A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles. Thanks for considering my question.Nine years ago, I was the Best Man at a dear friend's wedding. It was a wonderful, joyous and fairly raucous affair. High energy, lots of joking and horsing around, and lots of laughs. Late at night, after many drinks, one of the last group of people were lounging on some furniture in the courtyard of the reception grounds. A woman, let's call her Kate, was lying on her back, and I drunkenly approached her and pretended to slap her belly, but just patted it softly instead. She said, "that's borderline sexual harassment." I said, "you're here with (name withheld)?" She said, "yes." I said, "you're a lucky girl." That was that.Nine years have passed: I'm married and have a child of my own. For the past year, my 3 year old daughter has attended a preschool where, coincidentally, Jane is the art teacher. I told my friend, the aforementioned groom, that my daughter was starting at the school, and he said "No way! Jane teaches there!" Jane's husband is the mutual friend with the groom, and I can't be sure, but I suspect she's spoken about it with him. Here's why, I occasionally see her in the hallway at the school, and twice now, I've looked directly at her and said, "Hi Jane, how are you?" Both times, she's looked right at me, then looked away, and kept on walking down the hall.I'm offended. What I did at the wedding 9 years ago was drunkenly inappropriate, perhaps, but all in fun; now she's being intentionally rude to me. She's my daughter's art teacher, and we will continue to cross paths. Should I try to reconcile with her, or just give up and let by-gones be by-gones?Sincerely,Not a creepy Dad
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Thanks for the feedback, all. I do find it interesting that the women here have the most charitable interpretation of my story, and it's the only man to respond who thinks I'm lying (funny, given that this is an anonymous post). A sign of a true liar to jump to that conclusion? Anyway, no, Owl, she wasn't passing out, she was fully conscious, lying on furniture. You got the full story, no more, no less.
I appreciate the advice, all. I've decided to let it be, and rise above her petty control issues.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 For all watchers of " Friends " reruns, this reminds me of the cult episode where Jukia Roberts, in revenge, convinces Matthew Perry ,by a ruse, to undress in a restaurant 's bathroom, then she steals all his clothes and leaves , forcing him to exit the restaurant butt-naked. In revenge of what ?... Twenty years before, when they both wre in the same fourth grade class, Matthew Perry had lifted her skirt, exposing her panties to all the kids during the school play.
Wow. Nine years. Some people DO hold grudges !
Naaah, I have a hard time too believing that she is still mad at you because 9 years ago you briefly touched her belly uninvited. There must be some other reason.
Maybe she just does not remember your face and could not quite figure out who you are. Maybe she felt that approaching her as " Jane " was inappropriate and too confidential now that she is Mrs. " Smith ", the art teacher. Maybe she, or the school, has a strict policy of not befriending the stidents' parents. Maybe she wants to treat all parents the same, and not be seen as closer to some of them. Maybe she just had a bad case of PMS, or the principal had just scolded her that day.
Whatever it is , it's not anything I would lose any sleep over . You'll do fine either she aknowledges you or not. You just keep being civil when you meet her- limit your greetings to a neutral " Good morning " or " Good evening " and let it go. People have their quirks at times. Accept that for whatever reason, she has got hers ,which make her not want to be chummy.
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Definitely ignore her. If she wants to be 'funny' with you then that's her problem. I wouldn't even broach the subject of the past with her. Rise above it, be polite, be courteous and leave it at that, it's not worth worrying about it. I think most of us have done something we regret in the dim distant past but life moves on and we all get wiser.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): Though I agree with wise owl that touching was innapropriate, but considering that it was so many years ago, it's hard for me to believe that she is dwelling on it. 9 years is a very long time. There was nothing that you guys did, there was no kiss, no hugging , no sex. It was just a brief touch. I don't want to sound shameless but I don't even remember how most guys look who I slept with 10 years ago, and their names. I am touched often by innapropriate drunks at the various parties. I am happily married for 4 years with a small child, and couldn't care less about these men sexually, but they do touch when drunk, and last week our friend grabbed my behind, but he was wasted. Ask him today, he won't even remember. To I find pleasing? Of course not, but I m not going to prosecute him for losing a little control, he had never done it before. Really, what happened so many years ago as innocent as this, not even worse thinking about, unless it was something serious like rape. I would advice you to at least have a small conversation with her, not about this event, but something like , do you remember me, how are you doing and so on, and see how she reacts. And if she continues to act very un friendly, ask her, why. And go from there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Ignore her.
There is nothing to feel guilty about, certainly not 9 years later. It was drunken play/banter at a wedding and if she is still offended she must be some uptight cow.
For whatever reason she is mad at your OR she really doesn't remember you and just doesn't want to get involved with a "dad" at the school (as in chit chat) which seems odd given her job.
Eh, let her be uptight and bitter.... As long as it doesn't affect your child I really wouldn't worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): You mentioned everything but an apology. No direct insult; but the behavior was that of a jerk. We all do stupid things if we're drunk. There is a line drawn at touching women who appear to be unconscious. Touchy territory.She was highly offended at your drunken behavior; and apparently you made no acknowledgement to the fact. Instead; you made some lame (completely off-the-wall) left-handed compliment. Considering your state at the time, no surprise! But not dismissed, as far as she's concerned.You don't presume to take advantage of a person; because you thought she was drunk and passed out. No permission to touch. A mistake often taken by drunken teenage jocks and frat-boys! I sort of doubt you only patted her tummy (still grossly inappropriate); I think she got the slap, just as you intended. If you were drunk, you don't really know how hard you may have hit her. You startled and embarrassed her all the same. It was juvenile behavior. Whether it was "sexually harassment;" I'd let the law make that distinction.You still walk-by her as if nothing happened? Nine years may not seem like a long-time to you; but people remember inappropriate touching for a lifetime. No matter how minor it may seem to the offender. You violated her body, anyway you want to look at it.Take the high road and at least offer a long over-due apology. You're evading admission and responsibility.Keeping it her word against yours. So it's a draw.If she still carriers a air of disgust, that's her prerogative.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 October 2013):
 One other thing -- if you feel guilty about what happened 9 years ago, you can clear the air. Just meet with her in her classroom and keep it simple.
"I feel like I want to clear the air here. I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable 9 years ago during that wedding. It got out of hand, I got carried away and crossed the line and I regret what happened."
Don't make the excuse that it was harmless horseplay. Just keep it short - she can either accept it or not. If she does, good. If she doesn't, that's on her.
I don't feel like you need to reconcile, but if you feel like it, that's what to say.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 October 2013):
Ignore her as well. If she's that uptight at you touching her stomach briefly 9 years ago, then she has serious problems. You didn't rape her, grope her, call her degrading names or anything of the sort, right? Actually, on that last bit, I wonder if you said something to her while touching her that she's a bit more upset about than the actual contact.
Either way, it was 9 years ago.
Sometimes, people don't connect. Don't talk to her, and eventually she will no longer be your daughter's teacher and you won't have to suffer her any more.
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