A
female
age
30-35,
*ady in Love
writes:Dear cupids,Over a year now with my biyfriends, most of the advices i took her about out issues was to dump him for leaning towards cheating and for being controlling.To do so i needed to change, and i built more self confidence and thought possitive , i am today stronger than ever, yhanks to you all.I am finally stronge enough to dump him! Yet!!! Even in this he was controlling and minutes ago he told me to live my own life and find my own path because he was never going to be financially capable of handeling me. Knowing that we were supposed to do our engagment party next month.Usually i woukd assure him that i am beside him,and that our love will defeat all, this time i asked us this what you want? He said this is what god wants, so i asked him to relax because he seemed very stressed out, he said he is allready relaxed and is going to sleep so i said good bye.What is killing me now is that i feel that he is weak now and that i should be their for him, because nevertheless of all the possible hurt i was about to deal with if we ever got married, he deserves a friend like me to help him through his bad daysI need to know weither to just disappear or be their as a friend? Knowing that i do have to see him once in a week due to work.Please help, i need it the most this timeThank you so much
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2013):
 YOU deserve to be your own best friend in these stressful times, and to think of you and put yourself first. Take care of YOUR life and happiness, and he'll take care of his own, he's an adult and your ex bf, not your child.
I generally never see much reason to stay friends with an ex. Friendly, civil, if you MUST see each other, sure, of course. Friends, no. Why ? Because generally if you dump somebody is precisely because he has done things and acted in ways that a REAL friend would nver do to you. Like cheating, for instance. A friend is someone whom you can trust, if he is a cheater you can't trust him. And being controlling, too. A real friend would not want to control you, own you ,or possess you, would let you be free to make your choices even the times when he does not agree with them.
It's just... you want it to be over , but also you don't and seek excuses to cling.
Which is perfectly normal, because on one hand you have realized you'll never be happy together, on the other is very hard to give up all of a sudden the comfort, reliability, habit of a regular presence beside you.
Accept that ,even if you initiated the break up, there will be moments in the next future when you miss him, doubt yourself, feel lonely etc. But, if by now you know that your happiness is not in this relationship, - be strong, be true to yourself, and let go of the BS friendship thing.
|
