A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 2 years. My marriage started on a wrong note, because husband treated me awfully; neglecting me, treating me like his slave, demeaning, mental torture,just the treatment that no human being ever deserves. I think he wanted to mark his boundaries and gain total control over me. After 4 months, i separated from him for 7 months. We have now lived together for 12 months straight. He has improved but i still can't help remembering the mental sufferings he made me endure. I hate him for having treated me like a useless object, and my respect to him is almost gone. How can one inflict suffering knowingly to a fellow human being? Very sad. How can i get rid of this resentment? Am i even sure that i want to? I have no good memories of us to relate to when this cloud looms. Our dating was not conventional as we did it online. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): O.P here. Thanks guys for your responses and opinions. Cindy, i have posted my tribulations on this site many times that it has become boring and tiring to write them down again. Unfortunately i posted most of them anonymously hence there is no thread to my posts. However I'm the woman who is married to a much older guy with a 2 year old daughter. If you can't place me yet, then i will clarify to you that i am neither overreacting nor being over sensitive. I'm very laid back and patient with people. I consider myself to be a good and caring person and it pains me to realize that i ended up with a person who doesn't really care about anyone else but himself. Tough decision to be made here.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 What your husband did was wrong for sure. What you are doing now is also wrong. And two wrongs don’t make it right. You have been away from him for 7 months, enough time to recollect yourself and move on from your past. Weather you stay with him or not, if you don’t let this go, it will destroy every other relationship you have. Never hold on to hateful feelings. Don’t let it stay in you for even an hour. Hate is like a seed…and when you add hurt feelings, hurt pride, emotions, and so on, it’s like giving it water. It grows, and it will consume your every thought. Even if you left him, the next guy you meet will trigger that hate with one word, or one action, and the whole thing will start over again. “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.”What happened to you will test your love and patience for sure. But sitting down and talking about things as a couple, and not as people whose feelings have been hurt, will make a whole of difference.“If you want people to like you, forgive them when they wrong you. Remembering wrongs can break up a friendship.” Or Marriage.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 But should you overcome it ? would it be reasonable ?..
I mean, you don't give specific details, so we can't exclude that maybe it's a matter of you being oversensitive to certain things, or of you and your husband having different values so that one sees as terrible things that for the other aren't that bad.. a culture clash, or something that in time you can compromise over...
BUT, if we have to take what you say literally- then you should not even be with this man right now ! You mention slavery, mental torture, inhuman mistreatment.
You say that now he has " improved " but what does it actually mean ? That he has stopped , or that he does it half of the time ?
Because half of slavery is still slavery, half of mental torture is still torture.
I am not saying you must be exaggerating, I am saying that, if it is just half as bad as you call it, then it's a dealbreaker and you should NOT overcome your resentement, because overcoming it would be like condoning cruelty and abuse.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 This sounds disgusting, and you need to remember you a human being and not someones slave. Whether he wanted to set his boundaries or not mentally abusing or neglecting someone is not what you do. If he was that bad to the point where when you look at him you can not think of nothing apart from the bad things he done to you then leave him, never stay with someone who has been abusive to you. You deserve so much more than this, and I would say you don't need to get over this resentment, as you have every right to resent him, I would say you need to find someone who isn't going to treat you this way. I had a boyfriend who put me through hell, of course it was like nothing you have been through, but he would cheat on me time after time and manipulate me into getting back with him, to me it felt like emotional torture and when we did get back together I could never shake of the hate and anger of what he put me through, it got in the way and he never changed so I left. But even if we had of stayed together the hate wouldn't of gone away and I wouldn't of gotten over it, it would of just gotten even worse. Good Luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): Why did you marry him knowing he is the way he is and you were not happy with him?
Obviously 'break up' is ideally not the solution for problems in a marriage, but in your case, you should never have married in the first place. So best thing to do for yourself is break up with him, for good.
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