A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is 40 (me) and 43 (my husband) too old to have a baby? We both have kids from previous relationships but I would really love for us to have a child together. He has hinted that he thinks we're too old. I don't. We have talked briefly about it at the start of our relationship, and agreed to keep options open for future discussion. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 You can still have a child after 40 as long as biology allows it however the health of your baby could be compromised not to mention the long list of possible complications you might be faced with . . . it's up to you whether you want to run the risk or not.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 From the country of older moms :)- of course it is technically possible to have a child in your 40s ,- my mom was born when her mother was 43 and sure way back then they had no IVF or FIVET or whatnot to give nature a little push. And with or without push, surely moms in their 40s are far from unheard of. As for that I even knew a 52 y.o. new mom ! ( the usual story- she thought it was menopause, and, instead, surprise surprise ).
But saying that something can happen, and does happen, is not necessarily saying that it is always the best idea to make it happen.
Particularly if you both already had children and already had ( and have ) the parenthood experience.
- The odds of genetic defects and malformations increase hugely after 40. Ditto for complicances during pregnancy and at chidbirth.
- You may feel, and be, a healthy , active 40something, but having , and raising , children requires a monstrous level of energy that's more compatible with younger years and younger stamina. You could be a 40 something woman that exercises one hour at the gym without even breaking a sweat- and it's still very different from the exhausting ,unrelenting committment of being on call night and day for an unforeseen period of time.
I am not saying that you CAN'T do it, of course you can. We are not talking about building the Pyramids by yourself, after all. Just, do not assume that it's going to be the same effort level of when you were 20 or 30.
- Economics. I don't know about you, but many couples look forward to an early retirement, or also a regular age retirement , as a period in which they will finally be financially unencumbered and will be able to have less money worries and committments, and hopefully to spoil and pamper themselves a bit. Add a new entry to your family, and what with costs of higher education, the higher average length of kids staying with parents, the higher costs for a young person to find their way in the world and become independent and get settled, you'll be working, and helping out, till the cows come home.
Last but not least, and that's strictly my personal opinion , not a proven fact, but might as well adding my 2 cents : having kids is like getting married, it only really works and gives satisfaction when BOTH people are wildly enthusiastic about it and BOTH can't wait to make it happen. If either one is coldish about the idea, or worse, against it,.. well yes, you can convince them and make them come around but, you know ?, ... it should not be that way, it should not feel thet way. It should be a joyful, spontaneous urge from the heart of BOTH of you. When it's not like that, it may very possibly lead to disappointments, hidden resentments and emotional distance.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 You are too old when you can no longer conceive or carry a baby until full term. If you get pregnant and have a baby, then no matter what age you are, you were obviously not too old.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2016): Don't think there is a age limited, at any age things can go wrong with pregnancies etc, but before you start go get your fsh levels checked, lots of people are having children later in life, I think 40s is the limited, once your in your 50s your heading for the years of having gran kids and not babies. Personally I would go for it if that's what you want, and your a financially stable then good luck, it's your life.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 Age wise no, but biologically...personally I would not want to run the risk.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 Go to your doctor and ask them what they think, but most importantly talk it out with your husband to see if he actually wants another baby..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 No way of knowing. It is different for every woman. Look at Italy, they have some of the "oldest" moms in Europe and they seem to do JUST fine, however... Italians also (in general) have a HUGE safety net in friends and family, if not the whole "village".
Would I personally have kids at 40+ ? no. I DID have kids late, my 3rd and youngest were born a week after I turned 35, and the first a week before I turned 31. I don't regret having kids in my 30's over my 20's - but I don't think I would have any more kids in my 40's.
I think the notion "new lion, new cub" (basically new partner so new baby to share) is not always needed, specially if you BOTH have kids from previous relationships. How many all together? Do you have time for ALL of them AND dealing with what CAN be a difficult pregnancy ?
Though, that is ME and MY personal choice.
It might work perfectly for you two. I'd talk to your doctor and perhaps a fertility expert. BUT... it's something you BOTH need to be on the same page with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): The first thing to do is to talk to your doctor about pregnancy at an older age. The second is to recognize that a fellow in his 40s may not want to be doing carpools to elementary school or high school into his 50s and paying college tuition instead of saving for his retirement in his 60s. You both are parents already, so presumably you know all the things that being a parent at this age entails. One of my friends just divorced her husband after having a child late in their marriage; they have teenagers already, and somehow the stress of raising a toddler when the other two are in high school seems to have tanked the marriage. There may have been fracture lines already in the marriage that we don't know about but having the toddler around certainly did not help.Is having the child together something that you feel will bond you more? Are you feeling maternal? What is it that he feels unfinished for you? I think you two need to have a long series of discussions about it, be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear, and be open to the idea that you may not have another child. So talk to your doctor first, see if it's even really an option for you. And then talk. U2 are a couple you should be able to discuss things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): Based on a biological perspective, I would say that you are too old - there is more chance for the pregnancy to be difficult and for the baby to be born with disorders. However, if you are hell bent on having a child together, I would be thinking about doing it as soon as possible... Have you seen your doctor about it? Just make sure that you are both on the same page re. having a baby :)
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