A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a discussion with a friend today about my upcoming trip, and she said that men NEVER will do anyhting for a woman unless there is sexual intention involved. I told her that I had and have plenty of guy friends. She asked me to think under what circumstances we met and stayed friends. When I thought about it, I realized that mostof my guy friends are boyfriends or husbands of my girlfriends. And I also have a couple of gay friends Anyway, I told it doesn't mean that I can't have guy friend that I met myself. why this conversation started is because last year I went to one beatifull country. I was supposed to meet with a friend in 2 weeks, but for a week I stayed by myself in this particular country I went to a bar the second nite and started talking to a guy who happened to be an owner of this place. Soon he offered to take me on a trip for one day to a nearby small town. I agreed, but offered to buy him dinner after. We talked all day and he happened to be a very nice and smart guy. There was no sexual tension at all, only in a hotel a little bit strange look on his face at the end when I said I am tired and need to call it a day. But then the rest of the week I saw him couple more times and it was never from him anything but friendliness. We keep in touch through facebook, and I am planning another trip in May, and because I loved his country so much I really want to go there again and travel north. He offered to take few days off from work and travel together. I loved this idea. He has a car, he speaks the language, and I really like him as a friend. As far as me being attracted to him: he is not exactly my type. He is a good looking, tall and well build with big brown eyes. He has a nice smile, but I don't think there is much chemistry going on, and frankly I don't think he is attracted to me also. I know the look when a guy looks at you when he likes you . I didn't see that look with this guy.Ok, to say the truth, he is not a deffinitely NO, but he is not a yes. I don't know if it makes sense, but he is somewhere in between. I think if we dated a little or spend more time together may be it would evolved into something, but we live across the world from each other, this is what is going to happen, may be few days each year. I really would like to go on this trip as only friends. The older I get I become much less involved in casual sex, and I am not that much interested in temporary hook ups. My friends insists that this guy is in for another trip with only one thin gin mind: sex. I want to believe differently. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (29 January 2014):
The more attractive the woman, the more likely it is that she'll have men buying her dinner, doing her favours, being friendly etc. HOWEVER, and this is the amusing part, 90% of the time simply because she IS so beautiful they'll be too nervous to make a pass at her. In a way her beauty is insurance against (sober, at any rate) men's attempts to sleep with her.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 Yea he only wants sex. Hes kept u at a boundary but maintained friendliness. Also a guy wouldnt invest his time if he knew u were from a differen countryt. Chances of that reltshp are slim to none. If ur not into casual sex this trip isnt for u and I nearly guarantee that if u went there he would not give anything in the bedroom. But as far as all men having the sexual intention some men are true gentleman like myself I can get any woman I want it doesnt make any sense for me to target a specific woman just for a lay. When u have options like me u dont engage in that stupid behavior. Youll spot a real man by gaining experience with men.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I don't know really.
When travelling the Greek island with friends we made a LOT of friends (some male) one of the group of girls I traveled with went to Canada and hung out with a couple of the guys we met (no sex) and they showed her around and took her out.
When working and living in London I made a few friends who later came by my home country and I took them out, I showed them around, cooked dinner for them and hung out, no sex. Nothing was implied either.
One of the guys (an American) called me a head of time and since I myself was out of the country I asked a friend to show him around. She did. No sex, and she said she had a great time.
Are you STAYING with him or do you have a hotel planned?
Also, I agree with Auntie Em, going on a road-trip with a guy you really don't know doesn't seem all that safe.
As for "the look" I don't think you can always tell, it's not like the cartoons with the tongue lolling out on the floor and eyes popping out.
I would make sure I bring money for helping with gas and your OWN room, no sharing.
Maybe put in one of the conversations that it's nice to have a good friend like him wanting to go out of his way to show you around, see what he says?
Not saying he doesn't want sex, but I really don't think every guy who does something nice is thinking with his penis.
Another thing could be cultural. I know in Greece, Italy and Portugal (from experience) people are exceptionally friendly and interested in showing their country and food off.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 January 2014):
Many men will take sex where they can get it easily, especially if there are no large risks or consequences involved.
Friendship itself usually plays little to no role in the decision, since most men don't see a link between sex and emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): "I know the look when a guy looks at you when he likes you . I didn't see that look with this guy."
I hear women say that all time and yet they're always the ones who are surprised to find out a guy likes them because they didn't see "the look".
OP we don't all have that "I would bend you over that table right now and fuck you silly" look when we like a woman.
