A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just a question in general. I have noticed when people watching, that there was a man sitting with his wife and she with her body language indicated that she was insecure, she was begging for his attention and affection, he barely took any notice of her, only a comforting arm once in a while, his attention was entirely on the gorgeous blonde across the table from him. You could see that he ignored her and that all his friends ignored her unless they were making fun of her. I felt for her, but hey she puts up with it, my question is, would you think it is an indication that this man would be a cheater? We were having a discussion about people's behavior and the possible meanings and I was wondering what would your take be on it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): Depends on the context. If she is always being over needy and must always be the center of attention then its only a matter of time before the husband gets tired of catering to her and starts to tune out and ignore her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): I wholly agree with that reading people and finding out how the human mind works and reacts is very interesting.But I think you have to be extremely careful with overstepping boundaries into personal matters that ultimately are none of your business. I don't say this to be rude, I just forever play a 'put myself in their shoes' exercise when interacting with people, and ESPECIALLY if ever having to talk about other people when they're not there. I imagine that this woman may be mortified to realise that you were watching her and 'pitying' her and that she would be horrified to read what you have written and debated about her LIFE right here.It is one thing discussing concerns when someone has directly approached you personally –OR a public forum for support, or in a very sensitive /personal manner when specifically trying to help them as appropriate to your involvement and the manner in which you become involved.Understanding people is useful for many positive things, such as directly helping someone, for understanding yourself and your own behaviour, and appreciating how you can better interact with others. It is of course also useful for specific study, theory and techniques... but please be wary. Your 'subjects' are real people with feelings and they do not deserve to be publically discussed in the context of pity and secrets which may potentially destroy their lives should they turn out to be true, simply be believed to be true or simply being read in the context of their implications that others believed them possible.Please, be sensitive. And ALWAYS consider how you would feel in the circumstances, or in the equivalent matter that you might be sensitive about should it be discussed behind your back without consent. This subject is not a 'volunteer' to your study.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was my take on it too, thanks guys. Other people in the group were adamant that he was cheating as this seems to be a regular thing with this couple. I just find reading body language interesting. I personally thought the wife (I know her to be his wife) always looks extremely insecure and is often ignored and made fun of, he seems to always give his attention to another woman at the table wherever they are. I am in agreement with you though that he may just find it tiresome to always be reassuring his wife in public, and finds the conversation stimulating, and is interested in interacting with these other people. I thought it strange that others thought it indicated cheating, and thought I would get some other people's opinion's. Thankyou
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Do you know for a fact that she was the wife? Or was that how you interpreted them?
Could be they had just had a row before going in and thus SHE was trying to make him "forgive her" or cheer him up by paying all that attention.
Looking at a gorgeous blond doesn't mean he is cheating. It could be a method "punishment" of the "wife" (or GF)
Him being rude to his "wife"/GF and letting his friends be rude too doesn't mean he is cheating, but it does mean he is most likely an asshat.
You can get attraction, hostility, little signs from body language, cheating? I don't think that would be so easy to spot.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I think it may just mean... that they are already married since a good while, and no, this is not as cynical as it may sound. One of the advantages of marriage, at least in theory, is security- emotional security. You know that anyway you are in there for the long haul, and that, at the end of the day, ... he is going to come home to you . (Hopefully, not because the partner has no other choice, but because he/ she made his/her final choice when choosing you ). That massively cuts down the need for asking/ offering reassurance and public displays of validation. Plus, if they were at a party, a dinner , somewhere with a lot of other people... the lady chose the wrong venue for making her need for attention and affection SO manifest. You get away with this stuff only if you are very young. For adults, it's not considered good form to only have eyes for their partner, they are supposed to mingle, interact and pay attention to the other guests.
Of course it all depends, - if the guy was pointedly ignoring his wife to keep drilling holes with his glances into the hot blonde's boobs- well, that's rude and disrespectful. But let's give him the benefit of doubt, shall we ? maybe he was paying atention to this blonde lady because she was interesting... or just because she was someone NEW. And if you are married, that does not mean that you can't admire ( without overdoing it :),of course ) the attractiveness of another woman ( or man ) .
Body language says PART of the story, -without knowing how their home life is we can't jump to conclusions and say the guy can't wait to cheat.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Most men look at other women, even if they never touch and women's insecure behaviour gets most men pretty pissed off because they don't want to have to constantly reassure her...it gets tiring when there is no trust.
You can tell a little from body language, but not the whole picture.
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