A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm usually not a snoop, I trusted my boyfriend when we were together, but I did something I'm ashamed of. I read his journal, and I didn't like what I read. It basically said his was unhappy with our relationship among other things, but nothing about cheating. Enough to make me upset. Months later I admited what I had done and we got past it. We have since broken up and gotten back together and i am so tempted to read it again! I want to know what he did while we were broken up but I know reading it will 1. Break my heart 2. Totally wrong. I feel like a terrible person for wanting to read it, I know he was with other girls while we were apart and I have a temptation to read and find out details. I haven't done anything yet. What should I do?? I am afraid I won't get over him being with other people... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): If you are in a relationship with him, you should be able to communicate with him!Ask him, do not invade his privacy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): You are acting in a really unhealthy way. It is almost like you are trying to sabotage your relationship. Maybe subconsciously you are looking for an excuse to end things with him because perhaps deep down you are not happy with him either.
Otherwise I can't think of any other reason why you would disrespect his privacy and to top it off to try to catch him in a lie or infidelity just for the hell of it. You are not treating this guy very well which makes sense why he would write in his journal that he is not happy.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 January 2014):
 People are entitled to their own personal thoughts. It's exactly why he has a journal in the first place. He probably wrote what you were thinking at the time - that you two were having problems and he was feeling unhappy. Were you not feeling that way at the time? Was it really so shocking? Were you two perfectly and happily in love? Doubtful. So what makes him writing it any worse than you feeling it?
He probably was just getting it all out of his system. That's the whole purpose of a journal, is it not? It's supposed to be completely private. You really violated his trust in a big way. You chose to read it and then didn't like what you saw. That's why you should never have read it in the first place. That's why journals are intended to be kept private.
I never go through my partners personal belonging for two reasons:
1. Because it's NOT my business.
2. Because you're only going through it looking for trouble. And when you're looking for trouble, you always find it.
You can misconstrue a conversation completely when you go fishing through peoples personal things. It's just not worth it.
Do what honeypie said - keep your mitts off. It's none of your business. Why look for more trouble? Give him his respect and privacy.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 January 2014):
 Can I be honest here...
I think deep down you want to be done with him.
His comments in his journal hurt you a lot more then you realize and you really don't want to be with him. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?
I wouldn't
By reading his journal you subconsciously want to find out he was with other girls so you can bail. Its your out so to speak.
I feel you should call it a day and meet someone new.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 January 2014):
 I've got to say this relationship sounds pretty much doomed: break ups, jealousy of the unknown, snooping, fear and worry. What's in it for either of you?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 January 2014):
 Assume you read his journal and your worst fears come true. Now what? What will you do? Will you break up with him again? Will you hound him for details? Tell me honestly, what good can ever come out of this?
OP no one likes thinking about the fact that their partner had a past but we have to learn to deal with it. You already know that he was with other girls. That is enough information and wanting to know the gory details is nothing short of torturing yourself. Don't get into this self-destructive mode.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 January 2014):
 Keep your mits off his journal.
If you can't get over the idea of him having been with others, now is the tie to walk away.
You have no RIGHT to read his journal.
If you really WANT to know, ASK him. Talk about don not pry. I don't think you actually realize how big of a violation it is to read someone's journal.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 January 2014):
 And if you are afraid you won't be able to get over him having been with other people now that it is just a vague notion, do you think it will be better once you know all the gory details ?? How would reading your bf's journal help you to overcome what happened ? ( which anyway, it's none of your business since you were not together at the time ).
You seem very focused on cheating and jealousy, not that is weird or abnormal, but it is surely ineffective in terms of improving your rellationship. Focus instead on the " unhappy " part which you read about at the time. To see if you can solve the problem and eliminate the cause for unhappiness. Was he unhappy about what exactly ? Is it something that you can work on together, change, compromise about ?.. So that you don't have to repeat the past ?
If you only worry about his sex life when he wasn't with you, you will have a clear comprehemsion of his sex life,- but no tools to make sure that THIS TIME your relationship is successful.
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