I only have that when I'm drunk, horny and not playing it cool.
I've been told tonnes of times by these women experts they didn't think I liked them back because I didn't have the look. What's even more hilarious is the fact that I'd asked them out on a date and that wasn't enough for them to figure it out haha. I guess if you don't longingly gaze into a woman's eyes and are smart enough to only peek at her tits when she's looking away then you must not like her.
This guy asked you out on a date, you accepted. The fact he's not a forward guy or you couldn't read signals because you think the look is the only sign doesn't change the fact that a guy who doesn't know you would quite simply not ask you out in that way unless he is interested.
Why would a guy just try to befriend a tourist? He asked you out, the fact he didn't get laid that night and wasn't pushy about it doesn't mean he's only interested in friendship and as for the look, we're not all that obvious OP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): This is OP. thank you all for answering.
I am trying to keep it as friendship. I mentioned that I bought him dinner afterwords, he didn't want to accept, but I insisted as he spent money on gas.
I guess, you are all right, he did it for future sex. It's just he never acted or looked at me that way. May be he was shy, I don't know. Also I don't know how to tell him straightforward that sex is not going to happen. May be, just may be he is not even thinking about it, and here I am with no sex rule. That would be quite embarrassing.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I think all men think about having sex with their female friends at one time or another. This guy has probably thought about it before and is probably considering the possibility of sex on this trip, but you guys had a great time before, and are compatible travel companions, so don't worry too much. Just have fun and speak your truth if the subject of sex is brought up.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I agree with YOUWISH
Tell him you have no intention of being more than a friend and you do not want to have sex with him (personally I think you are in denial)
See if he still wants to go on a trip with you...I am guessing NO, unless he's the kind of man who won't take no for an answer and still thinks he might get a shag out of you.
You are leading him on and you both know it.
DENIAL...it's the perfect antidote for someone who's been hurt in the past.
Would I go on a road trip with a guy I barely knew...ummm no I wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Just friends ? Oh please.
If it were you, would you do ,for a pleasant quasi stranger, not really an established friend , just a new acquaintance who looks personable but about whom you basically know nothing, what he plans to do for you ? Take days off from work and travel around together, driving your car and acting as translator and tour guide ? All for the sake of maybe starting a new "friendship"..with someone who does not even live there ?...
He definitely wants a sexual adventure, last time he just decided to move slowly, or maybe he is shy, or just lazy,who knows.
But he hopes to make something sexual happen, otherwise if it were just for the pleasure of your conversation, you could just chat when you are in his bar and he'd be content with that.
I believe that a woman CAN have male platonic friends- when there's no attracion on either side . But this is not the case .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Guys are human beings too, and no, some relationships are actually platonic.
However, in your case with this guy and taking a trip with him, it is NOT platonic, and he's wanting something more.
Consider your behavior and habits with same-sex platonic friends. Would you take off on a days-long trip with another girl you've just met? Not really, because you don't know her.
There are women out there who have no intentions with a guy or guys, but they love the attention they receive from them. I suspect you like the interest and attention you're getting from this guy, but you don't want to return it. The world doesn't work that way. If you let him buy you stuff, take days off, go on trips, spend lots of time with him, yet reject him when he tries to advance the relationship, you're leading him on.
Many women and men do this - men's attentions are intoxicating and an ego boost, and you get wined and dined and listened to intently, and spend the day not feeling alone, but it's all going in one direction, that's not honest. It's not about sex, either. It could be that a guy's interested in dating or starting a relationship, so a girl stays just out of reach, and of course the guy starts chasing, only to realize that his love interest has no intention of actually being interested back, but enjoys the benefits of the guy's interest. It's not talked about as much, but it exists, and you should be careful not to become the girl that leads guys on and teases them, because you could lead on the wrong guy. One guy on here actually wrote in that a girl had him pay for 5 dates, only to find out that on the fifth date, when he went to HOLD HER HAND (yes, he moved slow), she tells him she has a boyfriend. She liked his attention, but she led him on.
Be very careful not to do that. State your intention up front, saying there will never be a future beyond platonic friendship, and then don't accept treats, gifts, dinners, dates, favors, drinks, anything.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Ask yourself this. If you were very physically unattractive, how many of these guy friends would you likely be friends with today?
They may not all expect sex, but often times their friendship is based on sexual attraction. This is not my armchair philosophy by the way. This is what I've read and heard men say and I have to assume they know themselves better than we know them.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 January 2014):
 He wants sex.
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