A
female
age
30-35,
*hinkingOverdrive
writes:This is probably more of a vent-my-feelings post than anything else, but I suppose I'm also looking for reassurance!I'm 22, he's 26, in a serious relationship etc. We're going on holiday together next week and I'm going out of my mind that something terrible has happened to him. I haven't heard from him since Friday night - we drove back from visiting my parents and he had plans with friends that night, he told me to message him when I got in or he'd worry about me, so I did. No reply (not so unusual). I text him yesterday telling him I'd sorted something about our plans next week, and again no reply. He doesn't always reply to texts but will usually call at some point if he doesn't. I tried calling him twice this afternoon and his phone just rings and then goes to voicemail.I'm going stir crazy thinking that he's been in an accident or something; I know this is probably irrational but I can't think of another explanation - we've spent a lot of time together lately so he might just not be calling because there's nothing much to talk about or something, but I'm so worried about him. I just want to know that he's ok :-(I don't have his parents/ friends numbers and he often travels between several places so showing up at his place would probably yield no results as he was going to go and visit his parents today until mid-week.Is there anything I can do? Any way to find out?? Sorry for sounding crazy but I'm going out of my mind with worry! :-(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 this is why texting is no way to have a relationship. the messages don't always go through.
OP while it would have been nice and considerate of him to send a message or let you know some way that he was "sick and going to bed" I don't disagree with him for not texting you while ill.
When I'm sick enough to be IN BED I'm too sick to text or surf the net or call anyone...
I'd let him know you were worried and leave it...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I would not push the " worry " pedal. It's not his fault if you are an apprehemsive type - he DID what he was supposed to do , only, as you say, technology got in the way.
If there should be in future a next time like this, don't be so quick to freak out. Phones can be lost or stolen or misplaced, people take cold medicine ( or gets drunk :) and feel lazy, drowsy and confused, an extra physical effort makes them sleep extra hours etc.etc.. A lull in communication of a couple of days does not necessarily mean he is in the hospital.... or is cheating.
I would , though, get his parents/ best friend's phone number, and I am surprised you had not thought of that yet , since he travels and moves around often. There may always be an emergency/ urgency ; again, not necessarily something fatal- just something time-sensitive for which you may need to contact him at once , so it's good to have some extra contact numbers.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Glad he's Ok! He was insensitive not getting touch and it's fair enough that you were worried. There's no harm in letting him know that you were concerned x
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (28 October 2013):
ThinkingOverdrive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. We're generally very good with communication/ letting each other know if there's an issue/ how we're feeling etc, I just don't want to come accross badly for worrying. He had sent me a text at about midday Sunday (which I didn't receive, obviously) which replied to my previous text and said that he was in bed/ would ring me later on - he read it to me on the phone/ sent it again; but obviously had I received it I wouldn't have called/ been worried so I feel bad if I say anything to him because technically he did try to tell me what was going on, but technology got in the way!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I don't think you have to make a big deal of it but I do think you should at least tell him how worried you were.
You don't have to be accusatory but, in the same way that he likes you to phone to say that you're home safe, you would like a text now and then, when you're apart, just to reassure you that he's ok.
Once you've told him I think you'll feel better and then can draw a line under this.
Personally I think if more people told their partners when there were things that bothered them, there would be less miscommunication, worry and bitterness in that relationship.
Of course the key is to tell him, not lecture him, lay him on guilt trip or admonish him. He didn't deliberately do this to worry you, he just didn't realise you would be worried. Once he knows you were, I'm sure he'll remedy it.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (27 October 2013):
ThinkingOverdrive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPosted earlier but didn't make clear I was the OP - everything's ok and I got hold of him the third time I tried. He's been ill for the past week or so and has basically been in bed all weekend, which I don't think is an excuse for at least not being able to send a text. We've gone a day or so without talking before but he usually rings me first - I guess because he's been sleeping all day that's why he didn't this time.
He's not on vacation - I meant we're going away together next week.
He's definitely visiting his parents (he set off after I spoke to him) and he's definitely not cheating on me, he's not that type at all.
I'm not sure whether to tell him I'm annoyed at him for not even just sending a text to say he was bed-ridden, or just to move on from it and let it go. I kind of want to get the point across that I'm a worrier and would expect a reply at some point even if it is brief just so I know everything's ok!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I also want to ask if he has ever done this before?. Has there ever been another time when you haven't heard from him for a couple of days?. If so, what was the reason for that?. How long have you been with him?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I don't want to upset you, but are you sure he is visiting his parents?. No offense, but are you sure he isn't being unfaithful?. I hope he isn't, but maybe that is a possibility?.
Another possibility is maybe he lost his phone?. Or maybe he has misplaced his phone in his home?.
I worry about my boyfriend a lot too. Usually though, he doesn't contact me for a few days sometimes when he is with his friends, as they are usually drinking alcohol.Or sometimes, he doesn't contact me when he is depressed about something. I don't think that he has ever been unfaithful though.
Good luck. I hope you hear from your boyfriend soon. Please let us know what happens, and when you hear from him!.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): He's ok! I'm quite pissed that he didn't bother to even text back though. He's been ill for the past week or so and has been in bed all weekend. I'm annoyed because, if that was me, I'd have texted/ called at some point just to say I was ill in bed or something. Is it just that men are oblivious to this sort of thing?!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 October 2013):
I'm not surprised you're worried but hopefully it's something simple like his phone battery died.
In addition to what Aunt Babbit suggests, can you get his parents phone number from somewhere, e.g. his place of work or college? They should have his next of kin details (though they might not hand them over to you, they could phone his parents). I know it means waiting til tomorrow morning, and I hope you've heard from him in the meantime.
I hope this is resolved soon - please let us know x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (27 October 2013):
I think if something had happened to him then someone would have contacted you by now.
You could call the local hospitals and see if he's been admitted or call the police and ask if there have been any accidents involving your boyfriend or any unknown man matching his description.
It seems a little strange that you have absolutely no other contacts for him, no friends, parents or siblings.
Can you Facebook or Tweet any of them?
I hope that nothing has happened to him and can totally understand your concern. If I was in your shoes I would worry too.
If he's fine then he really needs to have a darn good explanation as to why he's ignored you all weekend especially considering he insisted that you let him know when you were safe so that HE wouldn't worry!
It also doesn't matter that you've spent a lot of time together recently so there might not be a lot to talk about. You're worried, and I'm sure that must have been conveyed by now, and he hasn't reassured you.
If you don't know where these friends live and have absolutely no way of knowing how to contact him then all you can do is wait!
I hope he gets in touch soon.
I hope this helps AB x
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