A
female
age
26-29,
*rushcrushcrush
writes:I'm 18 and this summer I had a month-and-a-half relationship with a guy who was a year younger than me and whom I'd met through some high school projects. We'd known each other since February, but only started talking a lot in May. When I say a lot, I mean we'd message each other random pictures or things that had happened at school throughout the day, have around 2-hour conversations on facebook, so mainly we stayed in contact virtually.I realized that I had a crush on him and decided to ask him out on a sort of date, well, if you call going out to a movie marathon with him and a friend a date... anyway, while we were sitting there, he took my hand and the following week we went out (just the two of us) and that's when things got a little more serious. This was around the beginning of June. The next month was great. We'd go out 2-3 times a week, still talked loads to each other. Then, for some reason I just can't understand, he started ignoring me. We'd been going together to a sort of summer course, and whereas before we would usually go to the park after the course, two weeks in (around the middle of August) he started coming up with excuses. He would take ages to answer my texts, and I felt like something had come in between us. I asked him what was going on, and he told me to wait till we finished the course 'cause he was busy. That's when I realized things were coming to an end. The course ended, he still wasn't talking to me. Then he blocked me on facebook. I hadn't been obsessively messaging him, I actually hadn't even tried to contact him since the conversation about him being busy. I later did something I kind of regret.. I sent him a text saying that I knew that he had blocked me but was wondering if we could still be friends. He didn't answer, but he unblocked me. Thankfully, I didn't go on and send a friend request.Since then he's still been talking regularly to my friends, but he never even says hi to me. When he talks to my friends and my name pops up, he doesn't even write the full thing, just the first letter of my name. Any ideas to why this happened? Why would somebody just block you out of his life like that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2013): You will learn over time that some attachments we make to people are only short-term. They like us and spend a lot of time with us at first; they even tell us how much they care for us.
The problem is, we may really become very emotionally involved, fall in love; and expect to be with them for a longtime.
That doesn't always happen. They may find someone else more interesting, or they may feel we're becoming too attached; and will often back-off without much of an explanation.
You may have developed very strong feelings over the time that you were together; but these people sometimes liked us only for the time-slot set in their hearts. You can't always judge them as bad people; because you yourself will also find people you can only be with for a short-time. It will hurt them just as much, when you have to make that decision. It happens to us all, sooner or later.
It happened to me in April, after a 10-month relationship. I too still have strong feelings, but I have to accept the fact; that with some people, you come with an expiration date.
They may not really need (or want) a long-term relationship. They will enjoy being with you for only as long as they feel like it. It doesn't mean they don't care. They aren't ready for long-term commitment; or you aren't the person with whom they wish to commit that much time. It's not your fault. They don't always expect it to happen.
I know this sounds confusing and mean. You're very young. You have to realize that at your age, you'll undergo many trial relationships. You'll pickup something new and store it away. It will prepare you for someone better. It will also make you more worthy of someone better. You only have to be conscious of this, and be mature. You don't always get what you want.
This is what nature intended for very young people; as their minds and bodies are developing. You need to learn a lot about yourself, guys, and even more about life; before becoming too serious in the romantic area. You need time to grow, make personal discoveries, travel, and learn to be independent. This means there will be breaks in your life between relationships. Some may be short, some may be years.
When you were born, you have a destiny. People touch your life and go for a reason. They can't get in the way of your purpose.
You're supposed to enjoy dating different people; so you'll learn things about relationships; and find the type of guy(s) who best suit your personality. They also guide you to someone better each time. Those that are foolish and insecure, fail again and again. They don't pay attention to their life-lessons, and give up.
There may be a few relationships in the future that may happen before this finally happens. You're supposed to enjoy this journey, and learn to deal with disappointment and heartbreak. You learn what it feels like to be heart-broken, and you become more empathetic to others feelings.
You also learn the depth of your own feelings, how to control them; and how to nurture love and make a relationship work.
The pain of rejection will go through you like having the flu. It will incapacitate you, and consume you like a fever. You'll think about him constantly, and these thoughts will make you grieve as if he died. That's normal. However; being so young, nature has designed it all so that you will get through it faster than us older folks.
Spend time with your girlfriends, stay busy, flirt with other boys. Don't get too serious with guys yet, just hangout in groups until you feel better about breaking up.
