A
female
age
36-40,
*aeger12
writes:I am 24yrs old female and all my friends are getting married, settling down etc. The thing is, it's never really bothered me because I am all about finding the right person. Some of my friends however have recently starting saying that I am too picky, and that I need to get with someone so I can get engaged, get married and have kids. When I reply that I don't want to just 'settle' with someone they think I am crazy.Also, I was in a very serious relationship when I was 18 that went on for three years and I nearly got married to the guy and I've sort of discovered there is a whole world out there. Though it does niggle at me sometimes seeing my friends so happy in relationships, I am really happy as I am. Am I going to regret this?Am I wrong for wanting to wait around for the right person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): You want to marry and start a family with someone you love; not just to be doing it. You are secure as a woman. So your search for a mate is deliberate; not a mission in desperation.
Your young friends may have a totally different outlook about their relationships and marriage in the next couple of years.
You'd have to take a survey among them in another few years; and see where they are. In order to see if all that crap they threw at you was wisdom, or bullsh*t.
The majority married; because they were in a hurry. Not because they were certain of what they were doing, or really loved the guy. They will swear on a stack of Bibles they just love the man. They would've said yes to the first guy with a pulse, that handed them a diamond. So naturally they're going to be critical of a woman like you.
You don't have to be married to have kids, and you won't necessarily stay married because you have them.
"Rushing" into marriage, is also rushing toward divorce.
There are so many things to be established and learned about a partner; before taking such a big step. Most people have no patience, and want immediate gratification. Gimme gimme now! I'll worry about the consequences later.
Divorce statistics are high; and that's for a reason.
Take whatever time you feel you need. Marry for the reasons you want to. Don't apologize to them for how you chose to plan your life. Let them see you in a couple of years or so; and compare what they have to what you'll have. Be picky. You know what you're willing to give, so you know what you want in return. Don't just settle.
Judging by today's odds; in 2-5 years, many of the young wives you know will no longer be married. Perhaps not to the same husband. Maybe just clinging on to a bad marriage; because she's feeling too old, and scared to go through single life again. Feeling less marketable after gaining a few pounds and having a few kids.
Some will be raising those kids they wanted so badly, alone. Wishing they had waited, and took their time like you did.
A
female
reader, Jaeger12 +, writes (24 January 2014):
Jaeger12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I do want to get married and have kids, I just don't want to be tied to the wrong person you know?
It's not like I've met the perfect guy and let him get away. I just feel like I haven't met him yet and so I shouldn't
settle with someone just to 'get married'.
Thanks for your answers everyone :-)
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A
female
reader, Viktobi  +, writes (24 January 2014):
Hi,
There is no need to rush. If it is meant to happen it will simply happen...
You have other priorities right now, you want to explore the world and do what makes you happy. Until Mr. Right stumbles by - and you both explore the world together :)
They say when he comes, you'll just know it and to me it sounds like you are doing the right thing. If this is what is making you happy then relax and be happy.
Yes we desire to have companionship but it has to be with the right person, your time will come....
A patient dog eats the fattest bone - cheers
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2014):
 It depends .
You are not crazy for not wanting to just " settle ", and to want the right person for you to spend your life with. It's not that being married is that wonderful in and of itself, it may be wonderful if you are in love AND chose right, otherwise it's something that inevitably limits your choices, comfort, freedom, and imposes you moral, social and financial obligations- and you should do this for what ?... for a guy that you don't even like that much ?? So, from this point of view I think the crazy ones are your friends.
Then again, I wonder why they say you are too picky. Are you ? Have you got unrealistic expectations about Prince Charming ? Are you rigid and inflexible in your requirements , and won't consider anybody that does not tick all your boxes ? Are you fixared on ONE specific body type or profession etc. ? Do you refuse to have to cope with faults and imperfection and baggage ? I don't mean, of course, someone with s...loads of debts, or an arm long prison record, or a heroin addiction. But, are you tolerant of " normal " flaws ?
If you can answer, no , I am objective and reasonable in my expectations, I don't expect a man to turn my world upside down and give me all the happiness I have not been able to give myself on my own, and no, I want to fall in love but I am capable of falling in love with a normal human being , one that is not a millionaire or does not have matinee' idol looks... then you are fine. Keep waiting, keep being discriminating, ( which is different from just picky ) and don't be in a rush, you are only 24 ! 24 is still so young !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): At 24 you still have plenty of time to do all the family thing. It depends what you want. I always knew I want a family. I married young, and by 24 I already had a child. 20s used to be the age to marry and start a family, not anymore. People niw get married much later.
If you feel it's not for you, than don't. At least wait a few years. If you eventually want a child, just keep in mind that fertility age is relatively short, and by 35 you might want to start thinking about settling down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): I will say go with what feels right to you. You are happy single, stay single.
You do not have to get married and have children simply because your friends are doing it.
However, I hear that there are slimmer pickings the older you get but I'm the same age as you so I can't say from my own experience.
I would say keep an open mind. If you find someone that you like, you can go out with them without tying the knot or having kids etc.
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