you do nothing they do fall apart slowly.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 No. Certainly not. Not every romantic relationship becomes boring or brotherly , and definitely not after only one year !
Although I must say that relationships where , after 20 years together, you still can't keep your hands off each other, or your heart skips a bit when getting together after a short absence seem to belong more to literature and rom-coms than to real life... that does not mean that
" boring " , monotonous ,yawn-inducing is part and parcel of every relationship.
I think that after a while it is normal if physical passion cools down and turns from a vivid flame to, at best, a slow burn, and that in general you can't get that wildly curious and excited... about someone you know like the the back of your hand; still it does not mean that when the novelty wears off and you get comfortable with each other, boredom and indifference HAVE to set in. If you find the right person , you start interested, and you stay interested, although in a different way.
To give you a stupid example but right now I can't come up with anything better and I hope it will be clear enough :
I am a fan of classic thrillers : ... Agata Christie... Rex Stout ... EdMcBain ... stuff like that. I have read all of their novels, more than once. Of course at your 20th or 30th Agatha Christie your excitement and anticipation in reading will be less that at your 2nd or 3rd. And of course when you re-read a whodunit, you aren't there with bated breath , waiting to be surprised, because you already know what's going to happen and who's the culprit. It does not matter ; the pleasure of reading is still there , just in a different form. It may feel less gripping, less exciting. Nevertheless it is still a fulfilling , rewarding experience, one you always look forward too with gusto even if you know you won't be surprised.
But, you loved the genre, and/or you loved the author, and this is not going to go away if it was a real passion to begin with :)
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