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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What were his true intentions? Did I do something wrong? Should I try to contact him again?
Q. I met a guy online who seemed pretty nice. He was very handsome, polite, and a complete gentleman. I didn't want to seem desperate so I would wait for him to contact me first, plus I was taught that if a man is interested, he should make the firs...
A. 11 June 2016: He just wanted to get laid - ( and the fact that you followed him home by the second date might have given him the impression that this was going to happen pretty soon ).
It did not happen by the ritual third date and he obviously did not have eno... (read in full...)
Do I wait for the new guy to make up his mind? or go back to Mr Wrong?
Q. So, my (verbally abusive) boyfriend of 2 years and I finally called it off. A few months later, I reconnect with and re-fall for this brilliant, kind, handsome guy who I used to be *very friendly* with in high school. Happy ending? Nope! He decides ...
A. 11 June 2016: The other ladies are right : a big, resounding neither.
One is verbally abusive and you shared love but also a lot of grief : who wants to invite grief at your age ?! ( or at any age as for that- it's just that at 18-21 you have tons of time in f... (read in full...)
How does a 17 year old boy find a girl to date or for a relationship in my culture?
Q. I'm a 17 year old boy, until now i haven't meet a girl or been in a relationship, i don't know how to find a girl, sometimes thinking about it stresses me, i'm from northern of iraq (in Kurdistan) I'm in a boy's school, so where should i go and w...
A. 10 June 2016: My previous answer was removed, and, although I could not see why, I am a good sport, and I would not have insisted in giving my unwanted opinion, if I did not feel that the well meant answers he is receiving are not only ineffective but can ... (read in full...)
He seems to be taking it slow, but I worry he might be messing me around!
Q. Hi I this will be a pretty long winded post so please bare with me. :) I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months now. This is the longest I have been involved with a guy since my first ever boyfriend I was with for almost 2 years. The guy ...
A. 10 June 2016: I think you should talk to an ,and ask him what's the plan. 4 months is not so terribly early to ask, it would not sound desperate. He might not want the same as you do, but I think yours would be a legitimate question anyway, not a desperate ... (read in full...)
Is the guy married or not? I think yes...
Q. My sister fell for a guy who turns out to be married and wanted nothing to do with him. He wore a wedding ring, posted photos of him and his wife on FB until a month and a half ago, which is when he really started to woo her. He lives in ano...
A. 10 June 2016: Actually I was not thinking of a private eye, hiring whom would be rather expensive, I suppose.
I was referring to an online background check, that is commonly performed by several companies in USA and in some European countries; I don't know... (read in full...)
Do women feel extra sexy during their periods?
Q. Is it true that when women are on their periods they are sexually high / their sex drive is high at this point? Like few days before the periods, on periods and just after the periods gets over. Does it happens that they dress in a way that they lo...
A. 10 June 2016: Apparently it's not true, they don't.
All studies,but one, about this ( correlation between libido peaks and menstrual phases ) show that there's a libido peak at mid-cycle, at ovulation time. During periods is when they fell less sexy.
The ... (read in full...)
Hasty marriage breaking me
Q. Hi, I am from India and I am dealing with huge amount of stress due to a series of events since the last few months. I was in a long distance relationship since three years with the guy whom I married in January. We were not exactly a couple madly ...
A. 10 June 2016: Well... see the glass half full- if he is already so much in debt for paying for a small intimate wedding , imagine what a disaster for your financial future it would have been paying for the big wedding of your dreams ! It seems a case of ... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 10 June 2016: Wait a minute. Define " gifts ".
You are the rose-petals gentleman , right ?
I remember you mentioning that you brough this lady a plastic bag with rose petals, which she did not seem to appreciate . I don't remember you mentioning anything... (read in full...)
Worried I'm on the wrong side of college secretary
Q. Hello...I need advise I recently got into a squabble with the secretary in my university. You see in my university whenever a semester starts we have the option to request a class to be offered in that semester instead of the regular semester, this ...
A. 10 June 2016: Yes, I'd tell your dad to go ahead full blast. It's not just about you. If this secretary acted in such an unexcusable way with you, she might be doing it again any time with other students and that needs to be nipped in the bud. She needs to be ... (read in full...)
Does this older man like me back?
Q. I can't work out if this man likes me or is just being friendly. I met this man as a client as I used his home improvement company to do up my house. He is always very flirty and friendly. Lately I have seen him pop up everywhere and I mean ...
A. 10 June 2016: Oh yes he does ! Free repairs ? he is happy to help out a single mom on a budget ?... yeah right.
I bet he has among his clients various other people who are not that rich and could use too a little free help,... old retired ladies on a smal... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my girlfriend had her phone with her in the bathroom?
