A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit.After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store downstairs from my work) whenever he comes over. Honestly, I said that just to show courtesy on my part but after a day, he replied with a long message. He wrote it was nice meeting me, and then he gave me a legit explanation for why he will be very busy for the next 10 days and asked me wether I want to get a cup of coffee with him on a certain day.It seems like he wants to go to a nice coffee shop with a good atmosphere but it requires a long walk on my part (he was considerate and asked me if there is a place near me but there is really not). I actually like his idea (the nice coffee shop and a convenient day for me)but I think I will look desperate if I say ok to that very specific time he suggested and make a long walk to get coffee with him.Is there a way I can reply to his message and hint on him walking me or giving me a ride? It is a 10-15 minutes walk from my office to his office, and 20-25 minutes walk from my office to the coffee shop. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I'm not sure a ROMANTIC setting is needed for a first date...
I think you are not as into him as you should be and therefore are seeking excuses to not go.
you don't need excuses... you have the right to say no if you are not interested.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Call me dumb but I fail to see how if he WALKS you to the coffee shop, that would repair you from the wind and keep your coiffure intact.
Why don't you just take a cab , or a bus ? You would, if you had decided to check out some cool place on your own !
I get that you don't want to look like you are too eager, and like you are - literally- going the extra mile JUST to meet him, but a ) personally I don't think that walking 20 minutes is such a special athletic feat that it denotes a special,excessive interest b) the guy did ask you if you preferred somewhere closer to you, and you said no.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): ever thought of getting a bus or taxi .... so you don't have to walk. Also, if you really like the guy then it is nice to show a little effort. To go out of your way a little.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 October 2013):
 P.S. You could always do the trendy city fashion thing and wear some comfortable flat boots for the walk, put on a snuggly coat and cute scarf and enjoy the fresh air for the walk….. I think it's great to connect with the outdoors when the temperatures are changing. AND you are not relying on him for a ride.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2013):
 Pick another spot that is more convenient for you, problem solved.
I don't think it makes you sound desperate if you walk quite a ways to have coffee, if makes you seem interested.
Just sensing... From what you write you don't really seem all all that interested in a date with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 October 2013):
I can see why you wouldn't want to walk a mile in heels in the cold.
So your options are:
cancel the meet up altogether because you feel so uncomfortable about this.
tell him that you won't be able to walk the mile there and the mile back, in the cold.
suggest you meet at the froyo instead.
And why wouldn't you be taking yourself home, just because a meet up went well doesn't mean he's going to give you a ride home, he may have other commitments after the coffee.
Just tell him that the coffee shop is a bit too far to walk on a cold day for you, and suggest a place that is closer to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi So_Very_Confused ,
The froyo place is close to me but it is not a very romantic setting plus my boss passes by all the time...
I think i will be nice if he offers to walk me from my department or he gives me a ride so my hair does not get messed up by the wind. I apologize if I am sounding snobbish and delicate. I change the light bulbs in my apartment, and assemble new furnitures myself but once it comes to date, I am kind of picky....
I am just not sure what to say in that reply so he will offer to walk me or pick me up.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2013):
well you could walk in flats and change or take a cab...
but i sense what is bugging you is that you think he should make more of an effort than you should...
he asked if there was a closer place there is not...
so what would your ideal be?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi So_Very_Confused ,
Thanks for your answer. It is a little complicated because the coffee shop he suggested is closer to him than it is to me (Overall, his office is closer to the business district). I hate the idea of walking for a long time, especially when I am on my heels, to meet a guy; while the guy walks only a third of the distance. Plus the weather is getting cold and I don't think I will feel good if the meet-up did not turn out well and I end up walking back alone by myself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2013):
he asked you for a date... why would saying yes make you seem desperate?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): Just be honest woman!!! What's happened to honesty now adays.
Tell him it's a bit far to walk and if he has any common courtesy he will offer to come get you or go somewhere else.
It won't look desperate if you agree to his time, it will show your interested. If you go off on all this mumbo jumbo about how i can't do that time, and how i can't walk that far - he may think your a game player and playing hard to get. He's already interested, you don't need to play games.
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