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How much value should I put on something my boyfriend said in his sleep?

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Question - (29 January 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2014)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend was mumbling in his sleep the other night and he said: "no I don't want to get engaged!"

Now I know I'm probably being silly but do you think that's how he actually feels? Wish fulfilment and all that.

He has expressed that we will get engaged/ married 'soon'. However I think that 'soon' means over a year!!

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (29 January 2014):

like I see it agony auntHe could have been dreaming about an ex... could have dreamed his parents were trying to arrange a marriage FOR him... you name it. Could have dreamed he proposed and you rejected him initially, only to change your mind later. We'll never know; neither will you because changes are he doesn't even recall the dream in the first place.

Unfortunately for your curiosity, there's no good way to bring it up to him in real life without seeming needy, or like an engagement is something you're pushing for. If you can live without addressing the dream with him, I strongly suggest that. No part of a conversation about it is going to make him MORE inclined to marry you straight away. What it might do, however, is make him feel pressured where he might not have before -- or worse, plant in his mind that what you are after from him is a ring on your finger, not him as a person. I'm afraid neither outcome is going to hurry him toward the conclusion that you're "the one" for him.

You don't mention how long you've been together, but given your age range and the fact that he HAS apparently discussed the prospect of marriage with you at some point, I see no red flags in how things are progressing.

I guess it boils down to whether you think he is a kind and loving person who will do right by you when he is ready or a master manipulator who is in it to string you along for as long as he can without ever actually proposing. If the latter, perhaps the question shouldn't be what his dream was about but rather why you are with the guy at all?

Good luck and best wishes.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (29 January 2014):

I don't understand how everyone is dismissing this. I've never in my life had an engagement dream, but I've sure as hell had anxiety dreams about real life situations.

That being said, him not wanting to get engaged doesn't mean he doesn't want to get engaged at some point, he probably just needs time.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (29 January 2014):

CindyCares agony auntI don't think it means anything.

My father used to talk and SING ( loud and clear ) in his sleep, one of his favourite songs was the International Communist anthem:

Arise ye workers from your slumbers,

arise ye prisoners of want...

But, when he was awake, he never had any interest , affinity or sympathy for the Communists.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2014):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntI agree with the other posters. Dreams are so random that he could have been "thinking" of anyone/ anything when he said that. I've witnessed people doing and saying all sorts of odd things in dream sleep (as part of my job) and these things are normally totally nonsensical, and immemorable to the person doing the dreaming/talking.

Have you discussed a plan for when you are going to get engaged, or just waiting for him to pop the question? It might help if you (not mentioning the dream) discuss a time frame together.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (29 January 2014):

chigirl agony auntHow do you know he was talking about getting engaged to you?

My guess is that he's been running engagement-thoughts over in his head, his dream picked up those words and placed it in a setting related to something else. Dream are to interpreted, never taken literally. So, in his dream, the engagement was probably related to something very different. Maybe in his dream he was going to be engaged to his dead grandmother, for all you know. Or engaged to a pink elephant.

No, seriously, do not take this literally, and do not take it to be about you. Not everything is about you, and ESPECIALLY another persons dreams are NEVER about you. Dreams are always about the person dreaming them. All characters, people and settings that are in a dream are about the person dreaming, they are symbols. Never real people. Even if he dreamed about you in his dream it wouldn't have been about you! If he dreamed about you in his dream it just means you symbolize something to him, and that is why you appeared in that dream, as a symbol of something related to that dream.

For example, it is very common to dream you are having sex with a member of your family. It never actually means that this is what you want...

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (29 January 2014):

TasteofIndia agony auntStop. Stop your brain.

He was dreaming and that could have meant anything under the sun. What if he was dreaming that he was a squirrel and a possum had proposed - though they were in love, their families were bitter rivals and if they wed, the streets of Bangkok would dissolve into a massive and bloody war?

What if his dream was that a coach was trying to push him into a underground boxing career, and saying that releasing his anger would be good for him and your boyfriend was actually mumbling, "no, I don't want to get enraged!"?

What if he dreamt that he was on the Starship Enterprise and after Picard said, "Engage!", he got snappy and talked back?

What if he had a dream that he was YOU and that after he proposed, you rejected him saying, "no, I don't want to get engaged!"

What I'm saying is that you are reading wayyyy too much into sleep mumbling that could mean anything under the sun. Please don't worry about this or spend any time interpreting it. It means nothing!!

Good luck, sweet!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014):

I think he may be subconsciously not ready. He might love you whole-heartedly, but might not be ready for commitment without even realising it. You need to focus on WHY he may feel this way. I suggest you talk to him about it (before mentioning his dream) and ask what his fears may be, then give him yours too.

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