A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How should I deal with a known narcissists "silent treatment"? He is my boyfriend. This is the second time he has done this in a six month period. He cursed at me about two weeks ago and I couldn't take the abuse anymore and let him know how I felt about it. He has since not talked to me, I believe as punishment.Is there a way to end the "silent treatment"? How should I deal with this? If there is anyone who would be willing to give me insight I would appreciate any and all answers! Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): I am the woman that wrote this........
It had been two weeks, almost exactly, of the silent treatment and I saw him around town. I texted him to let him know and he responded to tell me he will be leaving for 2+ weeks for work. I don't know why he all of a sudden decided to tell me this after not speaking too me for two weeks. I responded the next afternoon and told him to be safe and take care. I asked him a question and he's apparently gone back into ignoring me because he did not respond. I know I shouldn't have responded at all but I'm confused and weak from his abuse. Why would he text after 2 weeks of silence? Is this the "hoovering" I've been reading about?
I've been doing a lot of reading and have joined an online support group. I'm trying to understand all of this. I don't want to have him back but I would like to understand so that I don't let it happen again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): You deal with it by ignoring his silent treatment and showing him you don't give a rat's ass if he is giving you the silent treatment or not. You will go out and live your life as usual. If he wants to go out with you he is welcome to. If he just wants to be silent then you will go on your own and do your own thing without him. You will not grovel or beg him to stop being like this. That's exactly what he wants and it makes him feel powerful to be able to affect you. Therefore just ignore it and behave as if he is not even in the room. In a way it is like doing the silent treatment back to him.
If he does this a lot, Irs best to break up. A relationship with lots of silent treatments is filled with passive aggressiveness which is toxic.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2013):
 well you could LEAVE.... but you won't or else you would not be asking about how to cope.
Be silent right back. In fact if you MUST stay (and your choice to stay is a must that I understand) then you must learn to be totally independent of this person.
If you live together and sleep in the same bed, you can continue to do so... but do not ask him what he wants for dinner... go out with your friends or get some carry out for yourself.
do not do his laundry or clean up after him.
do not ask him anything or initiate any conversation.
respond to any questions he asks with just "yes" or "no"
any question requiring an opinion is met with either "i do not care" or "please rephrase that into the form of a yes or no question"
I've played the "return the silent treatment" game way too long to not be good at it.
basically you live in the same house (if you do then this applies, if you don't live together consider ending the relationship) but you treat him like a stranger.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 How to deal with the Narcissist ‘Silent Treatment’
1. Place a card down on his table with the phone number of a psychologist or psychiatrist
2. Place a note with your forwarding address on the table.
3. When he insults you; you LAUGH at him and tell him how idiotic you find his comments.
4. Find a cracked mirror and give it to him with a note saying; now you have the prefect image of yourself as everyone else sees you – CRACKED!
I guess by now you have enough answers to know you should leave him to his own ‘silent’ passive-aggressive narcissist misery.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Why are you worried about the silent treatment from a guy that curses at you twice in 6 months ? let him be silent- at least he won't open his mouth to hurl abuse at you !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Yes there is a magical trick that cure that right away...
YOU DUMP the asshat!
Most women rather have a guy yell at then (verbal abuse) then get the silent treatment. Guys like YOUR BF knows that, and that is his ultimate weapon in getting YOU to behave. Stop the cycle, dump him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 October 2013):
 The silent treatment is emotional abuse. It's just as abusive as screaming at someone. He's withholding to punish you for daring to challenge him, and the cursing at you is also abusive too. The fact that this is happening twice in 6 months means the two of you should not be together.
Cut your losses and get the hell out of there! Write him an email, tell him thank you for making your job easy for you. Wish him well, and you're gone for good. Then mean it. Don't use that as a ploy to get him back, because seriously, you would be better getting an ice pick up your nose than getting him back. He is TOXIC.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I'd interpret the silent treatment as a break up, and be thankful to be free of an abusive narcissist. You deserve better. If you seek him out, you'll get more abuse. He knows that and so should you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 October 2013):
 The "silent treatment" is the ultimate passive-aggressive form of behaviour. It ranks No 2 to verbal and/or physical abuse as the dumbest thing girl could put up with.... Ergo: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SPENDING EVEN ANOTHER MINUTE OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME WITH THIS IDIOT?????
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): As you know, a narcissist feeds on narcissistic supply. That means your suffering, pain, and discomfort. Don't call him a narcissist, unless you know for sure what that is. If you do, you know they are incapable of compassion; or take pleasure in your emotional distress.The best way to fight silence; is with silence. Ignore him.Go about your normal routines and figure out how to leave this guy. He's not happy; unless he knows the silence makes you miserable.He will call or text you; knowing you will immediately pickup or respond. DON'T. Let it ring. Let the message wait.He can't stand knowing the silence is losing effect.Then when you do respond, be calm. Keep your answers short and sound as normal as you can. Give an academy-award winning performance. You weren't the least bothered. Treat him like a child who just threw a tantrum for a cookie.Being passive and submissive to abuse, means you need help.You're conditioned to panic; when he cuts you off from any contact. He knows you well, and how you're responding to this treatment. He knows how to torture you psychologically.While he's out of the way. Please go online and look for women's support-groups and counseling in your area, to deal with psychological abuse. There are women's organizations that offer free counseling and support all over the United States. Even hotlines for women in crisis. Please use these resources.You need help to develop the strength and mind-set to remove yourself from the situation. You're asking how to handle it. The best way, is to remove yourself from the abusive relationship altogether.I wish you the best. Be strong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): You need to decide if you want to be in a relationship with a guy like this. If he is not mature enough to talk and discuss disagreements like an adult, then perhaps he should go find a teenager that is more at his level. And if he is unable to speak to you without swearing and verbal abuse when something is bothering him or he is mad at you, the worst is probably yet to come.Good for you in standing up for yourself and not accepting that kind of behavior from him. Sometimes it is better to walk away and not say anything to cool down and think it through, but the silent treatment is childish and will accomplish nothing. You can approach him only to say, if you want to talk, then we will sit down and try to work it out. But lay down some conditions. If he continues the silent treatment game, end it. Game over. You lose dude.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I would think the silent treatment is preferable to the cursing verbal abuse. But then I also think you must nuts to be in this relationship to begin with, why are you?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 October 2013):
That's easy; dump him. There may be a way to end it but there's no way to fix him. If you stay and, heaven forbid marry him, you'll find yourself to be pretty unhappy.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Honestly, I would think about breaking it off all together! someone who is childish enough to play the silent treatment card is not mature enough to be in any sort of committed relationship!
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