Q. My girlfriend had her phone with her in the bathroom today. We were having sex and afterwards, she had to use the bathroom. I waited for her outside the bathroom because I had to go. And I saw she came out with her phone. I did not say anything and ...
A. 10 June 2016: Her explanation is perfectly plausible , but I am surprised that she felt the need to volunteer an explanation,and/ or that you thought an explanation was in order.
Why could not she bring her phone in the bathroom at times, for a score of diff... (read in full...)
I can't believe my husband would even consider moving in with female roommates! Am I overreacting?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, My husband moved to the USA recently and got an unpaid intern position for about 6 months. At the moment he is staying with his cousin but is looking for a place for himself. Yesterday he's been telling me that he has been...
A. 10 June 2016: I see the opinions are divided on this. Personally I think you are overreacting. It's not such a big deal to share a house with members of the opposite gender, it happens all the time im big cities. There may be concerns of time, money and ... (read in full...)
Is the guy married or not? I think yes...
Q. My sister fell for a guy who turns out to be married and wanted nothing to do with him. He wore a wedding ring, posted photos of him and his wife on FB until a month and a half ago, which is when he really started to woo her. He lives in ano...
A. 10 June 2016: If he was married one and a half month ago, he IS married.
Sure, in some places divorce is a very quick matter, but.. one and a half month ? I doubt it. And they should have filed the same day he started courting your sister.
She could r... (read in full...)
I want my Bf back. How can I attempt to achieve that aim?
Q. I want my ex boyfriend back , when i first met my ex there was something special there and i felt so comfortable with him as tho i had known him years . But after our first meet he kept cancelling we had a break and decided to try again but agai...
A. 9 June 2016: I am not sure that I understood correctly but if you mean that you only met him once and then he started immediately pulling back, cancelling and making excuses, then he wasn't actualy your boyfriend, was he ?
He was, worst case scenario, a scam... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 9 June 2016: You offer the presents back . Then it will be up to her taking them back or telling you, never mind, you can keep them.... (read in full...)
Exhausted ! What can I do? My Bf's video game playing wakes me up several times during the night.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living for 5 months together now, and almost a year together. Our relationship has honestly been a lot of ups an downs, and the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to ...
A. 9 June 2016: Of course you can ask as many questions as you want ! Nobody is challenging or questioning your right to post any time you have a relationship issue- should that be even once a day. In fact, the more questions we get, the better is for DC.
Ther... (read in full...)
Have I ruined things by telling this girl that I'm autistic? And inviting her to have coffee? Things are now awkward between us
Q. I told a girl at work who I'm friends with. That I'm autistic and that I sometimes find it difficult to communicate people with people and to read people for example. Before I did a very stupid and foolish thing by asking if she wanted to meet for...
A. 8 June 2016: I am not sure I got the timeline right, but I suppose that " I haven't heard back from her in a couple of days " means that you messaged her a couple of days ago and she has not responded yet.
Let her be. Let her get settled,let her adju... (read in full...)
Can I do more for her? And if yes then what else could I do or offer to do?
Q. Well Hello again Aunts and Uncles... Im currently in a situation that Im Happy and Upset at the sametime, as you may know Im currently living with my girlfriend (since January) in my Parents house till she finishes her internship my dad offered ...
A. 8 June 2016: If it's just for the summer, like, you just have finished your school year and you'll be starting again in September or whenever, sure, why not. Kudoos to your gf for using her summer to complete an internship, but surely it's not mandatory for ... (read in full...)
Did my jealousy push him away? Did I cause him to cheat?
Q. First this is going to be long I'm sorry --I have been dating a guy for a year. He is a very loving affectionate, thoughtful guy who is in constant contact and we see eachother every night. I pretty much live with him. I was cheated by my past ex so ...
A. 8 June 2016: No, it was not your fault that he cheated on you.
The choice of cheating is ultimately always on the cheater, no matter what the cheater's partner does. Why ? because there's always an alternative, and better, choice. Even if a guy has the girl... (read in full...)
Have I ruined things by telling this girl that I'm autistic? And inviting her to have coffee? Things are now awkward between us
Q. I told a girl at work who I'm friends with. That I'm autistic and that I sometimes find it difficult to communicate people with people and to read people for example. Before I did a very stupid and foolish thing by asking if she wanted to meet for...
A. 8 June 2016: I feel that most responders, and you too, OP , sort of assume that she is cold shouldering you because you told her about your autism.
It could be ( and thanks to the mom of the 11 y.o. kid for pointing out that anyway that would not make her ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her Bf what she is like?
