A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do men truly still value virginity or do they see it as something to run away from? I'm going to be 21 soon and haven't even been kissed. My best guy friend who's a man whore tells me virginity sucks and romance is dead. He said he'd sleep with me so I would stop being a virgin but I don't know if I really want that. I'm still scared guys will think something is wrong with me because I'm so inexperienced. Do men really prefer someone who's been "broken" before? Or have I simply not found the right guy? Please, help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Men value true love and virginity as much now as they always did, It's modernday pressures that have devalued it. Movie characters make light of it but I think all men still respect a women that has saved their one-time gift" for the one they truely love. Call me old fashioned (I am) but I feel modern-day men are not totally crass and lacking of respect.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2013): I am a guy who is still value virgin. And I'm telling you this right now. That guy is a douche! "virginity sucks and romance is dead"?! For that guy maybe, but not for someone who gonna be truly care about you. Stay strong and true to what you believe in. Never settle for less.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): Men who are in love with you will highly value your virginity. It's actually a pretty useful measuring stick, in this circumstance, because the guys that are kinda sorta into you will balk at taking your virginity (at least those with some kind of character), while the one who REALLY wants you and knows that he won't be playing you by having sex with you will be thrilled. This is what I experienced. I was a virgin at 25. The men that KNEW I was a virgin would hesitate to be in any kind of relationship with me, maybe because they thought I wouldn't put out, but a couple later told me that they knew I took sex seriously and that they weren't serious enough. When I told my fiance that I was a virgin, he was startled at first, but a couple minutes later told me how special he thought that was. He still thinks so. CMMP is correct in that men will wonder (and you might, too) whether you're okay sleeping with only them. Mine has asked me no fewer than ten times whether I ever wonder what it would be like to have sex with other guys, and if I could be okay with only him for the long term. Of course the curiosity is there, but not even a little bit of the regret. I mean, it's sex. It's awesome, but it ain't that different from couple to couple as long as there's passion. I personally think, to have a GOOD passionate monogamous relationship, that you need to "open" the dialogue a little. My man and I often talk about what we consider fuckable in the opposite sex, our deepest fantasies (even those involving others), and no topic is taboo -- and no one acts like a jealous punk. We both know neither of us is gonna go shopping it around (I didn't for my first 25 years, and he has bedded a total of 2 women in 35 years), so the trust is there implicitly. That's a big plus of waiting to have sex. If you're going to commit to someone for life before sowing your wild oats, or never want to sow those oats at all, might as well commit to having as much fun as possible while doing it. :) In short, tons of men still value virginity. The ones who act like you have the plague are those who just wanted an easy lay. Congrats, you have an easy way to tell which are which!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Laci Green from Sex Plus on youtube said it best. She has several videos about virginity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdYtYveJI1Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA
Also...there is one more video you need to see, it talks about the value of virginity in today's modern world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4uYJ4Fk9H8
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Don't do it!!!
I was a virgin till I was 22 and don't regret it at all!
When I did have sex, my boyfriend said he thought it was really special that I hadn't had sex before :)
I do think too much emphasis is put on it...being a virgin or non-virgin doesn't make you a bad person. Just make sure you are ready. Do what feels right for you, not because some scummy guy says so.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 First of all, OK being young and inexperienced, but , if you are really so naive that you take for as good as gold, with no further validation, confirmation, information, investigation and other useful - ations, the first idiocy that any admittely man whore, probably horny and definitely self serving young man says about your virginity .... then your mom needs to watch you closely and never let you go for errands alone.
Just because some dumb guy says something , that makes it a Federal law ? ... It's your body , girl, YOU are the only one who gets to decide how and when to use it, - and if you are in doubt, don't ask the opinion of someone who'd clearly profit from this " help " he offers.
Second, in my experienec, nobody runs in shock away from virgins. We said virgins, not vampires.
Then again, on finding a virgin, neither they sing and dance and shoot their rifles in the air, unless they are Tuareg nomads from the Sahara ( I am told that's what they do on their wedding night, once the bride has been deflorated ).
All in all, and beeing that you live in a Western society, I'd say that some guys will be ( moderately ) happy that they find you intact, most won't care one way or the other, and none will run away in shock.
BUT.... once again, who the heck cares what THEY will think or want ?. What do YOU want ? Once you make up your mind , it's easy. If you want to save yourself for marriage, or at least for the right person, you do exactly that. If instead you want to have sex, then you have sex. That's all - just make up your mind using your own head, not your friends'.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Guys like to party with the bad girls but then they want to marry a good girl later on. Its not so different from girls in their youth.
Look up "retroactive jealousy" questions if you have any doubt about how much men still value chastity in general. Its a natural biological thing. It won't go away even though boys are being shamed into denying it these days.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 October 2013):
 iAmHereToHelpYou put it best.
It isn't about what men value; it's about what YOU value.
I DO think there is WAY to much emphasis put on female virginity and that in this day and age it ridiculous. Virginity made sense when a man wanted to ensure that his offspring was REALLY his. (and even then there never was any guaranties).
I think your Best Friend is being rather jaded, but then again you called him a man-whore, so obviously he doesn't really respect himself or the women/girls he sleeps with. To him sex means very little other then instant gratification.
My advise wait to have your first time, til you find a guy you WANT to do this with someone who means a lot to you in every way, not just a friend who wants to "pop your cherry".
DO what feels right to you. YOUR morals, YOUR values, YOUR beliefs.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 October 2013):
 What a generous and thoughtful guy you have there. He is VOLUNTEERING to save you from the scourge of virginity!!!!!
Some immature creeps seem to believe that if THEY "deflower" a girl that that will make them more of a man.....
You can read about it in my pamphlet, titled: "Real men become even MORE-REAL men when they take a girl's virginity".... especially in the chapter titled, "It's important that you brag to all your buddies about how many girls you have had sex with.... and how many of them were virgin whence you "got" them..."
Good luck
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (26 October 2013):
"value" is truely a once in a lifetime gift that should be trasured as a sacrifice given to the first lover!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (26 October 2013):
As an "older" man I can suggest that finding a real virgin is a complicated thing. Most women(seems to me,anyway) don't value virginity like they used to and seen to give it away too freely.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 October 2013):
It all depends on the guy and what point he's at in his life.
The two issues I have with virginity are that they might be more into a serious commitment right away and that they might eventually feel like they missed out if they only slept with one guy, so they might stray.
The lack of experience doesn't bother me in the least as long as she's willing to learn.
Romantically I would think it could be fun.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 When they want a wife and family they will value virginity. When they want free pussy they will value an "open" one. A man can want one thing at a time and doesn't care contradicting himself and would say whatever you want to hear to give in. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21. It sucks when all the single ones have lost it. You don't have to stick to one guy for the whole life and not experience others. Just don't lose it to that guy. He's slick and he might have STDs. It's also a way to make a friendship awkward. I don't think a good friend helps the other lose virginity because it's a burden. If you need someone to talk to about sexual issues that person definitely is not him because of his ulterior motive.
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