A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a fwb relationship for 6 months. I knew within the fourth month, I had very deep feelings for him. I have voiced how I feel about him and even explained that he is my fantasy. He was just outta really bad breakup and new to my area. I was recently divorced. Facts are he is everything I look for in a guy. He definatly isn't just sex for me. I love being with him. He makes me happy. He says he likes me alot, but isn't ready for a relationship. He text me/calls me rather frequently. Recently I spent my first night with him. It was amazing just laying beside him all night. I'm faithful, I've had offers for other things, but I only have eyes for him. We work together and can't really be open with our relationship because of our positions. I see/hear of him being flirty with other girls there, I know he talks to others also. Most of time spent is away from work since we hardly even acknowledge each other there. What I need to know is am I in for a bad break? Does this seem promising? I've never had such strong emotion for anyone even in my marriage. New feelings, new situation just need advice, hope someone has an answer.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2013):
 The rule for FWB needs to be ONCE YOU START HAVING FEELINGS for the friend that are deeper than friendship you need to walk away.
You are going to end up heartbroken.
He has told you he just wants FWB, listen to his words. DO NOT assume that just because he's having loving wonderful sex with you that he cares more than as a friend.
I hate to tell you my story in fear that you will gain hope that it can work out, in my case I truly did NOT want anything more than FWB with my LDR/NSA/FWB guy. He was much younger and had never made a commitment and I truly was NOT in a position to offer him more than a distraction from day to day life on an occasional weekend.
He always has stood by his belief that the reason he was able to fall in love with me was because I left him alone and did not want him to care about me that way. I do not believe that you can fake this indifference.
The fact that you WANT him to want you that way will eek out into your behavior no matter how you try to be aloof and not care.
I agree that accepting that this is a temporary fun and games relationship that will end up being NOTHING serious is the only way for you to go. And if you cannot do that, for your own peace of mind you should end it sooner rather than later. DO not hang on with HOPE.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all of u. I guess sometimes the truth just hurts. :'(
I went 2 weeks without speaking to him or even seeing him after an argument we had: he called to apologize explaining how he missed me. I hadn't expected to hear from him again. I suppose it's just best to follow such great advice & let it b. thanks again.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 Hi, if you have told your FWB you have feelings and he has not reciprocated, I suggest you start distancing yourself from this guy as he has made it clear that he is not interested in a relationship with you.
It will be a lot harder when he walks out on you and start a relationship with someone else. As hard as it maybe for you, you need to let this relationship go.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 Hi
He told you he likes you alot but is not ready for a relationship. He is just out of a really bad break up too.
The fact he has told you all this shows he is being honest. He wants NSA sex and that's what he has with you.
One person almost always develops feelings in these arrangements and its normally the woman. That's the way we are wired emotionally, it's why they are best avoided.
If it was me I would do damage limitation, withdraw from this arrangement, find a man who is emotionally available.
This one is not and he has told you that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): Oh honey, sorry but you have to be realistic here. The guy is attracted to you, maybe likes you as a friend, but he made it pretty clear he's not going to be in a relationship with you. The I'm not ready talk is supposed to make it sound like maybe, if you wait, one day he will be ready, but in all honesty, if he doesn't see you as girlfriend material now, he probably won't change his mind later, and regardless of how he feels (or doesn't) about you romantically, waiting around for him to want to commit, while sleeping with him in the meantime, will not make him appreciate or respect you more. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with FWB arrangements, or that they can't grow into anything more, just that guys tend to mean it when they say they don't want a relationship. If by saying you recently spent your first night with him you mean you hadn't slept with him before, good for you, I would suggest getting out of this situation now, otherwise you're probably in for even more of a heartbreak further down the road. Good luck sweetie!
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (24 June 2013):
 I'll try again lol. I am not a big fan of these arrangements because in my eyes they end in heartbreak, usually with one person starting to feel more than the other does. They are based on faulty logic, most people dont and cant repeater sex from emotion, even if it is just physical lust that is still an emotional response. Invariably one person starts to want more than the other is willing to give in 95% of these arrangements, the person who wanted more gets heartbroken and the person who didnt gets exactly what they wanted for a fair time but gets to move on scot free.
I think they can work for a limited time with a certain type of people but these instances are rare and everything has to just be right. In this case, I am a bit skeptical, he obviously doesnt want more else he would be behaving as you are. The fact he isnt tells us all we need to know I am afraid. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (24 June 2013):
It's not impossible that he may start to feel something more for you but while I
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 I have an answer but you won't like it :
I don't know if you are headed for a bad break, but surely you are headed for heartbreak.
You see him as your dream man and surely would see yourself being in a committed relationship with you. He told you that " he is not ready for a relationship ". Which, it is general , well-known code for " I don't want a relationship with YOU " , and in practice it boils down to " I may even enjoy a lot the time I spend with you, yet I want to keep my option open and I am not thinking monogamy at all. " His actions of flirting with girls would confirm that , as much as he likes you, if ( or when ) something appealing shows up on his radar, he won't say no.
Can you play it like that , casual and carefree, till it lasts it lasts , " at-least- I'll- always- have- great- memories ? " Then enjoy . Would you be devastated, pierced to the core if you found out he is bedding, or worse, he is dating another woman ? ... Then protect your heart and back off till it's early days.
I am sorry that my answer certainly does not give you the encouragement that you needed and maybe hoped for. But you see, this may be a new situation for you, in fact it's one of the oldest cliche' of Dear Cupid's repertory : the charming " I am not ready for a relationship " kind of guy.
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