Q. A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...
A. 8 June 2016: There's a simpler solution : avoid her. Give her a wide berth. Stay away from her. Cut her off. Don't talk to her, don't answer her calls or texts.
If she tried loads with you, and even tried to kiss you, it means she had the opportunity to be a... (read in full...)
Does it seem that this type of man would love a girl of this nature? What's the attraction?
Q. Can this guy really be deeply in love with this girl? I have a college classmate/group member who I kind of have a crush on, but his relationshiup with his girlfriend is kind of questionable. Had a friend ask him if he has a girlfriend, and ...
A. 7 June 2016: Oh yes, he can be in love. Love is not always wise or prudent, and people fall in love with persons that can look like improbable matches to the outside observer.
Maybe they are happy with not having a " deep " relationship- just a norm... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: Edit : it is NOT weird asking about their plans... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: I think , instead , that you are overreacting, quite a lot.
Of course, admittedly, I wasn't there to hear your conversations and you may have picked off from him verbal and non verbal cues which justify your level of worry and unease. But if I ha... (read in full...)
Why is my Bf refusing to tell me why he wants a tracking device?
Q. Hi, first all thanks for reading this. My bf of 2 years suddenly asked me about a gps tracking device that he knows I had in the past. I told him I don't have it with me. It is in my locker ( work locker) and I asked what do you need for that ...
A. 7 June 2016: I would like to point out that the bf did not call the OP " stupid ". He said he was being stupid for asking her rather than a pal. It's a bit different. Bad attitude, but not verbal abuse.
I tend to concur with Chigirl, anyway.
Not to defen... (read in full...)
Any tips to ensure things can progress positively between this girl and I?
Q. Hey, Basically I'm a bit of an idiot when I'm drunk lol I messaged a girl that I think is attractive when I got home one night and asked if I could take her out on a date, we got chatting for a bit and she said yes. Sounds great, but the t...
A. 7 June 2016: Well, there is no law that says that you must text a girl every single day, but, if you have the time, and she is responsive and seems to dig it, what's the big deal ?! It could turn to your advantage, in fact; contact may help starting to get to ... (read in full...)
Is there a bias to the answers here?
Q. I was wondering why aunts and uncles are more willing to answer questions that are related to below belly button , thresum, Fwb, F buddies, but are less likely to help on some serious questions regarding other issues? Have we gotten some preferences ...
A. 7 June 2016: I would be curious first of all to know which the serious questions would be. Could you give us an example of what qualifies, in your opinion, as a serious question ?
This is a romance and relationship advice site , for the most part , so all ... (read in full...)
Dumped and I don't know why
Q. My bf of six months just broke up with me and I am devasted - to begin with I don't know how to deal with the fact that I am turning 30 in three months and still alone- he broke up over a text message because we don't see things eye to eye- meaning ...
A. 7 June 2016: He DID tell you why . Because he's got 300k to pay back - implying that he needs time to work or hustle to get eventually debt free ; because he's got to fix things around the house, and because he can't , in fact won't , stop his life for you.
... (read in full...)
Are his drunk words a red flag or simply a mistake?
Q. I'm dating someone I met online. He's normally very level headed and very good to me. But yesterday he posted a Facebook status while drunk which bothers me. It said "I f***ing hate it when one can't close out" which I believe he means he couldn't ...
A. 6 June 2016: Strange expression. It is true that , in a bar, you open, or run, a tab, and then you close it out, but... why would they not let you close it ? When you close it, that's when they get paid, I 'd think they would have no objections to that.
I don'... (read in full...)
What would be causes of concern if your new BF said he had never dated before?
Q. So, I just started dating a guy, and I really like him. He is 29, dorky, cute, kind, compassionate, and we share a lot of the same interests. He is definitely a bit awkward. He confessed that he'd never been in a relationship before. When I as...
A. 6 June 2016: Yes, I'd keep my eyes open. Without paranoia or prejudice, just... attention to the details, let's say. If someone reaches nearly his 30s without ever having had a relationship- it always means something. It does not necessarily mean something ... (read in full...)
Is our friendship over or am I just being paranoid?
Q. I have a friendship dilemma and don't know what to do for the best on it. I'll explain, basically I'm friends with a female at work, she's kind natured and tries to make the time for me when she isn't busy or hasn't got things on. The other day she ...
A. 5 June 2016: Poor OP :) he is getting rapped on his knuckles for posting the same question 3 times... but he is not doing anything different from other repeat posters ,some of whom posted,and are posting, the same question, every now and then, even 10, 20 ... (read in full...)
I'm not feeling emotionally strong anymore. I keep getting hurt in this relationship. So what can I do?
