A
female
age
,
*eepgreyt
writes:I do everything for my boyfriend but he never says he loves me and I feel unappreciated. I have taken him on business trips across the country, expensive sporting events, weekend trips paid for by me, and drive him everywhere when we are together. I have bought him numerous expensive things and he never says thank you or that he loves me. He hardly ever calls and if he does it is only to make sure we are going to the movies and "date" on.the weekend. I always have to drive to him which can take up to 2 hours and have to leave afterwards in the middle of the night so "he can get his sleep". He says that he likes me and we have been going together for over a year. He never does anything nice for me - flowers, etc but I have made food for him and his family and they say thanks but not him.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 If you feel unappreciated is because you are unappreciated. He is taking you so much for granted that he can't even bother to do the normal, polite things you would do for any friend / aquaintance / kind stranger who does something nice for you : say THANKS.
Apparently he thinks he is doing you some big favour by allowing you ( limited ) access to precious him, so all your gifts and coddling are YOUR way to thank him for that. He is making you sing for your supper.One would think that one year of going on,like that would be enough for everybody... but I am not accusing you of being dumb- just naive, too warm hearted and too ready to give the benefit of doubt . As other Aunts have suggested, try an interesting experiment : STOP cold turkey all the freebies- trips, rides, everything, and see what happens. My guess is he'll either turn nasty and abusive, or, more probaby, he'll just vanish into thin air.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Of course you feel unappreciated....That's because you ARE (unappreciated)!!!!!!!!
You've described a classic case of a guy "using" a woman.... in your case... not ONLY for s*x (the usual) but also, for financial purposes..... Do you not recognize this??????
You have two choices from which to choose:
1. Dump him and get on with your life, or,
2. Let things continue as they are.... and will be.... indefinitely.
Your choice...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 men.boys are alien to affection as defined by women/girls. THey are for the most part brought up to be "matter-of-fact and kinda "cold".i.e. showing affection is "girly" You may have to help educate the poor boy on interpersonl relationships. Believe me we do learn after a time. some are slower than others.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Hello, if you stop buying him things and stop going to him and stop contacting him and stop doing things FOR him what do you think will happen?
yes that's right he will disappear...
he's all about what YOU can do for him... he's selfish and he's greedy and he's using you.
stop rowing the relationship boat and see if it sinks or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Ding ding ding..
This is your wake-up call. HE is using you for what he can GET out of you.
This isn't a loving relationship.
I know you don't DO nice thing and BUY nice things in order for him to feel gratitude, but didn't it give you a clue the first or second time you did something really nice for him and he just took it for granted? Yes, you CONTINUED to give him stuff and doing stuff- so HE is continuing ti expect JUST that without having to "give" anything back emotionally or physically (as in flowers or a nice card)
Who pays when you go out? him? you? both?
If he always pays maybe he sees the gifts and thing you do as you "part" in it.
What are you getting out of this?? Certainly not a loving relationship.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 I'm afraid it sounds like this man is using you.
You're showering him with gifts and days out which he's accepting but not appreciating which is rude of him at best.
He only calls you if he wants something! You're his personal chauffeur and aren't allowed to stay the night because he needs his sleep!
I really can't see what you "love" about him.
If you really want to be with this man then I suggest you stop trying to buy his affection.
Just be yourself and make him pay his way. Stop fawning over him and being at his beck and call!
Maybe he'll respect you more, maybe he'll decide that the gift run is over and move on, only time would tell.
I'm sorry but you're allowing this man to treat you like a doormat, he does not respect you, love you or appreciate you and I don't think he ever will. He's using you for what you give him, and that's pretty much everything!
I really think you need to step back and take good long look at this relationship and decide if it's what you really want because you're clearly not happy.
I hope this helps AB x
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