Give yourself time to get through your grief for the loss.
You're too young to be too serious. You're supposed to appreciate your youth and freedom. Have some fun. Laugh.
He was being a little cowardly, and broke up the easy way.
Just slowly sliding away. For some people, that's how it has to be done. You can't always tell people face to face; there is a lot of drama and emotion in a breakup. I could never just coldly walk away myself. I have to be honest and consider their feelings; but I'm much older than your boyfriend, and see things in a more mature way. It took me a long time and a lot of effort to get here. I have very few regrets; because I was fortunate enough to find someone that gave me 28 years of love and happiness. Cancer took that person away from me, but I've survived. I've met and cared for other people since. So will you.
I'm sorry how much it hurts; I know words don't help much now. You'll have to get through the emotions, which will fade in time.
You will have to find your own closure. Some people will never give you closure; because they don't want to deal with you while you're highly emotional. You'll beg for them to come back, and you'll look very pitiful; but they don't want to face you, if they still have to reject you. It is likely he will, and that's better for you than you may think.
You will learn to move on and survive on your own strength.
You have a lot of time ahead of you, and you'll learn as you go. When I was your age, I thought I could never heal after a broken-heart. I learned that it never gets easier,
you learn to live with it; just like if someone you love passes away. You know it's final, so your mind will allow you to let go. The love remains. Not without the grief and misery first. That is the downside of love.
Life will make it up to you by letting you find someone else, who will be the most wonderful person you've ever met. That's the way it is intended. It may be a long journey there; but the stronger you are, the better you'll navigate through life.
It will get better. I'm not just saying that; because I'm living proof. Someday you'll know, and you'll tell someone younger the same thing.
This is long, because it's meant to help you and many others going through what you are.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 That's how I broke up with a girlfriend, back when I was about 15. I was tired of her, didn`t want an ugly confrontation, so I just ignored her. Hardly something I'm proud of, but that's what immature boys who aren't ready for relationships do. If that's the case here, looking for closure is a waste of your time, because he's too much of a child to give you a proper explanation. You can do nothing but learn to not give your heart before you know them better, and move on. It's just one of life's less pleasant lessons.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Because boys his age ( and often girls too ) are fickle. Because at first the idea of dating and having a relationship makes them feel all grown up and cool and sexy. But then in time they realize , unless they aren't really madly in love, that is more work than it's worth and puts limitations in the life of the average teenager. Less time for shooting the breeze with the guys, or hot babes to drool over, to play videogames , etc.etc.... less time for being the kid that basically they are.
I am not saying that it will be like this with every guy your age that you meet, and I am definitely NOT advising you to date someone ten years older than you . Just, be aware that there may be a few false starts, - because a great initial enthusiasm is not always a sign of real compatibility or deep interest. It can also be a sign of a kid who is all fired up about a new toy , but naturally loses interest in some weeks. It happens, and that's how you cut your teeth romantically.
Next time , also, you may want to go slower, less " full immersion "- I think that attending the class together and then going to the park and going out on dates 2-3 times a week and then calling and texting and talking hours every day... groan. It's like a full time job . After a few weeks it gives you romance burn out , it feels like everything has already been talked and seen and done, there's nothing more to discover, to share, to explore together.
I know it did not feel like that to you, but young women often have less trouble than guys ( and than older women ) in letting themselves become totally wrapped up in a romantic interest, and devoting to it time energy and thought almost 24/7. Next time, don't dive into it all head first- try to not get so emotionally invested in just a matter of weeks, and remember that you have a life to cultivate , with a lot of cool things people and interests, beyond your S.O.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (19 October 2013):
 My guess is he's very young/immature, and showing a little bit of relationship-phobia. He's not ready for a girlfriend yet, in any REAL sense of the word and he got scared off.
Unless you've had a fight, and he got mad at you for something...
Some guys scare off easily, especially at that age. It's hard to say what sets them off...
Move on. You'll find someone who is at your level of maturity and not a scaredy-cat afraid of relationships soon enough. ;)
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A
female
reader, crushcrushcrush +, writes (19 October 2013):
crushcrushcrush is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to add that I still have feelings for him... I feel like I need real closure if I want them to go away. The way our relationship ended was... like it didn't even end. But I don't want to confront him about this because: a) it's been a while and b) I'm still scared of rejection. What should I do?
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