A
male
age
41-50,
*t109
writes:Hi,I was wondering what people think of this theory? I have noticed that anyone I've dated in the past will never get past the dating phase when they never use your name in texts, conversations, anything, even if they do pay all sorts of compliments. Has anyone else noticed that?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 I'm "hon" or "honey" or occasionally "critter" which is his nickname for me.
He's "hon" most of the time but when we are on different levels of our home and we need to get the others attention or out in public.. we will use the others name.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): I don't think it's a phase. I use my man's name plenty, but not nearly as much to his face (and mostly in pet names -- my sugarDanny, Dannymuffin, etc.). Even more pronounced on his side; he'll only use my name during (very good) sex once or twice. Of course I've heard him say my name plenty of times, but it's when talking to someone else and talking about me in the third person.
I have thought about this before. I don't really have a good answer. Perhaps, since you're the most special person in his/her life, he/she doesn't feel the need to identify you by name -- names are for those silly, indistinguishable masses who don't light up your world. ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2013):
 I think some guys tend to use nick-names instead of your first name, just so they won't screw up by calling you by an ex's name, other then that, I think, you are over analyzing it.
I do think using your first name here and there is nice, specially in the beginning.
I DO think that nicknames like "babe" is overused and I think it's people being lazy lol.
I think dumping a guy because he doesn't use your name is a tad over the top.
Do YOU use their names?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): It is an interesting theory!!!
I however think that using someone's name in conversation (especially txt, email e.t.c), can be used as a form of manipulation.
For example, I have noticed in previous relationships, that boyfriends have used my name in conversation in an argument. Whether it is face-to-face, email, text or whatever, when they don't usually use my name. It is used as a way of belittling you, I think or used just in anger.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 It's an interesting theory, but I am not sure how much demontrable. I did read, for instance, that calling people by their name is an useful psychological " trick " to create a sense of connection. Like, " How are you today, Sara ? " sounds warmer and more intimate than just " How are you today " ?
Then again, I guess it depends from geographical location too. I think this must be a habit of English speakers, in other languages it sounds just .. plain weird .
" Let's go to get ice-cream, Cindy. Oh you like strawberry icecream too, Cindy ? Good choice, it's their best , Cindy "- it used to drive me NUTS when I lived in USA : I don't have Alzheimer, I remember my own name ,lol
To me, I guess that being called by name in some special, romantic moment it may be endearing- but if it's all the time, it does not signal intimacy or interest- just a slightly annoying automatism.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): i dont know how my husband pronounces my name cos i have never heard him say it,lol. been married for 5 years. he always referes to me as 'honey', love etc, and i have no problem with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 October 2013):
 Definitely never noticed that. I never use anyone's first name. Maybe that's always been my problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupid lover  +, writes (23 October 2013):
I think it's just rude not to use someone's name. If someone did that to me I woukdn't exactly feel special!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 Hmmmm...maybe...but maybe it also has to do with the type of person you're choosing to date. Perhaps you are choosing people who are emotionally closed off in some way. I think you need to analyse the type of people you are attracted to. It all boils down to what what kind of love you feel you deserve.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): I don't know. I feel sort of weird when a person keeps u sing my name when they're talking to me, even though some people do that to remind themselves of who they are talking to.
I'd like to know where those people are who stay in the dating phase because I keep ending up in whirl-wind relationships the become exclusive hard-core relationships early on. (The kind where the other person won't let it go).
But I think I know where you're coming from, it's pretty annoying to be called "dude" "babe" "sweetie" all the time. Huh. And maybe since they're stuck in the dating stage of relationships, they don't want to mix up names of the people they're dating so they solve the problem by not using a name at all.
interesting question!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): If they don't use your name they have most likely forgotten it; or want to.
It may not be a good idea to take your theory too seriously.
I've been friends or lovers with people for years; and find no reason to enter their names on text messages. I do on letters and invitations. I seldom call-out their names unless there is a specific reason to. It seems almost silly to do it consciously. That may be different in Europe.
Is it necessary, if they have your full attention?
You may be sabotaging relationships subconsciously; because you anticipate they might breakup with you first. They fail to mention your name in a sentence, and you're out the door.
...............................
|