Q. my life is a mess. a ' friend' and i decided to be more that just friends i dont see him much at all even tho he only lives 10 miles away . the thing is he always lets people down . the thing that hurt so much is he let me down last minute hes done ...
A. 4 June 2016: It seems he is back pedaling about being a couple... anyway repeatedly cancelling plans last minute with flimsy excuses is just plain rude, whomever you do it to: partner, friend or lover. I think you should waste no more tears on him and not even ... (read in full...)
We have a child yet he won't commit
Q. Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now we have a 1 yr old daughter the problem is that as far as our relationship is going to go he wants no more children and marriage he won't even discuss he says he scared I've asked him about ...
A. 4 June 2016: Uhm, I dunno... although I can't disagree with Eddie, what he says makes certainly sense ,and divorce rate is incredibly high nowadays,... I admit that I have a gloomier view of the matter.
In all honesty, I think that if someone in an appa... (read in full...)
Have I lost a friend or just worrying about something over nothing?
Q. Before I start and before anyone on here gets the wrong end of the stick and jumps to conclusions. I am friends with a female at work yes a female, and let me be clear. I don't have feelings for her or love this person, she is just a friend. Now th...
A. 4 June 2016: Missing sorely someone who got away is alas a supercommon experience of life, sooner or later it will happen to everybody, and, you are right, it does not have to be a romantic interest, it can also be a friend or a coworker, someone who for some ... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong in this relationship?
Q. MOD NOTE: THis has been posted previously, OP wants more answers Hi, I am in a predicament... I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago, I feel like for 7 months I bent over backwards for him and tolerated a lot of things from him to the p...
A. 4 June 2016: What you are doing wrong, IMO, is , first, the very fact of bending over backwards and tolerating a lot of things that you normally would not just for the sake of hopefully keeping a guy tied to you. It reeks of weakness and begets, ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend is always too busy. Do I end things?
Q. I have been in a long distant relationship for 9 months and he lives in the same country as me. Up to the first 8 months, he used to make time for me and always would message me. However, recently he has started to message me less and he would ...
A. 4 June 2016: Yes, I think you should break up.
LDRS have a sense and a scope only if they won't stay LDRs indefinitely for who knows how long, and if in the meantime , before either one moves to reach the other, you can visit often and regularly. So that... (read in full...)
Should I call? Should he call? It's been 3 days since we disagreed.
Q. I have been having fights with my boyfriend of over a year for some months now, over trivial issues, and I mostly chalked it up to distance. We made up and quite recently, things were going on fine till he called me and we got into another fight. ...
A. 3 June 2016: In your shoes I would assume that he is NOT going to call and that if you want to resume contact is up to you.
That's what he meant : YOU call me when you are ready to talk because I am not going to call you first.
I have no idea whether ... (read in full...)
His finances are in disarray. What can I do to help him? Is it awful I want to break up with him at this time?
Q. Hello everyone, So I am in a bit of a situation. I am in a 1 1/2 year relationship with a 35 year old man, who I feel is not trying as hard as he should in many aspects in his life. About a year ago, when we first met--I realized he wasn't ...
A. 3 June 2016: No, OpP, it is not awful at all that you want to break up at this time- it would be awful if you allowed yourself any longer to be guilt-tripped and manipulated into taking financial care of an able bodied man who is actually older than you.
... (read in full...)
Have I lost a friend or just worrying about something over nothing?
Q. Before I start and before anyone on here gets the wrong end of the stick and jumps to conclusions. I am friends with a female at work yes a female, and let me be clear. I don't have feelings for her or love this person, she is just a friend. Now th...
A. 3 June 2016: You can sense it will happen because probably it WILL happen. Not trying to be cruel here- just relistic.
This lady is leaving with some famine relief agency, or other charitable organization ; she has a project to develop, and a very hard work... (read in full...)
Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 3 June 2016: Op, beside all the rest....he hit you.
He HIT you !
Yes, it was an abusive relationship !- what else ? when they hit you, it's abuse. How can you even have doubts about this ?
I don't understand why you'd want to stay friends with someone... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend lie to me about spending time with his son? What's going on here?
Q. My boyfriend's son is over on a visit. He has been here for a week. He lives in the Florida and we are in Canada. Now, I am having some trouble figuring something out. Can everyone help me? Before I go insane? My boyfriend was supposed to sp...
A. 2 June 2016: When you spend the day with a visiting adult child, it's not the same as if they were 2 or 3 y.o. and planning to cling to your skirts or trousers all day long. Generally, an adult child will go in and out, back and forth, trying to fit in family ... (read in full...)
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