A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm expecting my ex boyfriend's child and I don't know if I should tell him and break his current girlfriend's heart. Basically, when we broke up, we made a stupid agreement to still have sex from time to time. I ended things because I got sick of his drinking, which often lead to fighting and him getting into trouble. I haven't been with anyone else but him since and I thought we could try again, if he argeed to curb his drinking. He didn't take that to well so I stopped the stupid arrangement. He started dating this new girl about 6 months or so ago, and I heard he was really happy with her. When I went out with friends a few months back, I ended up in the same club as him and because I was drunk, we had a drink together and danced. A little later that night, I couldnt get a taxi back so his mates walked my friends back and he walked me back home. I couldn't stop myself when he kissed me, and we spent the rest of the weekend together, having sex mostly. When his girlfriend phoned him, I felt sick to the stomach because of what we had done so I kicked him. It was just as much my fault as his, but I am single. Anyway, he didn't call or anything so I pushed it to the back of my mind but last week I missed my period and took a home pregnancy test which told me I was pregnant. The past week I have been torn between what to do. In my head, I know what I want will not happen but it doesn't mean I don't dream about it. Id love to have our child together, be a proper family and get back together. I always have loved him, which is why I keep going back. I just feel so bad for his girlfriend and her hurt will be all my fault. She will never find out if I don't tell him, or lie about him being the father. What would you guys do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Decide if you want to be a single mom or have the baby but give it up for adoption or abort the pregnancy. If you want to go through with the pregnancy then you should tell him but just so he has the information to decide what level of involvement he wants if any. You have already hurt the gf, there is no going back. She should know the kind of guy she is with anyway. Personally I would opt to end the pregnancy since it is so early. You do not need this right now. Neither does he nor her. It simply does no good and will only bring more bad into everyone's life. You have lots of time to have a child and family in the future when the circumtances are right. Having a child with an unreliable guy is a one way street to disaster where the best outcome is if you cut him out of your life and don't even ty to get child support from him since he wont do it anyway.
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (26 October 2013):
First of all your pretty early in your pregnancy to tell anyone. Go to the doctors and get a physical. Make sure you are healthy and so is the baby.Second you need to make a COMMITMENT whether you are going to keep the baby and be a single parent. You are NOT in a relationship with him and he is with a new gal. In saying that I'm not saying you don't love him or judging you. You need to keep things in perspective. If you decide to keep the baby, then yes tell him. Do not have expectations of being together when doing so. Tell him what your plans are and ask for assistance. Do not pressure him and tell him he needs time to process the information you gave him. Meet again in 24hrs and have a conversation again on what his expectations are.This is a life changing decisions on both of you. A child deserves a loving, caring and supportive enviroment. The child's needs are to be considered before your own. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Cindy and YouWish said it.
IF you plan on keeping this baby you HAVE to tell him. Secondly you HAVE to plan to be a single mom for a while, because he isn't worth a pot to piss in as far as a father figure is he?
You think you will be a happy little family once he finds out? For how long? Til next time you two starts to fight and he finds another girl?
And yes, you will be part of breaking this girls heart but maybe that is for the better for her, her BF (your ex) is a douche.
And why were you not using a condom? birth-control? If you were messing around with a guy you KNEW were having sex with someone else? You put yourself at risk for not only pregnancy but STD's.
I think you NEED to tell him, but you NEED to focus on HOW you are going to raise this child by yourself.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (26 October 2013):
 You won't be breaking his girlfriend's heart, he's done that already!
He did it when he slept with you and cheated on her, she just doesn't know it's broken yet!
Yes, you must tell him about the baby. Not just because he's the father but because babies do not pay for themselves and he needs to take responsibility for his actions.
Your baby's needs come first I'm afraid and his girlfriend's feelings are his responsibility, not yours.
Aunty YouWish is very right when she tells you to remember how he treats women. Please don't be duped into letting this waste of space back into your life in any capacity other than as the father of your child.
Also, just a point to note, if he's played away with you then he's no doubt done the same with others. I don't know whether you used a barrier method of contraception but if you did, it has clearly not worked so it's really important that you get a full STD screen for your own sexual health and the health of your unborn child.
I hope this works out for you AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): You weren't thinking of his girlfriend when you slept with him. It's too late to start now.
Baby now comes first. Baby will need both parents for love and financial support. You do not have to be together with your ex to raise a child together. It doesn't sound like he would be a trustworthy and responsible partner judging from his cheating and excessive drinking anyway.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Well he deserves to know.how he deals with it afterwards is his own choice. But you should tell him.the child has to know both of you even if you not together anymore
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (26 October 2013):
 You have to tell him one day. Sooner is always best. Hope you have plenty of support as you can't rely on him now he is with someone else
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 If you are planning to have the baby, you MUST tell him, There's no other way- regardless of any other ethical considerations, how can he pay child support .. for a baby whose existence he does not know about ?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 October 2013):
 Listen, you do what's right for the child, and what's right is to make sure he or she is supported by both parents. The time is long past to try to spare someone's feelings. He made his bed, and now he needs to sleep in it. Also, you took issue with his drinking, yet you're out getting drunk too, right? That's a bit of mixed messages, don't you think? Now that you're pregnant, don't touch that stuff anymore until you've had the baby.
And, this should be a wake-up call to you as well. He has a girlfriend, yet he is cheating on her with you? That is not a good choice for a guy to raise a kid together. Your trust in him would be shattered because of how he mistreats women by sleeping around on them.
Seriously - the kid comes first, and that means the dad must be notified, and you need to make sure financial support is in place.
As for worrying about whether his current girlfriend will be hurt - HE is to blame for that. Yes, you are an accomplice to his cheating, but HE broke trust with her. He hurt her. HE cheated. You'd do well to remember how he treats women, and maybe it'll snap you out of your rose-colored reverie when it comes to him.
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